London - (Gnostic Mess): 'Lo and forsooth 'tis writ, on the 515th anniversary of my birth the Great Whore of Babylon's putrid suckling pig shall be smote and cast unto Hades to languish forever.' Thus wrote fabled Renaissance alchemist, physician...
London - (Cosmic Mess): As the moon conjoins the planet Pluto in its Sagittarius/Capricorn crossing this weekend ahead of an awesome Saturn/Uranus opposition in Virgo/Pisces this Tuesday fears are growing that the ensuing chaos could well throw the e...
London - (Ass Mess): The most lethal Scorpio lunation since Soviet despot Nikita Khrushchev's 1962 tail-between-the-legs U-turn withdrawal of the USSR's Cuban missile bases takes place this week, wreaking havoc for the Hellfire Club pact that subsequ...
Washington AC/DC - (Cosmic Mess): Astrologers are warning US voters to expect this year's presidential election to be mired in the same chaos as the Hanging Chad fiasco that blighted the Gore/Bush disaster of 2000. The November 4th clash between t...
The Zodiac - (OMFG! Mess): Hellfire Club astrologers have warned this weekend about some bloody awful unfinished karmic business on Monday. A Libran Sun/retrograde Mercury conjunction forms a hideous square to Jupiter in Capricorn, tempting cosmic...
The future has fascinated and ultimately eluded those who would seek to know its secrets. Simon Hogwarts, The Guardian of London's sorcerer in chief has ventured onto the thin ice of political prediction in reference to PMS Gordie Brown and his recen...
London - (Ass Mess): A blood-red hammer and sickle-emblazoned UFO has been seen circling PM Gorgon Brown's weekend retreat of Chequers against the awesome backdrop of the full Harvest Moon. The craft's appearance coincided with the weekend visit o...
St Paul, Minnesota - (RIP Mess): The GOP's McCain/Palin schmoozefest will end in calamity according to UK Hellfire Club sky watchers. The prediction is based on the sky's starry pattern where the Sun and Saturn meet at 2am GMT this Thursday, just...
President Bush is so worried about the upcoming elections that he has recruited Persian Mystic; Muhammad Hafez Akbar Dorogh to mastermind a November 4th victory for Johnny Mac. Bush was quoted as saying. ¨we don't want any of them Democratics in t...
Langley, Va - (9/11 Mess): The CIA's President George Herbert Prescott Bush Center for Intelligence (sic) HQ is getting jittery. Its X Files division is panicking ahead of Saturday's Virgo new moon when the planet Venus enters Libra, the sign Just...
Cosmos - (Satanic Mess): Thursday's magnificent Sun/Pluto trine and Mercury/Venus conjunction is the perfect smokescreen to foil the monstrous self confidence of Hellfire Club mobsters like UK Prime Monster Gorgon Brown. That is the celestial pre...
London - (Cosmic Mess): Brilliant, masterful and magnificent omens are predicted by Hellfire Club soothsayers for Tuesday's solar ingress into the sign of Leo.
Cote d'Azur, France - (Starstruck Mess): LA astrologers are jubilant that trout-pout movie actress Angelina Jolie farrowed according to plan on Saturday 12 July just as the planet of glamor, sycophancy and megabux attention seeking was entering t...
Philadelphia PA -- Condoleeza Rice abruptly left a security conference here today drenched in tears. The conference was between the NSA, FBI, DHS and other agencies about the catastrophic space alien invasion expected 08/08/08 at precisely 08:08:08 G...
Off-the-Wall-Street, NYC - (Crude Ass Mess): Oil prices are set to drop dramatically after Friday's 19.42GMT solar clash with Pluto, planet of immense riches, karma and vast crude stockpiles, which heralds this year's Summer Solstice on Satur...
Chappaqua, NY - (Ass Mess): As the Sun, Moon, Venus and a retrograde Mercury line up in Gemini things are looking grim for the Skull 'N' Bones tribute artiste who has made such a profitable living out of being Hillary Rodham Clinton.
The Cosmos - (Apocalyptic Mess): Astrologers are warning that Tuesday's portents hail a huge cosmic sting in the sign of the Twins as the forces of law and order combat the plague of Opus Dei tribute artistes posing as genuine born-again Illumina...
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