So reads the transcript of the military tribunal investigating Salim Abu Zayabada of Saudi Arabia on charges of attempted terrorism within U.S. borders. Apparently Zayabada's plot was thwarted by the mouth-watering richness he encountered at the Snak...
A Finnish gentlemen named Sven Trapindafjord recently posted to a high-tech forum requesting fast food help. "Please, I am asking very humbly, place for to where that will please do home deliver of hamburger to my doorstep?" In broken Eng...
OXNARD, California - Singing sensations and extremely wealthy individuals Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez have been seriously contemplating purchasing one of America's biggest burger chains, Burgers-in-The-Round. Tittle Tattle Tonight's Pico de Gal...
PANAMA CITY, Florida - A woman identified as Kimesia LaMeana Smithereens absolutely went ballistic at a Burger Kingdom Restaurant located in the beautiful Gulf of Mexico beach paradise of Panama City, Florida. The restaurant manager identified as...
Burger King chief executive, Bernard Hees, has described British women as ugly and British food as terrible. Although a spokesman for the chain later said Mr Hees regretted the unguarded comments - made to a group of Chicago students - the fall-ou...
Mayhem erupted in a Five Guys' board meeting, yesterday; with Guy 5 taking a meat cleaver to Guy 3 and butchering him up into mince meat. All of the other board members, Guy 1, Guy 2 and Guy 4 all agreed that Guy 5 really knew how to use a butcher k...
Taco Gong President Jose Jimenez on Tuesday rejected claims made in a lawsuit that the ground horse a--holes in their tacos, burritos, Mountain Dew Baja Blast soda, and other products is not "all beef". "Esta es la carne. Toda," said Jimenez. I me...
Washington DC: President Obama occasionally enjoys a good cheeseburger, while espousing healthy eating and exercise such as playing basketball. The president made another quick lunchtime stop at Five Guys, a fast-food restaurant in Washington DC...
Festive plans for a Hawaiian Christmas dinner and family celebration were dampened today when President Barry Obama backed out of a state sponsored Luau planned in his honor. Citing dietary considerations, a mandate from wife Michelle who continue...
A trio of Canadian fatties have scored a massive, 'obese' hit on slim-line U Tube by presenting, baking and devouring an over 5000 calorie pizza topped with more junk food than McDonalds could dream of. "We don't give a damn," they claimed, "all w...
The leading pro-animal non-profit agency, whose name we dare not speak, has released a shocking new video called, "About 1 Billion Individuals Are Killed Each Year for (name of international fast-food chain)" In the gory video, chickens are fed, h...
A new 1950s-themed American diner has caused huge controversy after refusing to serve black citizens. Customers at Hank's Diner, in Brixton, had assumed its highly visible signs and posters exclaiming "no blacks" were part of the high kitsch which...
There's nothing more shocking than ordering some yummy artery-cloggers from the Burger King value menu, driving up to the second window, and seeing someone you recognize. The best is when it is a girl you were in love with in high school, who wouldn't piss on your head if your Phillies cap was on fire. "Guess it all went downhill after 10th grade. Right, Nancy Reagan?" Imagine my surprise wh...
The levels of global hunger have risen dramatically and Obese people the world over are on the rampage! Recent attacks on M**Donalds, Bu***r K**g, Kentucky F***d Ch***en have proven this point as overweight, desperate, gorging fatties raid the fas...
Physicist Moby Ustrip from Simi Valley, California has just published a scientific paper that is poised to set the world of physics on its ear. For years now, Ustrip has been studying the theory of dark matter first introduced in 1933 by Swiss astrop...
HARLINGEN, TX - Local long time Express Pizza delivery boy, Bradley Chapman will at long last achieve a dream that he has been anticipating since he was still a junior in high school. Today Chapman will officially be honored with the status as pizza...
A purportedly esteemed cardiologist, Dr Darrel Francis, has this week earned the nickname of Silly Sillypersonson by proposing that fast food restaurants around the country should offer drugs to diners to compensate for the risk of heart disease.
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