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Funny satire stories about Chelsea FC

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Funny story: John Terry To Be Stripped Of Darts Team Captaincy

John Terry To Be Stripped Of Darts Team Captaincy

It's been a terrible weekend for Chelsea and England captain John Terry as a cloud hovers over his suitability to lead the England team into the World Cup Finals in South Africa following widespread publication of an alleged affair with ex-teammate W...

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Funny story: Chelsea to drop Terry to the bench.

Chelsea to drop Terry to the bench.

A spokesman for Chelsea F.C have claimed. "We're demoting John Terry," a reporter for The Sun had asked what they meant by 'demoting' and the spokesman had replied. "We're benching him until we get Roman to give us the 40m we need to sign Steven Tayl...

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Funny story: Football's Offside Rule altered

Football's Offside Rule altered

The offside rule in football, which nobody has ever fully understood no matter how many times it has been explained to them, was changed today, and first came into effect at the crucial match between Chelsea and their visitors Manchester United. P...

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Funny story: Tests confirm Manchester United is 'inter-gender'

Tests confirm Manchester United is 'inter-gender'

After weeks of controversy, doctors at the Heimlich Institute in Basle, Switzerland, have confirmed that Manchester United is 'inter-gender'. It was suggested some weeks ago by observers that the football team, despite playing in the men's profess...

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Funny story: Chelsea Sack Fans in Shock Move

Chelsea Sack Fans in Shock Move

Celebrity fans such as Boris Johnson and Johnny Vaughan are amongst those left without a club following Chelsea FC's shock announcement that they are sacking their supporters. The move has surprised many, but pundit Alan Hansen sees the logic behind...

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Funny story: Chelsea Accused: "You're Just A Bunch of Thieves!"

Chelsea Accused: "You're Just A Bunch of Thieves!"

Chelsea have vowed to fight to restore their increasingly battered reputation, after further allegations were made yesterday that they are "just a bunch of thieves." In a remarkable outburst, Manchester United manager Sir Alex Fungus slammed the W...

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Funny story: Chelsea Unperturbed By Transfer Ban

Chelsea Unperturbed By Transfer Ban

Despite being banned from signing any new players over the next two transfer windows, Chelsea aren't particularly worried about this latest sanction. "Hey, the governor is a Russian oligarch," a spokesman for the club told us. "We're used to ducki...

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Funny story: Franck Ribery Pursuited By Real Madrid, Joins Chelsea

Franck Ribery Pursuited By Real Madrid, Joins Chelsea

The French attacking midfielder Franck Ribery has signed on to join the London giants Chelsea for a mega 46 million euro bid with Joe Cole moving to the German team and the loan of Portuguese Deco. Chelsea's owner Roman Abramovic travelled to Germ...

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Funny story: Frank Lampard To Join Manchester City?

Frank Lampard To Join Manchester City?

Following newspaper reports that Chelsea Skipper John Terry wants to talk to representatives from Manchester City with one eye on a very lucrative contract, our contact at City, Boner Sweetlove told us: "It's all true. JT wants a chat with Sparky...

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Funny story: Chelsea sign experienced masturbator

Chelsea sign experienced masturbator

Chelsea have bolstered their ranks of money-grabbing, self-obsessed tossers by signing Yuri Zhirkov from CSKA Moscow. Zhirkov - pronounced 'Jerk-off' - signed for £18 million, and Blues boss Carlo Ancelotti hopes that the player isn't a flop at St...

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Funny story: Shirker Signs For Chelsea

Shirker Signs For Chelsea

Chelsea are believed to have signed Russian ace Youra Shirker from C3PO Moscow for £10 million. The left footed international is expected to be paraded at the club's training ground in the next few days. New Chelsea manager Carlos Thatsyourlotti said...

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Funny story: Footballer Held Prisoner By Club

Footballer Held Prisoner By Club

A footballer is believed to have been held prisoner by a football club. Reports suggest that the manager, Carlos Thatsyourlotti, wanted to keep the player locked up forever. The player in question, influential centre half Terry Terry, was locked a cu...

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Funny story: Chelsea FC Disease

Chelsea FC Disease

The Department of Health has released and urgent alert about what is being called Chelsea FC Disease. It is brought on when reading, hearing or watching anything about Chelsea FC and the symptoms are vomiting, headaches and uncontrollable rage. On...

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Funny story: Chelsea FC part with Carlo Ancelotti

Chelsea FC part with Carlo Ancelotti

Chelsea FC have sensationally sacked manager Carlo Ancelotti within 6 hours of him being appointed in the role. The 49-year-old Italian left the Rossoneri last night after guiding AC Milan to a third-place finish in Serie A and it was announced this...

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Funny story: Guus Hiddink To Marry Chelsea

Guus Hiddink To Marry Chelsea

There were great celebrations amongst Chelsea fans at the New Wembley stadium yesterday when, after their side had triumphed 2-1 over Everton in the FA Cup Final, it was announced that Guus Hiddink is to marry the club. Hiddink, 62, told reporter...

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Funny story: Barcelona Win FA Cup

Barcelona Win FA Cup

Louis Saha scored after 25 seconds at Wembley, but then the cup final descended into the realms of mediocrity. (Louis Saha just completely buggered up my story) In what probably would have been a boring stalemate, with Chelsea being negative and E...

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Funny story: Cup Final Called Off

Cup Final Called Off

The Cup Final has been called off. Officials of Chelsea and Everton football clubs emerged from a meeting this morning to announce that they will probably cancel the game. Nothing definite yet, but it looks like a non-runner. Interest in the FA...

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