During our dinner date, I took what I thought was my heart medication. Within 30 minutes I realized I had committed a colossal boner. I think the saddest thing about a guy falling asleep at the wheel and dying is that in all likelihood, the last thing on earth he heard was Yanni on the radio. I'd never make it on one of those Survivor shows. Every time I think about eating somethi...
Hoff Here. There are many aberrations in nature that are well known as aberrations. Calves with two heads. Shell-less turtles. Dwarf anythings. Journalists. Guidance Counsellors. The list goes on. But there is one that, strangely, oddly, has slowly, imperceptibly gained acceptance in almost every society in the modern world. We've all most likely come in contact with at least one in our lives.
Austin, Texas: Following on her claim to be "more focused on the detail," Wendy Davis disclosed more information today about her amazing life story. Below are some of the previously unknown details, listed in no particular order of importance. She dated Elvis, O. J. Simpson, George Clooney, and JFK, Jr. at the same time. She was a stealth member of Seal Team Six on the Bin Laden kill missi...
"Is that brown stuff on the bathroom wall what I think it is?" That all came later. Let's just say we had to move again. It all started when I paid an innocent trick on my coworkers. You know. The old brownie joke that I thought they would think was funny but I guess it was too much. Especially for Big Lonzo all three hundred pounds..maybe 275 after the brownies. The result, I had to go tell...
Ford Motor executives announced today that the company will be relaunching its most popular bomb-on-wheels for model year 2015! Like the popular retro Mustang that was introduced in 2006, the new Pinto will look much the same as its 1970's counte…
When health or wealth is threatened, we get fearful just like a fish in a tank after hearing a sudden knock on the container. This reaction is called fear. Fear, in most living things, is said to be basic or innate. A sudden change of environment such as light, sound etc causes fear in us. Additionally, we have a tendency to be afraid of the unknown. Naturally, the econ-political changes of the pr...
Except for the weight problem, no one really expected Rosie O' Donnell to play the 52-year-old singer. "I can lip sync the songs. I can do a good job with all the material Susan has", stated O'Donnell. "Leave it to me. I'll do a good job. It's a...
According to a survey conducted at a college in Cupertino, CA, obsessive nose rubbing may actually be bad for your social life. While there are no definite root causes for such an odd habit, college students like Matthew E. explain that "It's hila...
The Beatles stopped at 64, but if you go further the next mile post is 74. At least it is for me because there is not much else to shout about. I mean, to have lived to 74 is some sort of achievement. I've had to remain alive and be getting enough money to at least feed myself. But then the next achievement. Married for yonks - could be a bit dull and tedious but it is something! Now I'm...
The former Vice President to George W. Bush announced today that he would like to be a woman, causing nearly 90 people choke on coffee at breakfast time morning. Known for being a rugged individual and hated by the left, it would have been the yea...
BOREDVILLE, WI - "I found out from my oldest kid that YOLO means you only live once," stated James Sadzack Sr, 52, of Boredville, WI. "I found out the meaning of FML about three or four years ago," Sadzack went on to say, "and that's the mantra I'...
During the past few week's Doctors surgeries have seen an increase in a strange new virus which has spread across the UK and affected the male population aged 18-90 years, Doctors report packed surgeries as more and more males succumb to this hereto...
When we conclude that event 'A' caused event 'B', simply because the proposed cause occurred before the proposed effect, this mentality, in Latin, is called: 'Post hoc ergo propter hoc', meaning 'after this, therefore because of this'. And it is one of the several logical fallacies. This process of the mind may get confused with Conspiracy Theories, displeasing authorities. Recent examples of...
You're driving home from work on a Thursday late afternoon as ordinary as the sausage and egg sandwich you stuffed into yourself on the way in that morning. You're behind one of those flatbed trucks with large wooden poles which you assume will soon adorn some neighborhood as telephone poles. You're wondering, as you often do when behind one of these flatbed trucks, how well the bundle of potent...
The press is much occupied these days with the foibles of the rich and famous. To judge by the content of the press and the blogs, and the tidal wave of so-called reality TV, we, the anonymous public, take great delight in being reminded that power and privilege do not make a man wise or save him from ridicule. Remember all the fun we had watching a political bully and egocentric hit man named Wie...
1)Stop exercising it's making you ill. It gets in the way of drinking time, trash T.V. and arguing with your family. The lycra makes you look ridiculous. Elasticated waistbands aren't that bad. 2) Ditch the diet. For good. Your adult weight has gone from 120 to 160 pounds over the course of a year. Up and down like an out-of-control elevator. Accept that you're a fat bastard and get on with it.
NEW YORK, NY--When Jerry Elmswick dropped out of college in 1996 to start his own travel agency, he faced a rapid barrage of criticism and disapproval from his friends and family. 17 years later, Elmswick can finally stand up and tell all of his doub...
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