Gertrude McGillicuddy is 78 years old and she is fed up with the feds. The feisty grandma from Skokie, Illinois is in the process of organizing a campaign that, if successful, will have millions of her peers staying home on Election Day. Ironically,...
In local news, an old man has befuddled the local library by requesting a book about face, "I have been reading about it a lot in the paper recently" said the perplexed pensioner "I don't really know what a face book is, but what with that new film o...
A recent research group looking into socio-sexual proclivities have discovered that straight males are alleged to be the most common group. They say 'alleged' as it appears there may be some undecided or those that wish to keep this to themselves.
Born in 1883 a Maggie May from Glasgow talks about how she has managed to stay alive for so long. "I ran out of salt one day when I was eating my fish and chips, so I sprinkled some 'Calgon' over my dinner" "It tasted lovely so I stopped using...
Toyko, Japan: Japanese authorities have revealed that it has thousands of people listed as still alive, who have been dead for years. More than 77,000 people aged 120 or over - 884 aged 150 or higher - are listed on government records as still al...
"Want to have a good time old boy?" was their opening line every single time a granny went along the bars along the beach in Haskins, Florida, a small village near the Gulf Coast. It was delivered by a well-dressed 69-87 year-old with white hair and...
There has been outrage among Human Rights organisations after a cat was seen dumping a 45 year old woman in a litter bin. The woman, Mary Bale, was effortlessly picked up by the moggy, shaken and unceremoniously dumped in the trash can in Coventry, w...
The Government has made use of scientific evidence that old people feel cold after the age of 66, although some put the figure nearer 75. Dr Cameron's paper on the subject can be found in the British Medical Journal and provides much further infor...
Round and round and round he went. A total of 100 times in a day. By the time the ride shut down - 98 year old Abe Rounder had set a world record: A lifteime total of 5000 rides on thee roller coaster. As ride officials helped the haggard &...
South Wales Police have commended a new scheme which has been set up in Cardiff City Centre. Stitch 'em Up, a service designed to combat the ever increasing problem of pickpocket crime in retail areas is the brainchild of Ms. Olwen Davies from Pe...
In a bid to become even more popular than the Beatles 'When I'm 64' and to defy the slogan 'The Good Die Young' the Government is to make sure people at 65 do not have to retire. In this devastating move not only are we on our way to solving the u...
Super sleuth reporter Herr Riballs has learned that Britain's oldest woman, Eunice Crabtree, has sadly passed away at 111. Eunice, who lived all her life in Swaffham, Norfolk, once joked that the secret of her long life was "20 Bensons, Special B...
Norma Gusset, a 95 year-old widow, faces the prospect of a prison sentence today, due to an innocent blunder with her waste recycling. Apparently, inspectors employed by Birmingham County Council, discovered not one, but two plastic bottles in the...
A new game has recently been developed, to appeal directly to the increasing number of elderly 'Silver Surfers'. Grand Theft Bathtub is a sister programme to Grand Theft Auto, but at a far slower pace, and is named in honour of the BBC's comedy g...
The Government has announced a revision of the Bus Pass allowances for people under 90 years of age. Protests from elderly citizens have been met vigoursly by Ministers. Suggestions that the Conservatives are going back on election promises are be...
In an astonishing announcement type thing yesterday, some science chap said that he has been doing some studying and that, of people and stuff. Our reporter bloke went to go and see him and he took a pen and paper too. Just for the look of the th...
Dear Mildred, Your column last week entitled Obituaries was a tad too long for my tastes. In fact, a couple of us were discussing it and it seemed as if it took up a good half of the newsletter. In the future, we'd appreciate it if you could keep the obituaries down to one or two. Also, it seemed a bit depressing. Perhaps you could throw in a joke or two to lighten the mood in the next issue.
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