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Funny satire stories about London 2012

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Funny story: Big cat security

Big cat security

Security at the 2012 Olympics will be as tight as its ever been but experts have said they are training up tigers to deal with any major trouble makers. "The eyes of the world will be on us and if we let trouble get out of hand we'll be the laughi...

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Funny story: "Evenin' All!" - Shop workers enticed to train as special constables for 2012

"Evenin' All!" - Shop workers enticed to train as special constables for 2012

The Metropolitan Police have asked retailers to free up shop staff on full pay (minimum wage?) to work as special constables with full Police powers...as in 'cannon fodder'...during the olympic Games debacle. The programme called (ironically) ESP...

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Funny story: London 2012: Surface-to-air missile defences for Olympic Games

London 2012: Surface-to-air missile defences for Olympic Games

Surface-to-air missiles could be used to protect the skies over London during the 2012 Olympic Games. Defence Secretary Philip Hammond said they would be rolled out if military top brass decide they are needed. Mr. Hammond told us, "We're intendin...

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Funny story: "Is that a gun or are you excited to see me?"

"Is that a gun or are you excited to see me?"

In yet another shock announcement it would appear that the UK is woefully short of around 11,000 security staff to oversee the forthcoming Olympic Games fiasco in 2012! Upon hearing this shock announcement President Obama immediately summoned his...

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Funny story: Preparations Underway For Journey Of Olympic Flame

Preparations Underway For Journey Of Olympic Flame

Preparations are now underway to ensure the safe journey of the Olympic Flame from the ancient Greek site of Olympia to the Olympic Stadium in London, for the 2012 Olympic Games. 'Many people wonder how the Flame can travel all that way without mi...

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Funny story: 2012 London Games Officials Reject Several Exhibition Sports

2012 London Games Officials Reject Several Exhibition Sports

Officials from the 2012 Olympic Committee have confirmed that they are rejecting several exhibition sports from this summer's games in London. While there will still be an international competition of Qigong, and a Rowing challenge, it was annou...

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Funny story: Dorking Review Brings Olympic Torch To Town

Dorking Review Brings Olympic Torch To Town

The Surrey town currently enjoying unprecedented attention thanks to a global publishing sensation is reeling again following today's announcement of next year's Olympic Torch Route. On day 63 of the torch's tour of the UK, it will visit Dorking o...

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Funny story: Dancing With The Stars To Be a London 2012 Olympic Event

Dancing With The Stars To Be a London 2012 Olympic Event

Strike up the band and get out your dancing shoes. It's just been confirmed that the U.S. blockbuster TV show DWTS will be a competitive "sport" at the London 2012 Olympics. The names of all the contestants have yet to be announced. But ther...

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Funny story: Dorking Review To Be Centre Of Olympic Extravaganza

Dorking Review To Be Centre Of Olympic Extravaganza

Businesses in a Surrey High Street are planning to make a worldwide best-selling book the centre of their Olympic celebrations next year. Dorking expects to welcome thousands of cycling fans from around the world when the London 2012 cycle road ra...

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Funny story: Princess Diana Memorial Fountain Extension Unlikely To Be Completed In Time For Olympics

Princess Diana Memorial Fountain Extension Unlikely To Be Completed In Time For Olympics

MARYLEBONE - LONDON:- Engineers engaged in the construction of the controversial Princess Diana Memorial Fountain extension, today admitted that the project is unlikely to be completed in time for the 2012 London Olympic Games. The original plans...

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Funny story: 2012 Olympics to be moved to lost city of Atlantis

2012 Olympics to be moved to lost city of Atlantis

Seb Coe, the thinking Woman's thinking man has looked into moving the Olympics to the lost city of Atlantis, claim reports on a not particularly reliable or trust worthy news source. The City of Atlantis is a legendary underwater city that was los...

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Funny story: 'Standing Stones' at Famous Wiltshire Site to be moved to London!

'Standing Stones' at Famous Wiltshire Site to be moved to London!

Following discussions with the government the famous ancient standing stones of Wiltshire's 'Stonehenge' are not going to have to be destroyed after all. Instead they are to be carefully taken down from there present site at Amesbury then relocated t...

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Funny story: London 2012 Olympics to be extended to avoid religious holidays

London 2012 Olympics to be extended to avoid religious holidays

As part of the London 2012 Olympics "Respect for religion" campaign, no sporting events will take place on any religious holy days. All Sundays will be left empty to appease the Christians, and Fridays and Saturday too because of the Jews and Muslims...

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Funny story: Andrew Lloyd Webber will pen the opening ceremony for 2012 Olympics

Andrew Lloyd Webber will pen the opening ceremony for 2012 Olympics

The British Olympic Committee has approached Andrew Lloyd Webber to produce the choreography for the London 2012 Olympics. "He is the perfect choreographer," said Seb Coe, who is inexplicably in charge of the whole thing. "He typifies British Big...

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Funny story: Philately to be Added to the 2012 Summer Olympics

Philately to be Added to the 2012 Summer Olympics

In a stunning decision, the International Committee has announced that the thrilling sport of philately will be added to 2012 Summer Olympics. Philately is more commonly known as "stamp collecting", Hell, even I had to look the fucking word up...

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Funny story: Slumdog Millionaire & Trainspotting Director Announces London Olympic Plea - We Need More Slum Dwellers and Junkies

Slumdog Millionaire & Trainspotting Director Announces London Olympic Plea - We Need More Slum Dwellers and Junkies

Danny Boyle the director of Slumdog Millionaire and Trainspotting who is in charge of the opening ceremony for the London Olympics has said that not enough junkies and slumdwellers have so far put themselves forward to take part. With less than a yea...

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Funny story: Starting Traps For The 2012 Olympic Games!

Starting Traps For The 2012 Olympic Games!

Following the false start and disqualification of Usain Bolt in the World Championships 100m athletics sprint final in Daegu the sports governing body the IAAF are to hold emergency talks with a view to changing the rules in time for the start of ne...

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