SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Twit, or tweet? When the cockpit of California Governor Schwarzenegger's plane filled with smoke, members of popular Internest social network YouChirp say they couldn't tell if his urgent warble at the site was some sort of pract...
Oxford and Harvard educated David Millipede has perfected street-cred speech mannerisms that stand comparison with Tony Bliar at his coolest. Speaking yesterday on the Today programme, Mr Millipede demonstrated near-perfect use of the glottal sto...
NEW YORK CITY, NY - The English language contains more words than any other on the planet, and it added its millionth early Wednesday morning, according to the Global Language Monitor, a web site that uses a mathematical formula to predict the freque...
Sherlock Holmes ate another slice of toast, while Dr. Watson read The Times out loud to him. ''In the early hours of this morning, a window at 10 Downing Street was seen to open, and a hand quickly threw the letter R out into the street, before slamming the window shut again'', the doctor read. ''Police seem to be baffled.' Very strange, Holmes, don't you think?' 'Undoubtedly, Watson. Get my...
It has been announced by Sweden's foreign office, that henceforth the words 'foreign' and 'foreigner' will be outlawed and exchanged to the people and E.U cash grant friendly friendly phrase: 'Immigrant/s that have yet to arrive on our shores'. Wh...
It has been forecast by lingual experts that the English language will receive its millionth word in April 2009, as reported on NPR. I would like to have the honor of being the person who invents the millionth word. It will be 'freedibiacle'. It will refer to that nasty itch you get in your nose when you are in public and can't scratch it without looking disgusting. It gets so bad that you hav...
In promulgating your esoteric cogitations or articulating your superficial sentimentalities, and amicable philosophical or psychological observations, beware of platitudinous ponderosity. Let your conversational communications possess a compacted conciseness, a clarified comprehensibility, a coalescent cogency, and a concatenated consistency. Eschew obfuscation and all conglomeration of flatulent...
With thousands of Polish people settling in Scotland, it was feared there would be problems with language and communication, as few Scots speak English, and if they do it's so badly spoken that even other Scots can't understand what they're saying.
A man trapped in a comma for over 10 years is finally up and walking - and is amazed it took so long! "It all started when I was minding my own business when all of a sudden this giant comma, out of nowhere, landed on top of me. I was, in, the, w...
British government Education Minister, Mrs Cherie Baybee, today made the surprise claim that British people had no problems with reading and writing. 'Thanks to the Labour goverment', she said, 'all children and adults are not only equal, they are...
KUALA LUMPUR, Maylaysia - Marshals maced thousands of fuming protesters livid about having to go to school. Over a hundred were arrested to protect the Throne. The protesters screamed "Long live the English language". Police were stunned...
Government ministers are this morning putting the finishing touches to a plan which will see countries that use the English language as their means of communication being charged for it. Countries such as the US, Australia, New Zealand, South Afri...
The Royal Mint are to bow to public pressure and produce new coinage with the values printed on them in Polish and Urdu as well as English. "One of the big complaints we have," said Royal Mint chief designer Ted Pounds, "is that the non-English sp...
Examples of English from around the world. In a Bangkok temple IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN Cocktail lounge, Norway LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR Doctors office, Rome SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES...
John Pilger relaxed in his Antipodean sauna in Victoria reading his Daily Spoof, and came across the article "UN selects Nottinghamese as new world dialect". Nottinghamese In a serious effort to keep up to date, he wrote a story entitled "The P...
The United Nations Language Unification Commission last night ended its long deliberations over which dialect of the English language should become the standard for The New Word Order. The head of the commission, Sir Tain Toby Adaftbuga, in our re...
A Crystal Palace man, who must remain nameless for legal reasons, started to speak fluently in the K'Naggit language of the Bakongo people of Angola when a boil on his backside burst. His wife Susan, a language teacher, thought she recognised some wo...
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