Former Health, Education, Water-parks, Traffic Control and Stationary Secretary Jeremy Hunt has spent the weekend waiting in a corridor for news of his next appointment, Deputy Prime Minister and keeper of the Parliamentary pornography. Waiting fo...
Decades following the publication of Australian philosopher Peter Singer's landmark treatise Animal Liberation, which prompted dozens (some say even hundreds) of morally-conscious Americans to adopt a vegan lifestyle for ethical reasons, experts have...
Late last night, the Food and Drug Administration issued a public health advisory, warning that nearly 25 percent of Americans are pathologically fit and trim - victims of the newly-coined disorder known as "hyper-healthism." "We're at a turning p...
Clearly feeling the heat as he approached his looming slaughter at the age of six weeks, a bloated five-week-old teenage turkey desperately attempted to talk up the appeal of "mock meats" like the widely popular soy-based Tofurky. "Mmmm, Tofurky!"...
For those of you scheduled to undergo surgery in the near future, you might want to add a few items to your hospital overnight ditty bag. In addition to the usual stash of toothpaste, toothbrush, rosary beads, rabbits foot, Heineken, magazines and Fig Newtons, be sure to include the following: Magic Markers, pens, spray paint, Crayolas, road flares, neon arrows, and a flashing "This End Up" sign.
Following claims by the McDonut's chain that their burgers are more nutritious than a rump steak, the International Standards Association conducted a scientific analysis of their burgers globally. The summarised results show the following slightly wo...
Winston-Salem, NC [PP] -- Doctors at Wake Forest Medical Center are perplexed at a sudden increase of problems in patients buttocks. They blame the Internet for the cause, based on the reports of some patients. "I was just laughing away while mess...
Dear Congressman Chaffetz: I just wanted you to know that the day after you spoke out about health insurance for low income Americans, I cancelled my order for a new iPhone 7. Not only that, but I got together with the other tenants in my apartment building, and persuaded them to cancel their orders for new iPhones. And without any further urging from me, they voted to a man to cancel all out...
San Diego - Drug company Pfizer has announced that clinical studies have completed and their new drug Cinestop, designed to treat sufferers of Cinementia, has been approved by the FDA and will be available soon. Cinementia is a debilitating form o...
WELCOME to the website of THE VODKA DIET™! You are the 2nd visitor to this site! We at THE VODKA DIET™ are excited to bring you the information you need to attain a healthy and happy lifestyle! Are you ready to join the millions of people worldwide who have discovered the benefits of THE VODKA DIET™? Here's how to get started: First, select your short term and long t...
Questions from my patients. Embarrassing Bodies. Do we all deserve the body we stand in? I'm a zookeeper. My mouth is where my anus should be. My penis is where my right thumb should be. Should I be careful in the monkey enclosure at feeding time? Claude Nutts DR F: Lucky you! So you still talk shite but don't need a dummy anymore? I've an embarrassing body. It's the body of elders at...
They may be one of the hottest acts in pop at the moment, but US dance music duo the Chainsmokers are being criticized by health organisations and campaigners because of their rather unhealthy-sounding name. The twosome, Andrew Taggart and Alex Pa...
Every year providers and patients from around the world travel to a central location to attend the annual Misophonia Convention. Misophonia is a disorder of the autonomous nervous system in which particular patterned sounds are incorrectly processed...
Scientists everywhere agree that technology is progressing at an exponential rate and that, ultimately, biology and technology will fully and irrevocably merge - a phenomenon many have termed the "singularity." What's been hotly debated, however, is...
Parents, don't be so quick to slap down the hand of your booger eating child, they could be growing some serious brains. Scientists have discovered an entirely new class of compounds in boogers that they are calling cerebrogenic, or brain building.
At the start of 2016, long-time cohorts Cold and Fever exchanged solemn New Year's resolutions to lose weight and gain weight, respectively. Cold admitted to having really packed on the pounds in recent decades. He pointed to the oft-touted home r...
NASHVILLE, TN- With the new year fast approaching, YMCA of Hendersonville announced yesterday they will be hiring 2 million seasonal employees to help combat the massive influx of people expected to make an appearance during the first week of the New...
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