A note to the public in general, next week is Fart Awareness Week so please check your local newspaper to see where the classes will be taught in your area. The classes will last for one week only, but by week's end, you'll be able to tell everythin...
Worldwide Environmental Protection Agencies, especially the British and Colonial divisions will begin monitoring Carbon Dioxide and Methane. EPAUK has resolved to track every breathing mammal for its CO2 load. USAEPA has made a similar resolution:...
The Department of the Environment have published the following scale and would like to know where you rate? Please send your answers via Airmail. The Farter Chart .... Types Of Farters VAIN : One who loves the smell of his own fart AMBITIOUS : Always ready for a fart LAZY : Just fizzle AMIABLE : Likes to smell others' farts PROUD : Thinks his farts are exceptionally pleasant S...
A Moslem woman has made a scathing allegation, about a Dudley man she says contributed to the acceleration of Global Warming this morning, when he deliberately unleashed a bolt of methane gas from his arse, that shot straight through the Ozone Layer,...
Frijole, TX (RS) -- In its "Amigo to the Environment" campaign, Burrito Bell announced today that all its resturants will soon offer methane emission offsets to its customers. The offset prices range from 4 cents on a simple tostada, to $1.06 on a...
University of Flat U Lence archeologist Ackmed I. Wuzza Arab described locating for the first time several fossilized farts in what is believed by Egytologists to be the actual "intestinal gas" left by Ptolemy the Winded. Applauding what Wuzza Arab c...
A Father of three from Kingswood in Kent has drowned himself whilst using a bizarre home made mask he developed specifically for smelling his own farts. Clifford Shellbreaker who lived in a bungalow off Gravelly Bottom Road had a strange fascinati...
Gobal warming experts have begun to stress the deliterious effects of methane gas release on world wide temperature. Landfills of course are being targeted as dangerous sources of methane but an unexpected culprit is being identified as a possible hi...
CUBA - When you're farting, the whole world really does fart with you. A paper published Friday in a cuban medical journal concludes that farting is contagious - and that people pass on their foul smell even to total strangers. African researcher...
In a recent study by John Lennon University, Liverpool, it was shown that married men live on average seven years longer than their unmarried but dating counterparts. This outweighs any early deaths from being overweight, drinking too much or smoking...
It began as just a bad idea. Someone at the EPA heard that the government wanted to lower the amounts of methane and other green-house gases to help stop global warming, which according to President Bush doesn't even exist. And so, they decided tha...
Francesca Delaney, an Iowa woman who has had more than her share of fame recently, has now claimed her boyfriend, Zeb Johanson, has solved the world energy crisis. Apparently Mr. Johanson captures his self produced methane, (i.e. farts) and pumps it...
Captain Willie Gallas got so full of gas at his Arsenal team mates, especially the free sprite, Robin Van Persie that Gallas let rip a gaseous explosion that made the Hindenburg look like a vart. The field cleared immediately amid players protestatio...
In a miraculous event, Pope Benedict XVI parted waters across all oceans, lakes and rivers this past Sunday, while commemorating the death of Martin de Flatulenz, patron saint of intestinal ills. With arms spread wide as an open gesture of welcome...
Celebrity sweary chef Gordon Ramsay today backed up public opinion by stating unequivocally that farting was back in fashion. 'It's a pity really that farting has been so demonised in this politically correct age,' Ramsay said to an associate in H...
A Baker from Stoke-on-Trent is in hot water this week after giving younger customers his 'tasty air biscuits'. Barry Baker, perhaps destined to work in the trade given his moniker, has been baking treats and delights for his local community for th...
Mr Arnold Trumper was today being comforted by friends and family after a world record farting attempt ended in disaster. Mr Trumper from Dudley in the West Midlands was yesterday attempting to break the record for the world's longest fart. After...
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