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Funny story: The Secret England Footballer: World Cup Shambles, My Personal Roundup

The Secret England Footballer: World Cup Shambles, My Personal Roundup

By the time you read this, I'll be back in Blighty doing the biz with the owner's daughter again. Just what I need and so does she. We'll be off to Ibiza for some pre-season R&R shortly. Well, never let it be said that I didn't do my best for...

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Funny story: Cloud In Shape Of Penis Draws Big Crowd

Cloud In Shape Of Penis Draws Big Crowd

There was mayhem in one Indian city on Friday, as thousands of women rushed to become 'blessed with sacred milk', when a cloud in the shape of a huge penis appeared in the sky above the city. The penis, I beg your pardon, the cloud, started to for...

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Funny story: The Secret England Footballer: Croatia and Cretinous Decisions. I told you so.

The Secret England Footballer: Croatia and Cretinous Decisions. I told you so.

You know I told you so. It's taken a day or two for me to get over my anger, but now I feel free to vent my spleen. Forget Gareth's M&S waistcoat, the penalty win over Columbia, slab head Maguire's goal, getting us to the semi-final and all th...

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Funny story: BBC Sports Commentator Sets Precedent by Using the Word "Unprecedented"

BBC Sports Commentator Sets Precedent by Using the Word "Unprecedented"

Football fans were stunned and amazed while watching coverage of England vs. Colombia when commentator Simon Brotherton deliberately used the word "unprecedented". The BBC switchboard and Twitter account were overwhelmed by the response, including d...

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Funny story: The Secret England Footballer: The Swedes and Me Looking Like a Turnip

The Secret England Footballer: The Swedes and Me Looking Like a Turnip

"Lack of egos" in this England team is apparently what people are saying. "Esprit de corps" and lack of egos is exactly right and that's what's wrong with this team. Nobody has the balls to stand up to "Mr. Southgate" and tell him where he's going wr...

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Funny story: Rude Drawing Found In Condensation On Bus Window

Rude Drawing Found In Condensation On Bus Window

Passengers on a public bus in Hull were said to be 'sickened' today, after witnessing a drawing of a penis and testicles on one of the windows. The image, about 30cm high and 20cm wide, had been etched with a finger into the early morning condensa...

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Funny story: The Secret England Footballer: First Round Tunisia Yessssssssss!

The Secret England Footballer: First Round Tunisia Yessssssssss!

Would you Adam and Eve it? We only bloody did it. We bloody won a match. Harry, you're not the wuss I've been saying you are (not to your face, obviously). Hats off to the Tottenham mumbler. I always knew you were class. There was one downer for m...

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Funny story: The Secret England Footballer: Russia 2018 Repino base

The Secret England Footballer: Russia 2018 Repino base

What a dump. I checked Tripadvisor before coming here and it's even worse then I thought. I'm in the middle of nowhere and there are less than 3,000 people here. Points of interest: Chapel of Saints Cosmas and Damian, you won't find me in there,...

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Funny story: Jeremy Thorpe - Margaret Thatcher Love Affair Revealed

Jeremy Thorpe - Margaret Thatcher Love Affair Revealed

Following on from the successful BBC true life drama "A Very English Scandal", a hitherto unpublished diary has been uncovered, containing revelations of a short but torrid affair between Liberal MP and gay poster boy Jeremy Thorpe and another young...

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Funny story: "Me Too" Bags Another; Disgraced School Chief Quits

"Me Too" Bags Another; Disgraced School Chief Quits

In the wake of New York attorney general Eric Schneiderman's resignation, another top government official elsewhere has succumbed after similar startling revelations of unwanted sexual assaults on women. Following a painful and sometimes tearful c...

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Funny story: The Secret England Footballer: Russia 2018 Call Up

The Secret England Footballer: Russia 2018 Call Up

I know...I know what you’re thinking. How is it that after two years in the wilderness Gormless Gareth has seen the light and called me back into the squad? I’ll tell you how. Even GG knows class when he sees it and it’s when the going gets tough...

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Funny story: Couple's security footage 'viewed by voyeurs'

Couple's security footage 'viewed by voyeurs'

Tony and Mary, are in their seventies, and have been watched by thousands of people around the world on their web-enabled security cameras - and didn’t even know. In 2015, due to security concerns, they fitted their suburban semi with what they th...

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Funny story: 60 year old man with half of his teeth, and no money doesn't understand why he isn't attractive to younger women

60 year old man with half of his teeth, and no money doesn't understand why he isn't attractive to younger women

Gary Wayne Johnson from Chutney on the Fritz, a sixty-three-year-old with a habit of losing his teeth to the dentist can't understand why women half his age aren't interested in him like they are with wealthy and successful film stars and musicians.

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Funny story: Facebook Approach Was 'All Wrong'

Facebook Approach Was 'All Wrong'

A man who made overtures on Facebook to the stepdaughter of a writer from the satirical news website, TheSpoof.com, got his approach all wrong, in my opinion. Rajput Kig Rana Usman, a Pakistani gentleman, made Facebook friends with one of Moys Ken...

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Funny story: Commonwealth Games Roundup: Australian Women Come Top

Commonwealth Games Roundup: Australian Women Come Top

The 2018 Commonwealth Games in Australia’s Gold Coast certainly lived up to their unofficial title of the “over-friendly games” in the athletes’ village with the home team’s women proving their strength in sprints, long distance and team events. It w...

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Funny story: Frugal Penthouse Playboy Has Trouble Finding Quality Mistress

Frugal Penthouse Playboy Has Trouble Finding Quality Mistress

To his dismay, penthouse playboy Earl Cook says that he's encountered unexpected difficulties in finding a quality mistress due to his intense aversion to spending money on anyone other than himself. An impressive example of pull-yourself-up-by-yo...

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Funny story: Magnets sue to express their same-polarity attraction

Magnets sue to express their same-polarity attraction

Two north pole magnets are suing because they really love each other and are not allowed to unite. According to their attorney, Dave Smith, they should have the right to express their attraction to one another and not be forced to keep it hidden.

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