The following is a transcript from Donald Trump's speech at Gettysburg, October 22, 2016. Gettysburg, PA--Eleven score and seven gropes ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived by libertines, and dedicated to the pro...
In an unprecedented TV interview on Fox News this morning, Donald J. Trump shocked the nation by confessing that for the past 18 months he has been a "Democrat in wolf's clothing". As the audience sat in stunned silence, he admitted that he was worki...
Washington, DC An anonymous spokesman for the 9/10 of the Republican Party that aren't supporting the party's 2016 candidate, put out a press release stating that "the rest of the Republican Party will be hiding out in an undisclosed location until t...
Washington, DC According to the latest polls for the U.S. 2016 Presidential Election, Republican and Democratic candidates Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton had canceled each other out and now nobody wants them for President. Spoke a supporter: "Af...
Mobile, AL--At a rally last week in Mobile, Donald Trump bragged that he could stand on Fifth Avenue and call one of his supporters a fat slob, and she'd still vote for him. When a reporter from The Mobile Register went out to a local trailer pa...
New Hartford, CT--Reggie Whitford, a patient suffering from stage 2 colorectal cancer, died on Tuesday eight months after firing what he groused to his family members was a "goddamn career oncologist." His former oncologist, Dr. Sudhir Parikh, was...
Washington DC - - The Republican Party is no longer saddled with history's least popular presidential candidate. The right-leaning politicians have replaced their presidential nominee Donald Trump with a salami sandwich. Mantz Fembol, temporary ch...
Washington, D. C.--In preparing for the upcoming debates with Donald Trump, Clinton campaign spokesperson Robby Mook announced today that it has has hired Billy Vermon, a successful lemonade magnate, to stand in for Donald Trump. Nine year old Bi...
My wife and I went to see a movie called Trump's America at a local multiplex which will remain unnamed. When I purchased the tickets for the movie, the cashier behind the window asked to see my and my wife's photo IDs, to make sure we weren't Mexic...
BURNT CORN, AL--Donald Trump, at a rally Tuesday in Alabama, was hospitalized after he began choking on his own ego. Trump was building up to the peroration of his speech, in which he praised himself as the sole solution to all that ails the Uni...
TRUMP HEADQUARTERS (that is, Trump's head)--Donald Trump today suspended his campaign after running out of adjectives aimed at his main demographic: Those who speak and write at the level of fourth graders. After "Crooked Hillary" began to get old,...
Washington, DC The Republican Party, after the 2016 Republican Convention nominated Donald Trump and Mike Pence for its official candidates, woke up and realized it was really happening and not just a bad dream. Realizing they were headed for one of...
Springfield, IL--Donald Trump, at a rally in the city where Abraham Lincoln launched his political career, was caught plagiarizing the person whom many consider to be the founder of the Republican Party in a campaign speech he delivered to a grou...
Williamstown, KY--Answers in Genesis, the fundamentalist Bible apologetics organization that advocates the Earth is only four thousand years old and even built a museum in Petersburg, KY, to prove that thesis, announced today that they were going to...
Washington, DC The Republican Party announced today that they would disband rather than back Donald Trump, who according to their process, has won enough delegates to secure the Republican Party nomination for U.S. President. The Republican Party,...
The New York Times revealed this morning that leaked memos from the GOP indicate that the Little Turd who wouldn't flush will be honored by Donald Trump at the upcoming GOP convention. GOP (Grand old Poop) to dedicate last evening at convention t...
Following his decisive loss to Republican frontrunner Donald Trump, Senator Ted Cruz has officially announced that he will be suspending his 2016 Presidential Campaign. Stating that "There is no longer a decisive path to victory," he made the announc...
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