London - Tory Party co-chair and smug little homophobe Baroness Warsi's Pope-schmoozing trip was hailed a triumph in Rome today. Her taxpayer-funded two-day freebie has blamed 'militant secularisation' for the UK's ills in a smoke 'n' mirrors char...
Washington DC - According to local nuns here, Catholics will not be required to carry birth-control devices in plain-sight when they leave home. In a special ceremony conducted behind closed-doors, a resolution was reached at the White House. Ac...
London - The 'God's Banker Medal' (2nd Class) is in the personal gift of His Holiness and can be rescinded at the discharge of a beretta - er...dropping of a biretta! - the Pope's mouthpiece said today. Typically recipients must show extraordinary...
The Vatican has announced that Pope Benedict XVI will star in his own television sitcom, to be based on the Pope's everyday life. The Pope will write the script, as he is a keen comedy writer. The Pope has been doing standup comedy for a few years...
Rome - Unhexing the stricken pleasure cruiser requires meticulous Bell, Book & Candle stuff the Pope has warned ahead of new attempts to refloat the boat. Its Friday the 13th sinking on the Russian Orthodox calendar's New Year's Eve means devi...
There was a dramatic end to a keenly-fought rugby match against local rivals Hull F.C. when Hull Kingston Rovers ran out of time after a late conversion. With only two minutes left, Rovers were trailing by just one point as their full-back was ge...
Rome - It's part of moves to atone for the Extraterrestrial Schizm that's rocked the Church since the year dot: God's covenant with non-Earthlings embraces the appointment on an ET pontiff to suck seed (sick) Papa Ratzi - as decreed by the Virgin...
Rome - Bishop Guido Sarduchee held a press conference today announcing that the Vatican has been taken over by the Italian government. The relics of Christendom are now available on Ebray, the online action house. The Pope himself is up for ren...
Rome - He's suffering from degenerative arthrosis that's said to have affected his hips, ankles, toes and niece (sic). Today Vatican medics let it be known they've prescribed medicinal marijuana to help ease His Holiness into the High Altar and -...
Vatican--Pope John Paul II is still waiting for the second miracle to propel him to sainthood, and he is getting nervous that good Roman Catholics might have forgotten him. "It is real easy for a dead man to be forgotten, but I thought I lived an...
London - It's a made-in-heaven opportunity of a lifetime as financial creationists hail the Vatican's latest scam - er...plan! - announced during the Eurozone crisis this week. The proposed establishment of a World Central Bank sees ex-UK Prime Mo...
Vatican--Pope Benedict XVI is sticking by his claim that he isn't a Nazi, after Susan Sarandon called him a Nazi and forced him to publicly denounce his affiliation with the Nazi party. "I am not a Nazi, I stopped being a Nazi when I discovered t...
London - The atmosphere in Rome is said to be 'psychotic' as the discovery of a demonic throne on Mars this week has sent shockwaves through the Vatican. Experts say the Martian carving appears to be a much bigger copy of the Fauteuil du Diable -...
Rome - (Jesus Wept News): A 'spolier' prediction by cabinet-maker and amateur seismologist Raffaele Bendandi has rattled the Vatican. The wannabe seer reckoned that today, May 11th's astrological alignments would spark the Big One, razing the Eter...
The late Pope John-Paul II has performed a first miracle after his beatification in Rome this past Sunday. The former Polish-born Karol Wojtyla intercepted to help American C.I.A. agents shoot straight when they attacked Osama Bin Laden's luxury...
For months Alabama Crimson Tide fans have been perplexed as to how their multi-touchdown lead at halftime resulted in a 28-27 loss to the Auburn Tigers. Today Vatican officials announced that the result was the miraculous intervention of Pope John...
As hundreds of thousands (vermicelli) of people gathered in St Peter's Square (the Vatican estimate numbers are to be over 1 million) today, to see the beatification of Pope John Paul II and, no one could have made this one up! This has got to be one...
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