The United Kingdom armed forces have been decimated by recent cuts with unforeseen consequences. An average nuclear-powered hunter-killer sub requires a crew of 76 and a Trident sub needs a crew of 142 men and women. The above numbers do not in...
Dear Constituents I have had a very busy week and should really take a break away from the pressure of constituency work. But duty calls and, anyway, my wife thinks we should visit her mother in Macclesfield. My impending visit to Greece in time for their next bailout or complete exit from the Euro sounds like my best chance for fun before Parliament re-opens. By the way, explaining whe...
Monday 6th Aug Topic: Headline "29 councils axe pest control" Source: The Sun Extract: Twenty-nine pest control departments across the UK have closed in two years. And society's most vulnerable - families who cannot afford to pay private firms to control vermin - are most in danger. The British Pest Control Association warned that illnesses such as Weil's Disease could increasingly be s...
Dear Constituents I have had a very hectic week and am now way behind with my Newsletters. This is because I have been focussing hard on my training for the 2016 Olympic Games. I reckon four years should be enough for me to qualify for Team GB although we first need to get my sport recognised by the IOC. As a sport, donkey dressage, donkey cross-country and donkey show jumping is not as r...
Kenya's new, refurbished parliament and the MP's that sit in there have been rewarded for their outstanding, dedicated work to mankind with new chairs worth $3000 dollars, per bum! The chairs are actually worth more than the average Kenyan coffee pic...
Monday 30th July 2012 Topic: Benefits Headline: Source: The Sun Extract: 900,000 Brits have been on the sick for more than ten years - with hundreds claiming cash for obesity, headaches and even ACNE. And there are virtually no checks to see whether the 885,100 people who have received incapacity benefit for a decade still need it. The figure includes 22,640 alcoholics and drug...
A British poll that resulted in Alfred Hitchcock's Vertigo being named as the greatest film of all time has caused outrage in the British parliament. Culture Secretary Jeremy Hunt agreed to demands yesterday from furious MPs for a judicial inq...
David Cameron is the leading contender for this years Robert Muggabe Mud Hut award. The prestigious award has previously been given to Butcher Blair, George W Bush, Gordon (one eye) Brown to name but a few. Each winner is given his own personal hu...
Dear Constituents I have had such a hectic week and am now well behind with my newsletters. You might have thought I had already forgotten about you what with the summer recess and the sun shining but this is far from the truth. The sun will continue to shine ever brightly through my regular Newsletter. I'm off to Greece in a week or so, on a fact-finding visit. It's also so that I can...
Dear Constituents Sorry about the few spelling mistakes in my last Newsletter but I was very upset. I am much better now, thank you, and have received several emails of support during this very difficult time - many of them offering sympathy and advice on how to cope with George's passing. Reverend Jacobs asked that I call in at his church next Sunday for guidance and strength. I sai...
Dear Constituents I have had a hectic but very depressing few days that has left me questioning my policy towards a certain subject that I normally try not to contemplate - death. I'm sorry to sound morbid first thing on a morning but I need to share some most private thoughts with you so please don't forward this email without my permission. I wouldn't want any old Tom, Dick or Harry thinki...
Dear Constituents That was a hectic weekend. Sorry for the late post but my server was down. There was only one notable weekend success worth reporting and it will do little for my re-election chances, but I photo might appear in the Krupton News. I won the Three Legged Race at Saturday afternoon's Church Fete. Technically, I suppose, it was a partnership of two but the win will clea...
Dear Constituents I have had a very hectic few days. Amongst the best forgotten highlights was a meeting with a civil servant. This meeting was necessary as I am occasionally required to represent the views of Krupton's rural community. Those living in cities might imagine this community to consist of wealthy hereditary farmers with vast acres of woodland and fields and their farm hands livi...
Dear Constituents I have had a very hectic week so far, much of it taken up with dealing with constituents very angry about the banks. I have become quite used to this anger over the last year or so but an MP has to be very careful replying to some emails - in one case from a woman unable to pay the mortgage and with bailiffs about to move in. My first nightmare image was of a front pag...
Dear Constituents I had such a hectic weekend but it was spoiled again by the rain. For those constituents untrained in meteorology I can confirm that the current weather is caused by the jet stream having moved much further south this year. However, I suspect a more obvious link to the Eurozone crisis. As a result, I have asked the Met Office to look into the likelihood of a conspiracy...
Throughout the corridors of power it is well known that the Prime Minister idolises the Star Wars antagonist Lord Vader and for some time many backbenchers have feared this obsession would play out in party politics. Fourteen months since getting...
Dear Constituents I've had such a hectic weekend and it didn't go as I planned. Saturday began with Mrs Kelp demanding that I devote what she called some "overdue quality time" with my family. I made the mistake of replying that weekends are the only time I get for devoting quality time to my constituents. At this point she got rather cross and said that the least I could do would be to spe...
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