WASHINGTON D.C. - It was announced today that people caught collecting oil off the Gulf coast, could be prosecuted in a tough crackdown on pirates. BP is siphoning 5,000 barrels a day from the well head and skimming another 5 to 10 thousand off th...
WASHINGTON - Fire booms failed. So did a behemoth box, a secondary pipe to siphon leaking oil, and the EPA doesn't want BP using a EPA approved oil dispersant to minimize environmental damage from oil spilling into the Gulf of Mexico miles below the...
LOS ANGELES - A spokesperson for Lionsdoor Pictures has just announced that Zac Efron, Robert Pattinson, and Taylor Lautner have been signed to star in the Benigo Luigi Montemarciano oil mess thriller Louisiana Tar Balls. The film takes place righ...
Earlier today, NASA released new photographs of the ever changing, swirling, widening Gulf oil spill which appear to show the face of The Obama amid the goo that is destroying local ecosystems. This is not the first reporting of the face of The Ob...
WALLA WALLA, Washington - President Obama spoke before the springtime convention of the Underprivileged Children of Professional Northwest Lumberjacks at Walla Walla's newly-dedicated Vice-President Joe Biden Auditorium. Afterwards he was asked wh...
Sweet Home, Alabama - BP today ended the oil spill into the Gulf of Mexico by blowing the well up with a nuclear bomb. The explosion was felt as far north as Tennessee. The cloud from the explosion could be seen all the way from Canada. The explos...
"We can't go out shopping or anything right now", stated a tired-looking Jason Whitaker of St. Petersburg, Florida. "Everybody in the house has the shits...or we did have the shits. Now it's mostly grunts and air." All along the Gulf coast the sam...
Oily Mess, LA - BP's CEO, Tony Hayward is becoming a public relations nightmare outpacing the oil spill as an even worse mess than tar balls on terns. A spokesperson for Lyen Waite Marketing of London warned last month that if they didn't reign in "...
HOUSTON, Texas - After using several questionable techniques to deal with a leak in the bathroom at Lamar McKay's corporate office in Houston, a local plumber finally capped the troublesome toilet permanently, according to the exasperated executive.
The US Coast Guard has declared that the tar balls being discovered in Florida are not from the BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, according to their study. "We have seen more than fifty cases in here", stated one doctor from St. Petersburg. "Th...
BP oil announced today that it has acquired the Bubba Gump Shrimp Corporation hoping to capitalize on the abundance of dying seafood in the Gulf and reduce their total liability from frivolous law suits. In a few short weeks, they will announce the f...
Yet another major oil spill now threatens the Mediterranean and the Fragile European Union as thousands of Greek Government Workers rally and dump millions of barrels of Virgin Olive Oil into the Aegean Sea! After bloody rioting, the burning of a...
CCN (Crazy Cal News) Gulf of Mexico - Since the last efforts to stop the leak have failed, BP has put their top scientists to work on the clean-up plan to protect the coast. After contacting consultants in Hollywood, the stylists have recommended p...
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Gulf of Mexico - BP's plans to use the Gulf of Mexico as a crude oil separation device are proceeding as planned. The 70,000 barrels of oil proceeding from the gash in the collapsed oil rig have been separating into different...
The state of Arizona was relieved from a mild irritant today when activists Al Sharpton, Charles Wrangle (sic) and Jesse Jackson rushed to Louisiana on reports from CNBC that 'Tar Babies' were washing up on shore! On Chris Matthews' show "HairBall...
BP has designated the surrounding Gulf shorelines near their spewing oil disaster as a ''live firing zone'' in a warning to protesters, members of the press and local residents. Mercenaries and low management unrolled razor wire across roads lead...
The BP oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico was successfully plugged this morning, following a joint effort between the U.S. Navy, BP's Golf Ball and Rubber Tire Department, and Rosie O'Donnell. In an apparent effort to use a plan mentioned in the press...
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