Well known for speaking on live television about her problematic, "vajayjay," it is being reported that Oprah Winfrey is under heavy pressure by Dr. Phil to release what he believes could be a secret weapon in the effort to plug the massive oil leak...
In what some sources are calling an effort to "make lemonade out of lemons," BP Oil announced today its entry into the soft drink market. "Bubble Up is a drink for all America," said the spokesperson. "It is not only good to drink, but its health...
BP announced today that it has changed its name from Beyond Petroleum to Beyond Pankton. This was greeted with bewilderment by the press who wondered how this could possibly help the company's image, especially at a time like this. Public relation...
CCN (Crazy Cal News) Gulf of Mexico - Since the last efforts to stop the leak have failed, BP has put their top scientists to work on the clean-up plan to protect the coast. After contacting consultants in Hollywood, the stylists have recommended p...
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Gulf of Mexico - BP's plans to use the Gulf of Mexico as a crude oil separation device are proceeding as planned. The 70,000 barrels of oil proceeding from the gash in the collapsed oil rig have been separating into different...
The state of Arizona was relieved from a mild irritant today when activists Al Sharpton, Charles Wrangle (sic) and Jesse Jackson rushed to Louisiana on reports from CNBC that 'Tar Babies' were washing up on shore! On Chris Matthews' show "HairBall...
NEW ORLEANS, LA - For a spill now nearly half the size of Exxon Valdez, the oil from the Deepwater Horizon disaster is pretty hard find. Satellite images show an estimated 4.6 million gallons of oil has pooled in a floating, shape-shifting blob o...
BP has designated the surrounding Gulf shorelines near their spewing oil disaster as a ''live firing zone'' in a warning to protesters, members of the press and local residents. Mercenaries and low management unrolled razor wire across roads lead...
New Orleans, LA - Oil executives returned back to their home-away-from-home in Louisiana after a grueling week in front of a Senate investigative panel to answer tough questions about the ongoing oil spill problem in the Gulf of Mexico. They decided...
The BP oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico was successfully plugged this morning, following a joint effort between the U.S. Navy, BP's Golf Ball and Rubber Tire Department, and Rosie O'Donnell. In an apparent effort to use a plan mentioned in the press...
"Big Oil Cover Up Bigger than Spill Itself," should have screamed the headlines in this morning's newspapers across the land. But alas, it was not to be. Instead, the only media outlets to pick up on the story of Halliburton's very real involvement i...
London - (Crude Mess): Globules of the dark slime began appearing this morning as ex-BP CEO Lord Browne prayed fervently beside the Diana shrine. The bastard son of Princess Margaret and Ronald Reagan left the UK supermajor three years ago followi...
ON THE GULF OF MEXICO - The Obama administration has released emergency plans this weekend to use the copious tar balls that are just now washing ashore, from the leak of the recent sinking of the gulf oil platform, as a paving medium. In a move...
A consumer products giant announced today that they have restructured their feminine products division temporarily to go ahead with plans to produce the world's largest maxi-pads for use in helping remove the oil that is permeating the waters off the...
Marketing Director for beleaguered giant oil company BP announced a new "Harvest Your Own Oil" program for US consumers. Newly employed, Mr. Matthews stated that the problem with deep sea oil has previously been that it is "deep down in the sea," but...
Malibu, CA - In a stunning turn, recently-displaced Dancing With The Stars contestant Pamela Anderson is donating several hundred of her old breast implants to the U.S. EPA and British Petroleum, in the hopes of suffocating the leaking oil site deep...
It is amazing how a few million dollars can change a person's perception of the world, especially when it comes to politics. Less than 2 years ago, Sarah Palin was the Governor of Alaska and the wife of an oil man--an oil man who worked for a company by the name of British Petroleum (BP). Yep, the very same oil company that is in the headlines today for one of the largest oil spills in history off...
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