CONVENT OF THE QUEER, WV (ABSNN) - The face of Republican Presidential nominee, Mitt Romney, "miraculously appeared" on a urinal mint, in the toilet of the Monk's Quarters, in this small Jesuit Convent tucked away in the foothills of west-central Wes...
CARIBOU, Maine - Mitt Romney's Mormon Merriment Presidential Campaign Bus Tour pulled into the town where reportedly most of the Revolutionary cannonballs were manufactured. Romney spoke before a crowd of 37 people that had gathered in the parking...
Mitt Romney appeared on Piers Morgan Tonight and talked with Morgan about the 2012 presidential campaign and his running mate Paul Ryan. PIERS: Good evening Mitt, and how the bloody 'ell are ya? ROMNEY: I'm good Piers. But let me remind you that I am a Mormon, a Republican, and a resident of Massachusetts, so I do not like anyone cursing in my presence. PIERS: Well why the bloomin' 'ell n...
SHERMAN OAKS - Charlie Sheen was relaxing by the pool at his Mulholland Estate Mansion Casa Jose Cuervo. He was listening to a Led Zeppelin CD, while drinking Tequila Sunrises, and talking about the Emmy Awards and how his ex-cast member on Two an...
NEW YORK CITY - It appears that other than the headaches that Mitt Romney is getting from being asked to show his income tax returns he now has to deal with his vice-presidential candidate Paul "Eddie Munster" Ryan. "Old Mittens" has admitted to t...
Sometime during the first Tuesday in November, Americans will be taking to the streets and demanding an Apple I-Phone 6, which is way better than voting for the next US President. The sad reality for the American people is that either way, someone w...
Mitt Romney has made a last ditch effort to get his campaign for president back on track by promising that, should he be elected to office, he will conclude the Gulf War with a final, epic instalment. The first Gulf War, Operation Desert Storm, wa...
Undecided voter Elmer Slocum, 109, of Dixville Notch, New Hampshire was surprised to learn today that his is the "one" vote the Romney camp has targeted to give Mitt the votes of all those not on welfare (50%) plus the winning one vote (Mr. Slocum) f...
Mitt Romney was caught with his pandering pants down recently, as he held a town hall-type of meeting with potential Latino voters. The problem was that he showed up with a visibly darker complexion, almost as if he had self-tanned to better fit in...
First Mitt Romney goes with a darker make up to sway the Hispanic vote, now he has taken to getting mammograms to sway the female vote. Mitt Romney has has stepped into the radiology lab and put his breasts on the slab. Mitt Romney has come out ad...
Washington, DC - A typographical error discovered on Mitt Romney's birth certificate yesterday has reshaped the Republican nominee's presidential campaign. Due to the omission of a single, small "m," the document defines Romney as "a Moron" instea...
A new Gallup poll published this morning indicates that Mitt Romney has surged in the polls particularly among liberals who now favor him by a margin of 83% to 15% for Obama. "It's a sympathy vote," states the poll. "Liberals are always for the under...
COW PATTY, IOWA (ABSNN) - Mitt Romney attmpted to show farmers he was one of them at a dairy farm in this small Iowa village Saturday morning. It didn't turn out well for the Republican nominee. He was injured while "milking" a bull that was isolat...
NEW ORLEANS - Ron Ryan faced the toughest audience of his political campaign when he spoke before elderly members of the American Association of Retired Persons. Little Bunny Foo Foo, as Ryan is called by most Democrats and some Republicans, was s...
Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney arranged another quickie press conference in the hopes to clear the air about his past. "It's come to my attention that the Blame-media hasn't done it's research and is letting some creep get away with an outrageo...
NEW YORK CITY (ABSNN) - Paris Hilton, the woman decried from every conservative, evangelical pulpit in the US, is now those very same Christian's newly minted, heterosexual pin up girl. Not only that, but some Republicans, speaking on Fox News, bega...
In a new tape of a Romney fundraiser in Boca Raton, Florida, presidential candidate Mitt Romney is heard telling $50,000 donors, "The 99% of the others out there simply have no idea what life is all about. They do lots and lots of hard work and we sh...
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