A 54-year-old Whitechapel man has told a local newspaper that the naked and unfettered hatred he felt towards an elderly lady who kept him waiting in line at the post office exceeded the burning loathing that the Ancient Greek hero, Achilles, felt to…
TERRE HAUTE, Indiana – (Satire News) – The advertising firm of Baconbock & Rosegunn, has informed employee Bernard Starsinger that lots of his fellow employees are fed up with his strange astronaut helmet fetish. They say that the helmet is ve…
A man was asked to leave Spodbury Leisure Centre today after reducing the water level by six inches in five minutes with his ridiculous beard and four-inch long back hair. As he left the poolside, builder ZeeZee Topp, 27, said, "This is discrimina…
Teacher Simon Bartholomew has realised that disruptive pupils were also wasting his time. The chap, forty years into his teaching career said 'I always Tommy Smith and Malcolm James that it was their own time they were wasting, but now I realise t…
A 54-year-old entomologist from Whitechapel in East London last night strongly refuted claims made by a member of the camera crew who accompanied him on a recent trip to study the behaviour of leaf-cutter ants in Borneo that he had a enjoyed a numbe…
Chutney on the Fritz least eligible bachelor Brian Asshat has once again bought all of the Post Office's Valentine's Cards. 'Yes,' said Brian. 'As I have done for years, I will be sending a Valentine card to all of the women in the hamlet, I mean…
The fifth baroness of a fictional place, who also has a lucrative television career has once again opened her mouth, only to put the other foot in it. 'Yes' said Michelle Wotsit 'I said something that made perfect sense to me, as someone born into…
An unnamed man, who boasted of his Philosophy degree on Question Time is philosophical about his self-inflicted national humiliation. The chap, who went armed with some sheets of paper and some facts gleaned from the Internet, and Dave and Snotty…
LIVERPOOL, England – (UK Satire) – True Dat News Agency writer Reggie Rickenbacker, is alleging that a Liverpool pole dancer is believed to be involved in a threesome with two of Great Britain’s most famous personalities, Simon Cowell and Piers Morga…
There was delight in the Sponge household this Valentines Day when Sharon, 46, forgot what a useless turd she'd married the moment he presented her with a box of Ferrero Rocher and a scrap of red polyester in a heart-shaped box. "It's wonderful,"…
Well hello there, How did you see in 2022? Were you at a party with some colleagues from Number 10? Were you busy throwing pieces of Coal into your neighbour’s gardens, like they do in Scotland? Or like a few people, did you go to bed at 10? Ha…
After three hours of listening to Radio 3, Brian Asshat is yet to hear any happy music. Chutney on the Fritz’s least eligible bachelor, but the most careful curator of pencil shavings, feathers and paperclips said ‘I was listening to a symphony by…
Gary and Lorraine Johnson have spent the last hour arguing over the last Twiglet. ‘I love Twiglets’ said Gary ‘but I hate Marmite, so if I want the taste of Marmite without the texture, I go for a Twiglet, but there was only one left, so I asked L…
A traditional family game of Jenga at Christmas has led to divorce like it has done every year for the past few years. Stacey Johnson and Sidney Bartholomew were playing their traditional family game of Jenga with Stacey’s Brother Gary, sister in…
A 54-year-old Whitechapel man has told a local newspaper that he was extremely disappointed when he failed to discover the body of a murder victim while out walking his new puppy at the weekend. Toby Dell, a gravity die-caster from Vallance Road,…
A 54-year-old Whitechapel man has told a local newspaper that he indulged in phone sex with a female work colleague during a marriage guidance session attended by himself and his wife. Toby Dell, from Brushfield Street, told The East London Gazett…
A 32-year-old woman from Shoreditch in East London revealed last night that she caught her husband having a saucy exchange with a woman living across the road using coded messages on an Aldis Lamp, a signalling device used by ships to transmit messag…
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