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Funny story: 'Now the Carnival is Over' as Kate Middleton wedding portrait spotted floating inside stricken Costa Concordia

'Now the Carnival is Over' as Kate Middleton wedding portrait spotted floating inside stricken Costa Concordia

Rome - Rumors that the Carnival Dream Class cruiser was hexed right from its 2006 launch took a new twist today. The royal wedding picture, seen by divers trying to blow a large new access hole in the capsized vessel, has confirmed the very worst.

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Funny story: Kate Middleton to become a Scouser for new reality show

Kate Middleton to become a Scouser for new reality show

The Duchess of Cambridge is to become a volunteer helper at her local scouse group as part of a new package of royal patronages. Kate will wear the Scouse Association's distinctive red luis suarez t-shirt, scarf and famous 1980s permed wig as she...

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Funny story: Partridge named as possible father of Kate's baby

Partridge named as possible father of Kate's baby

Gossip magazines are full of rumour currently about the possible news that Kate Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge, is carrying a child: Alan Partridge's child. Yes, the swanky half Irish comedian has been the focus of scuttle-butt for months no...

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Funny story: The 'Miss Havisham's Curtains' look for daft Kate at Spielberg premiere

The 'Miss Havisham's Curtains' look for daft Kate at Spielberg premiere

London - Togged out in classic psychotic dowager mode tonight her $5,000 designer gown looked cobbled together as if for some sadass mortuary fête. A whiteish under-dress of clinging, swooshy material made the dark outer lace dress seem like some...

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Funny story: Money for old rope as Kate and Wills cash in on War Horse premiere

Money for old rope as Kate and Wills cash in on War Horse premiere

London - Ten grand a ticket to hobnob with the dreadful faux royals at a lavish post-premiere bash has been slammed as a disgusting lapse of taste. The dosh is being paid into a slush fund called the Foundation of Prince William and Prince Harry t...

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Funny story: Missing millions explained: the Blairs paid Kate Middleton's £££s dowry

Missing millions explained: the Blairs paid Kate Middleton's £££s dowry

London - Documents seen by the usual sources show Little Miss Bigamist's bride price matches the mystery £8 million 'admin fees' charged by Tony Blair's WindBush Ventures Corp. The dosh was demanded by Queen Elizabeth when she found out Kate Middl...

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Funny story: A Cancer Full Moon for Kate Middleton's '30th' on Monday

A Cancer Full Moon for Kate Middleton's '30th' on Monday

London - Notable portents so far include the ex-Royal Yacht Britannia sinking in Scotland, Jamaica dumping Queen Elizabeth as head of state and a young woman's body discovered on the Sandringham estate. On Monday Kate Middleton will put all this b...

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Funny story: Rumours of 'cracks' in the royal marriage after Kate hears Russel Brand single again

Rumours of 'cracks' in the royal marriage after Kate hears Russel Brand single again

Sometimes even the life of a princess is not enough for some girls, and a source close to Wills and Kate confirmed that the ex Miss Middleton's 'heart skipped a beat' when she heard that wild child and botherer of pensioners' answerphones, Russel Bra...

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Funny story: Prince Philip forcibly ejected from hospital

Prince Philip forcibly ejected from hospital

After one too many "and what do you do's" and accusations of oderlies having "not defended their homelands against Hitler", Prince Philip was politely requested by two 34-stone hospital security guards to leave Papworth Hospital in Cambridgeshire whe...

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Funny story: Kate apes Diana in black evening dress disaster

Kate apes Diana in black evening dress disaster

London - It sent a chilling blast-from-the-past as Kate swept in on William's arm to a Red Top paper's party last night in a Diana copycat frock circa 1981. All eyes were on the cleavage, of course, which 34D Diana had amply filled despite 'totall...

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Funny story: Kate Middleton could be the face of new 2p coin

Kate Middleton could be the face of new 2p coin

London - Royal Mint sources have denied it's all a bit of parody on the famous Hamlet soliloquy opening lines from Act III, Scene 1. But the forging of a new 2p coin bearing La Middleton's face could provide a useful national distraction as EU lea...

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Funny story: Diplomatic service CEO slams royals' London 2012 gravy train bung

Diplomatic service CEO slams royals' London 2012 gravy train bung

London - The head of the UK Diplomatic Corpse has denounced Wills, Kaye and Harry for gorging their snouts in the Olympics gravy train trough. Sir Archibald Hoggsworth-Attashay said today the newly appointed London 2012 ambassadors 'were only in i...

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Funny story: Samantha Cameron and Kate Middleton 'are Italian sisters'

Samantha Cameron and Kate Middleton 'are Italian sisters'

London - The true extent of the Italian crisis was revealed today as genealogy experts in exotic genome strains published a comparison of the two women's DNA. "They've got the same Dad, these two little minxes," Royal Freak Hospital emeritius pro...

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Funny story: Kate's stunning teeth 'kept in a glass of water at night time'

Kate's stunning teeth 'kept in a glass of water at night time'

London - The cosmetic secrets of Kate Middleton's pearly gnashers were revealed at a press conference at lunchtime today. A perfect alignment of all 32 teeth is mostly due to their part-time role that regularly ends at bedtime, orthodontic sources...

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Funny story: Thanksgiving cold turkey as Kate banned from state banquet for President Abdullah Gul

Thanksgiving cold turkey as Kate banned from state banquet for President Abdullah Gul

London - She's been banished from Tuesday's glittering reception for Turkey President Abdullah Gul due to new bulimia attack fears that Kate Middleton will end up chucking up all over extinguished - er...distinguished! - guests. "The Queen just ca...

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Funny story: Kate fears 'buried alive horror' as William exiled to Lossiemouth

Kate fears 'buried alive horror' as William exiled to Lossiemouth

London - Media bollox about a move to Princess Margaret Thatcher's former Kensington Palace grace and favor bolthole were dealt a death blow today. An RAF announcement has confirmed Kate Middleton's chopper pilot husband William is to be sectioned...

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Funny story: Ugly hats on even uglier wannabe divas mar annual Cenotaph parade

Ugly hats on even uglier wannabe divas mar annual Cenotaph parade

London - Roadkill millinery enthusiasts are having none of it, of course, but today's display of hideous royal headgear nearly cracked Outside Broadcasting camera lenses at the annual Whitehall memorial service. "At least Prince Andrew's gargoyle...

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