Last night, while in a deep meditational state, I channelled the cosmic energy life force of one of the great mystical major domo dudes of this century, and a couple of others, at the very least. Jesus H. Crikey! Yep! the one and only. Below, I have related what his life force herbal essence type remnants of self deposited within the nook and cranny recesses of my unworthy mind. NOTE:...
Israel - Its concentrated anhydrous chlorides and asphalt discharges were the stuff of legend in ancient Egyptian pickling recipes to mummify the dead, as chronicled in the Dead Sea Scrolls. This week a survey of the world's deepest hypersaline la...
It is a source of great consternation to many Christians that the Bible, their holiest book, is more of a holey book. Now moves are afoot to correct some of the self contradictions and factual inaccuracies that riddle the tome. "The problems start...
A new scripture, the gospel of Bob, has been found in the deserts of Israel. It describes intimate details about the love life of Mary, mother of Jesus, and is sure to rock the foundations of the Christian world. In the gospel, which is written in the form of a sitcom, it describes Mary meeting her parents and telling her them of her pregnancy. It says: Mary: Hi, Mum, I have something to tel...
While touring the Midwest on the campaign trail, Rick Perry decided to take a detour to a fabled corner in the southern lands of America. A song speaks of a corner where the First path meets the road to Amistad. According to mythical radiological...
Pope Benedict has made a decision to explain the eighteen different holy relics all claiming to be the one true foreskin of Jesus Christ superstar. "Holy relics are an important part of the Catholic church," said Archdeacon Dean Conarch. "There ar...
Jesus is reducing his sales tax on getting to heaven to one percent, but this is only for the poor people of the world, this is drastically down from the record high 10% seen for two centuries. "I see may tax was causing more poor people to suff...
Director and overactor Mel "Mad" Gibson is set to produce another blockbuster biblical drama about Jewish hero and famous witticist, Jesus. The 65-year-old is collaborating with screenwriter Joe Eszterhazy to tell the story of the famously buff Je...
London - A mobile phone company has been censured for using religious imagery to boost sales. The 'winking Jesus' offended people's sensibilities almost as much as a previous 'Messiah' campaign for glue-maker No More Nails. Commenting on the ba...
In a shock statement released today, it was revealed that former British Prime Minister Tony Blair is the real father of Rupert Murdoch's youngest child after taking part in an immaculate conception ceremony in the Holy land with the Australian Oliga...
Tottenham Hotspur have clinched a two year deal for FC Nazareth star Jesus Christ. Jesus, 2011, has been in talks with the North London side since Easter, but is now glad to be with what he calls his 'second home'. "I'm so glad to be here", sa...
Camp perma-tanned housewives' favourite Dale Winton has controversially announced that he is a messenger of God, and that he has an important message for the human race. Dale was on holiday in Egypt and decided to go for a walk in the desert "to c...
Libuse, La. - Mrs. Del Taylor remembers last Friday morning when, she says with a bit of nervous laughter, she discovered only four eggs and a small packet of grated American cheese in the refrigerator. Her husband Kenny was in the bathroom readying...
Theologians working in Jerusalem have uncovered a new text that accompanies the New Testament having been written by Joseph of Nazareth. "It's an amazing first hand account," said Al Salem, a theologian at the Jerusalem Bible Study Institute in B...
The Church of England, for decades branded the Tory Party at Prayer, have unveiled shocking new plans to take their form of Christianity into the 21st Century. Not since the Crusades have a denomination decided to radicalize so thoroughly and with...
Armageddon is a true concept the only problem being it has been misinterpreted by some foolish self-proclaimed prophets for many years. Too many! These ego-driven maniacs who, incidentally, appear to belong to the group "I used to be indecisive but now I'm not so sure", just do not seem to be able to agree on a date. It is unfortunate that these 'prophets' appear to have missed the whole po...
After his annual crucifixion (or non?) and two day later resurrection it seems that Jesus, after 2011 years, is sick of Jerusalem. After they chopped him down, put him in his tomb and rolled the stone in front the whole world prayed (apart from Mu...
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