Silvio Berlusconi, "The Permatanned man" that scared the Queen, today announced that he was thinking of declaring war on Switzerland as rumours spread that they had something to do with causing the Earthquake in the town of L'Aquila last week. "Th...
The head of Italy's Mafia families - the Capo di Tutti Frutti, Doggio Constructione - today praised the Mafia for saving lives in L'Aquila's earthquake. 'If it hadn't been for us', Don Constructione said, 'the death toll would have been ten times wor...
Rome - (DidTheEarthMoveForYou? Ass Mess): World Geological Survey satanists are warning the Vatican is the obvious next target in the current earth tremor season devastating vast swathes of Italy. The Roman religious center lies on a pre-Lemurian...
Celebrities have got together today to support the victims of the Italian earthquake. U2's Bono said, "Italy is the forgotten country of Africa, and these poor people need our support, so give them your f**king money, NOW." He added, "We believe t...
SECAUCUS, New Jersey - The Garden State has just been rattled by the third earthquake in as many weeks. People are starting to call New Jersey, 'California East.' Dante Carmine Calabrese, owner of The Mr. and Mrs. Dante Carmine Calabrese Insurance...
Sacramento/CA/ German-American Science News - Barely in power one day, and the Clinton Cabinet surrounding President Barack O'Bama is urging an immediate surgical strike to cut off the powerful opposition led by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Sena...
YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK, Wyoming - Scientists and geologists throughout America are puzzled as to what is causing the hundreds of earthquakes at Yellowstone National Park. Tucker McRemington, the park's executive director said that if he didn't...
In California on Tuesday, Californians accidentally broke the world record for the number of people crouching simultaneously. Harking back to the fifties when school children would regularly crouch under their desks to prepare themselves for a nu...
Bandar Abbas, Iran - (X-Files Mess): A UFO suspected of attacking religious nutter the Reverend Sun Myung Moon's helicopter over Thailand last month may be behind the earthquake at a top secret Iranian military nuclear bunker near Bandar Abbas. Th...
A rare, what appeared be, an earthquake rocked Washington, D.C. yesterday shattering scores of windows and forcing both governmental and civilian inhabitants to scurry for safety. There were no reports of injuries, deaths or major damage. The epicen...
Berkeley PRSFI, August 2010: Two years of diligent effort have restored the infrastructure of San Francisco Island to its former greatness. The big one finally hit the city of San Francisco in the middle of the summer of 2008. This earthquake measur...
Large sections of the Earth didn't disappear today, as earthquakes didn't open the Earth's crust.
Phu Quoc, Cambodia - (Extraterrestrial Mess): Vietnam's air force has shot down an ominous-looking UFO that had been spotted hovering menacingly in its sovereign airspace.
French fashion house Christian Dio'r Priced says it is dropping mammary-prominent peroxide actress Sharon 'ice pick' Stone from its advertisements after her remarks referring to a recent devastating event as an "earthquake&qu...
Hollywood, California - Apparently suffering from the postoperative side effects of yet another Botox injection that migrated to the brain, tummy tuck aneurysm or silicone breast augmentation seepage to the blood stream, aging diva, Sharon Stone, sho...
In the aftermath of the Chinese earthquake disaster, the Chinese authorities have announced that they are going to "Slot" the developers responsible for the buildings that collapsed.
(Neuters) In the last half an hour it has come to light that the Chinese government were field testing their military's latest weapon, this is where the whole Chinese population farts at the same time.
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