FOX News has negotiated a deal with Sputnik International to present reports catered to the president who relies solely on that cable entertainment station for his knowledge of the world outside the opulent Trump Towers. Estimated to be worth in t...
(Seattle) A former employee of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) announced today that the reason Seattle's weather is getting hotter and wetter is due to an increase in the tilt of the Earth's axis. "This is not just limit...
(Riyadh, Saudi Arabia) I was granted an exclusive interview with a retired Saudi oil baron who wishes to remain anonymous exposing secret underground factories converting rubbish into crude oil. According to the baron, these conversion factories w...
Teenagers around the world are demanding to change their names from those given them by their parents. "My parents gave me a girl's name," explained one boy. "I lost count of the number of times I've been beaten up for being named Francis," he ple...
(Seattle) Legislation proposed today by Pacific Northwest activist Ashley White seeks to restructure telecommunication pricing to conform to realistic usage standards. The bill would also provide customers a refund for overcharges accrued in the p...
Following the Federal Court's ruling to strike down the military's "don't ask, don't tell policy," soldiers have started coming out of the closet in record numbers. "Entire platoons are telling us they're gay!" lamented Marine Corp. Gen. James Con...
(North Korea) The Pyongyang Maternity Hospital's regeneration clinic promises to regrow human organs. "It began with culturing skin grafts for women who wanted to hide stretch marks from child birth," said the hospital's spokeswoman. "And today we...
Charter Industrial Applications issued a press release today apologizing for what it fears is a wave of internet hacking launched by what the U.S. Defense contractor is referring to as rogue autonomous software. "One of our bots stopped communicat...
(Seattle) Students at the University of Washington have discovered a novel approach to combating cockroaches that can be found in many kitchens. Members of the freshman AP class combined diet soda and corn chips to produce a substance lethal to th...
Seattle's prodigy inventor Bart S. Sampson announced today his process of etching microscopic robots that reassemble DNA in situ. "That book my mom made me read about some dog swallowing an invading space armada got me thinking about microscopic a...
Warm, moist environments have forever attracted fungal growth, and modern households often provide the perfect environments for a variety of unwanted flora. Many fungal infections that afflict humans are prevented by good bacteria that naturally l...
(Washington) President Obama announced yesterday massive road construction planned nationwide enlisting aid from thousands of unemployed people. The "Pot Hole Brigade" as they've been dubbed are excited to be back working again. Finding employm...
Public demand for guinea pigs after the recent release of the animated motion picture G-Force starring the animals hasn't approached the amount predicted by analysts. Parents may be thinking twice about purchasing the animals after media campaigns...
When Justin Gawronski of Michigan recently turned on his Kindle 2, he was shocked to see the digital copy of George Orwell's "1984" he purchased vanish before his eyes along with all of the notes he took regarding the dangers of totalitarianism. "...
Bare Paints has developed a digital ink designed from smart silicone and carbon compounds. Circuits are formed utilizing the available volume of the ink. Surface area is similarly programmable. Plans are in the works for a Neiman Marcus Christm...
(Seattle) Advanced placement University of Washington freshman Bart Sampson's first contribution to science was his easy-to-build generator that saps energy from radio and other airwaves now powering his neighborhood's block. After initial attempt...
The shower in my apartment has got me thinking about people; specifically what seems to be many women's all or nothing attitude towards the one's they love to hate, or is it hate to love? My shower works into this in a number of ways. To begin with, the hot water is not very convenient to my abode as it is piped in from a boiler located a full block away rather than a heater in the next room. L...
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