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Trump dismissals becoming chronic

Ever more staff are leaving the White House as Donald Trump's zealous bid to have the building to himself takes form. Head cook Chuck Tate was fired this week for cheating at Whist. "I swear I played the Queen", he mumbled as he piled his belongin...

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Red Indians to replace rednecks on Pennsylvania Avenue

'Alarmed and confused' about developments in their country, indigenous Americans have charged into the White House in Washington and occupied it, effectively putting an end to the Trump administration. Chief Wobbly Clod, a descendant of Crazy Hors...

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Boris the Brat swipes again!

Now the Conservative party is ripping itself apart over Brexit, criticism of Boris the Brat is reaching seismic proportions. And yet: criticising Johnson is like treading water in the Dead Sea. Whatever way you do it, you can't fail. But you don't ge...

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Trump's sanctions against Japan becoming rather silly...

Bent on ensuring fair trade - as he sees it - across the world, Donald Trump has now punished Japanese imports to the promised land by raising tax on their soy sauce. In a tit for tat reaction, Japanese Prime Minister, Shizo Abe, has slapped an extra...

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Trump's dentures modified to avoid misspeaks

As the perils of enunciation smacked in the face of President Trump at his press conference with President Putin in Russia, misspeak has now enhanced fake news as Donald's pet pieces of nomenclature for the imparting of data and official information.

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Leprechauns to control inner-Irish border

Brussels chief negotiator Michel Barnier and UK Prime Minister Theresa May have at last broken the deadlock in the Irish border issue. Brexit Minister, David Davis, has conjured up a new proposal which has been welcomed and approved by his counterpar...

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"Food habits must change. Fit people are a danger to society", says Health Minister

The NHS is to slash costs by targeting fit and healthy people. Following publication of its Advise Leaflet today, "Grease up your life! Eat more fatty food and avoid sport!", GPs are being encouraged to adopt a new approach when consulting patients.

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New British passport to be fifty shades of blue

Whitehall officials yesterday confirmed that all British passport holders currently in possession of the Burgundy European Union document will be issued with a new passport, in fifty shades of blue, once the UK has cast off the shackles of evil, sadi...

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Commons shock: Rees-Mogg and Diane Abbot elope

There was more room in the House of Commons today. Two of its best known actors, Jacob Rees-Mogg and Diane Abbot, announced they had eloped, and would return next week. Journalists tracked them down to Mudford Sock in Somerset, where the couple ar...

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Arsene Wenger signs new 25-year contract and plans 'Le Canard Mort' on retirement

The Arsenal manager, Arsene Wenger, yesterday renewed his contract with the club for a further 25 years, taking him through to 2043 when he will be 94. Sipping Beaujolais Nouveau through a straw, his red and white Zimmer frame tucked away in the corn...

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NHS to be outsourced

Sainsbury's and Tesco are the big winners of an invitation to tender organized by the NHS to cut costs and outsource specific services. Jeremy Hunt, Secretary of State for Health, welcomed the news, calling it a 'milestone' in the history of healt...

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Trump claims to be descendant of Zeus

"We are brothers", claimed Donald Trump, "and I plan to visit Greece this year to see where my family is buried. That's in Europe, right?" Zeus, the ancient god for sky and thunder in Greek religion was, by all accounts, pretty powerful. According...

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Yorkshire village declares independence

"What a terrific week", said Fred Clout, Mayor of the hamlet of Millington in the East Riding of Yorkshire, England. "We may be leaving the EU, but they're still a great source of inspiration over there." Following Catalonia's move to break awa...

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Clever Corbyn goes Smart

Labour leader, Jeremy Corbyn, has finally grasped the wants of today's generation and proposed a revamp of democracy as we know it. "Yes, all these elections and parties and stuff are anachronistic. I want to take this country into a new era. We w...

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May, Trump...and Paris...go Muslim

Paris Saint-Germain Football Club, which recently signed (or rather acquired) the services of a certain Neymar da Silva Santos Junior from Barcelona for a reported fee of 220 million Euro, are busy marketing their wears to regain all that money. True...

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Push, shove or spit...that is the question for Trump

Having revealed an impressively broad range of despicable manners and decorum in his initial months as President when mingling and meeting other heads of state, Donald Trump has now taken 3 llamas into his garden areas, the aim being how to learn to...

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May appoints Scaramucci

Anthony Scaramucci, Donald Trump's former communications chief, has been surpisingly appointed Head of Mediation Issues for the cabinet by British Prime Minister, Theresa May. "What a colourful fellow, he'll brighten things up around here. Just wh...

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Theresa takes her fidget spinner to G20

While a varied assortment of hard and harmful elements were pitched and hurled in the direction of Hamburg policemen, cars burned and windows shattered, sporadic shouts from local residents such as "Oy, mind where you're chucking that manhole cover!"...

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Breaking news…

Trump Thinks Deaths at End of Avengers Infinity Wars Were Real

He sends the Secret Service to the movie set of Avengers 4 to do some investigating.
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