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Spoof stories written by Philip J. Moss

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April Fool!

Associated Press, February 7, 2019. Following his success in getting $5billion for his border wall, President Trump once again is threatening to shut down the federal government, this time over his demand that the U.S. Mint issue quarters, half dollars and silver dollars stamped with his likeness. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer have labelled this demand a “ch...

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Trump Gives Commencement Address

To the graduating class of 2019, congratulations on having me as your commencement speaker. That fact alone makes you the greatest of all graduating classes in the history of the world. Now I want to tell you a few things that will ensure your success after you leave here. It’s okay to be ignorant and uninformed. I am the perfect example of that. I don’t bother to learn the facts about...

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Visit to Hell "just rescheduled", Sanders says

Washington, D.C. August 29, 2018. White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders played down reports that President Trump’s visit to Hell had been cancelled. “It’s just been rescheduled,” Sanders said, and played down reports that Satan was re...

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Trump and NRA solve problem of school shootings

President Trump and the National Rifle Association announced at a joint news conference that together they would urge Congress to appropriate $12,800,000,000 to provide every student in the country with a ballistic vest. "It's a win-win situation,...

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President Trump nominated for more prizes

Eighteen republican congressmen and seven republican governors have nominated President Trump to receive the Nobel peace prize. Seventeen republican governors and sixty-two republican congressmen have nominated President Trump for the personal fi...

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My Obit - if you want something done well...

I am really very uncomfortable with the idea that some hack at the Huffington Post or the local newspaper, or worse, some well-meaning friend, or an angry relative whom I left out of my will, will have the chore, or as the case may be, the joy of writing my obituary. As the saying goes, "if you want something done well, do it yourself." And after all, once your obit is done, it can't be undone...

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Donald Trump and Kim Jong-Un Trade Places

[Associated Press, October 17, 2017] In an event so secret that even the President's closest advisors were kept in the dark about it, Donald Trump swapped places with Kim Jong-un, the leader of North Korea. For seven days, the President basked in...

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From Kim Jong-Un's Recipe Book - Stuffed Dotard With Orange Sauce

Here is my recipe for Stuffed Dotard With Orange Sauce: 1 large dotard, about 250 pounds* 1 Twitter account 1-2 quarts orange hair dye Drench the top of the dotard with the orange hair dye. Wait 20 minutes for it to set. Dress the dotard in a conventional suit, or in traditional golf attire, with a cap that says "Make America Great Again." Heat the dotard up with a message on twitter, o...

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Professor Henry Higgins Takes Donald Trump In Hand

"Now, Donald, I have prepared a few simple exercises for you [handing him a printed card]. Start at the top, and read all the way through." "I condemn the racists and neo-nazis and white supremacists who . . . Listen, I know that the fake media want to distort everything I say . . ." "No, no, no! That is unacceptable. You absolutely must stay on message. Start over from the beginning."...

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NIH Identifies Source of Infection

Scientists at the National Institutes of Health announced today that they have identified the source of the mysterious infection that has brought down members of the administration. After analyzing blood and other bodily fluids taken from Sean Spi...

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Mueller issues indictments!

Associated Press, June 11, 2018. Special Counsel Robert Mueller announced that a federal grand jury has indicted Donald Trump, Jr., Paul Manafort, Jared Kushner and four others, for obstruction of justice and conspiring with a foreign power to inter...

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Trump's Advisory Panel On The Wall

White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer announced the creation of a panel of experts to advise the President on construction of his wall on the southern border of the U.S. "The President is very pleased to announce that the panel will include Publiu...

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Satan Issues Report Card of World Leaders

[Associated Press, Washington, D.C. The reclusive being popularly know as Satan, a/k/a Lucifer, Shaitan, etc., etc., gave a rare interview today in which he scored various of the world's leaders.] AP: Mr. Satan, thank . . . SAT: Just "Satan," will do. AP: Well, thank you, Satan, for making time to speak with us. Tell us about your recent report in which you scored some of the world's lead...

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Sloppy Sally responds to readers' questions

Q. Whatever happened to hatpins and pocket pistols? In days past,  pussy-pinchers could expect to be pinned to death or given a lethal dose of 'lead poisoning' for the act our President describes so cavalierly. How would we men feel about Nut Grabbing? - Den from Colorado  A. Dear Den: Personally, I am opposed to Nut-Grabbing (I believe that it is meant to be hyphenated).  Many st...

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Onward, ever onward!

This is A.P. reporter Aziz Hernandez, speaking to you from on board the carrier USS Potemkin Village, somewhere off the Korean Peninsula, or maybe Australia. I have been embedded with the crew here for two months, and nobody on board seems to know where we are, or where we are going. We get a regular satellite news feed and I saw on Fox News that we were headed towards the Korean Penninsula, but w...

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Дорогой Хиллари (Dear Hillary)

Please excuse my bad English. You most probably are wondering why I am writing to you, after what happened. What I did. Is very hard for man like me to admit, but I made mistake. How you say in American, "Vlad backed wrong horse." Or maybe even better, "Vlad have buyer's regret." Would much rather have you in White House than unpredictable red head. You at least are predictable. But I...

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President Trump is really President Baldwin

The actor Alec Baldwin held a news conference in the Oval Office yesterday, as he signed one executive order after another. Mr. Baldwin had no difficulty entering the White House yesterday morning, as the security officers all recognized him as...

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Ryan Urges Trump to Resign

Speaker of the House Paul Ryan has urged President Trump to resign, according to people close to him. "It is much easier for our members to be the party in opposition than it is to govern," the Speaker reportedly told the President. "As the part...

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