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The Prince and the Car Crash

The Crown Prosecution Service has decided not do the one thing that’s in their actual name: prosecute a member of the Crown. The CPS (Cowardly Ponce Service - see what we did there?) have admitted that the Duke of Edinburgh won’t be prosecuted over h...

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Lies. Damned Lies and Newspapers

Alcohol giants Heineken have announced record profits this year thanks to improved sales of non-alcoholic drinks. We at Back and to the Left news believed that the only non-alcoholic beverage available was water, and we get that from the sea. So how...

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The Deal of the Deal

Embattled PM, Theresa May, has spent the day meeting MPs in an attempt to achieve a “Brexit consensus” with the current one just being “plough on wildly until we hit a wall”. Mrs May has met with an army of suited wank stains and walking beacons...

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Fear Of Youth

A crisis of confidence has gripped youth players across the world’s top leagues. With the news that Manchester United have sacked manager, Jose Mourinho, there is now a real fear that he could rock up at any of the world’s top clubs and ruin their yo...

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Theresa May's Love Letter

Theresa May has released a letter to the British public detailing her Brexit plan. The letter has been released in two forms: one, a traditional letter, and the other (to appeal to hardcore “Brexiteers”), will be released in the form of a thirty seco...

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Newsnight Revelations

The champion of Austerity and the killer of many poor Brits, George Osborne (our eyes bleed every time that arsehole’s name is typed), has said: “I’m happy to look at some of the mistakes I made during the “remain” campaign." Which we at Back and to the Left news think is just fucking wonderful. Wonderful that George's wealth insulates him from any real repercussions of his actions, and he c...

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"999 What's Your Emer...Ah Fuck It"

A shocking new report has found that over one million crimes a year aren’t even investigated by the police. To people who enjoy stealing cheap bottles of cider, this is great news! But, for those of us who expect our law enforcement to do a semi comp...

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The Emergency Emergency Budget

*Warning May Contain Strong Language* Smug Tory fuck bag, Phillip Hammond, has admitted he’s preparing a “emergency budget” if Theresa May lives up to her early promise and sends Britain crashing out of the EU with “no deal”. Sources close to P...

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Manchesters Marketing Reach

As crisis club Manchester United lurch from one disaster to another on the pitch, their marketing team have been adding dozens of feathers to their already impressively-feathered cap. Moments after United’s impressively-tepid 0-0 draw with Valenci...

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Thoughts from The Right

Theresa May has frozen talks with the EU over Brexit as EU leaders have again put obstacles in the way of her finest hour. European fat cats have once again stopped Theresa from “cherry picking” which EU principles she wants the UK to be involved wit...

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TV Attack

According to new mindblowing (but not much else) research, “TV Sets kill your sex life”. Like any normal wide-eyed, shouty Brexiteer, we didn’t bother reading the story, we just asked random people for their reactions to the unfolding drama. Fred...

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Vagueness of Vegas

In yet another of our hard hitting yet softly satisfying interviews we asked international comedic superstar, Johnny Vegas, for the secrets behind his dramatic weight loss. Johnny, who has lost “loads of weight” in the last year, clearly wasn’t th...

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Operation YellowHammer waiting in the Brexit wings

Secret plans to cut public spending and increase the suffocating grip of austerity round the throat of the UK were leaked today. The plans codenamed “Operation Yellowhammer” will come into force if Britain leaves the EU with a “no deal” agreement. Th...

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The Pre-Season Games

Professional “bitcher” and part time Manchester United manager, Jose Mourinho, has claimed unless he’s allowed to sign all the players he wants, United could have a “very difficult season”. He is quoted as saying: "My CEO knows what I want. I k...

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Froomes Zoom Juice

Funny story: Froomes Zoom Juice

Chris Froome will be allowed to race in the Tour De France after all doping charges against him were dropped. Prosecutors said: "No one fucking watches cycling anyway so who cares?" The four time Tour winner has been under investigation for 7 m...

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Sold Out Gig

Religious fans all over the world will be disappointed to hear that tickets for the Popes visit to Knock Shrine in Country Mayo have sold out! The Pope, who is on a greatest hits tour, will play the Shrine for two dates from the 25th of August this y...

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England V Panama

A dominant display from England saw them trounce a hapless Panamanian side 6-1. Goals from Stones (2) Kane (3) and Lingard ensured England wrapped up their biggest win at a World Cup without breaking a sweat. Of course after this superb England...

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Detention Center Horror

Funny story: Detention Center Horror

Pictures have emerged from the USA of detention centers where people desperately seeking a better life have their children torn from them and thrown into cages. Land of the Free indeed. Obviously the US President, Mr Trump, couldn’t give a flying...

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