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Funny story: Royal Ascot to become new UK cage-fighting center!

Royal Ascot to become new UK cage-fighting center!

Royal Ascot, home of equestrian royalty, the final bastion of expensive designer female hats, Saville Row suits, royal processions, mega buckets of expensive champers, Rolls Royces, and High Society in general, has finally succumbed to the modern wa...

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Funny story: New Royal Race Meetings To Feature Only Smack-Head Horses

New Royal Race Meetings To Feature Only Smack-Head Horses

Rally style jockey protection cages are among the proposals for "Horse Smack-Head" meetings to be staged in Afhghanistan. The unfortunate horses which are prone to accidental banned substance ingestion will race while on morphine initially, before b...

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Funny story: One's Horses Achieve An All Time High

One's Horses Achieve An All Time High

Despite Estimate, one of HRH Queen Elizabeth's horses accidentally getting contaminated food in its nosh bag, this year has seen many high points for the Queen's horses, the Palace said this morning. "Some of the horses that her nags mix with though,...

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Funny story: Magician an absolute 9/4 steal for Royal Ascot's St James's Palace Stakes according to online bookies

Magician an absolute 9/4 steal for Royal Ascot's St James's Palace Stakes according to online bookies

Ascot, Berks - Bred by Ireland's Absolutelyfabulous Syndicate the three year-old bay colt ran 'an absolute bloody blinder' at the Curragh last month to storm to a 3½L victory over Gale Force Ten in the 2013 renewal of the Irish 2000 Guineas. On Tu...

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Funny story: Kate Middleton's druggy Uncle Gary 'lends the Queen ten grand' during bank glitch

Kate Middleton's druggy Uncle Gary 'lends the Queen ten grand' during bank glitch

Ascot - He's been compared to Sir Walter Raleigh - the country's earliest recorded and most successful tobacco dealer - laying his cloak on a damp patch to avert mucky embarrassment for Queen Elizabeth I. Yesterday at Royal Ascot a 21st century w...

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Funny story: Bookies slash odds for Queen no-show at Royal Ascot

Bookies slash odds for Queen no-show at Royal Ascot

Windsore, Berks - Reports that she clocked a shiner in a row with Prince Philip have been hastily put down to a playful pillow fight. But the discovery of a ten pound brick inside a monogrammed cushion cover has successfully rubbished the Palace's...

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Funny story: It's That Time of Year! Bad Taste and the Gruesome Twosome Set to Return to Royal Ascot!

It's That Time of Year! Bad Taste and the Gruesome Twosome Set to Return to Royal Ascot!

Odds makers are having a bit of fun again his year prior to the kickoff for the Royal Ascot setting the odds on what the Princess Uglies, Beatrice and Eugenie can do for a 'topper' after the Royal Wedding great hat fiasco! Millinery Mavens say the...

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Funny story: Cheryl Cole gets Prince Harry invite to royal box at Ascot

Cheryl Cole gets Prince Harry invite to royal box at Ascot

Ascot - "Not a cricketing 'box', you twerps," Ascot Clerk of the Course Sir Partridge Popple chortled at reporters at a news conference today. "As an ex-wife of a famous sportsman Ms Cole's bound to have come across a few groin guard cups in her t...

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Funny story: Lord Nonce in Royal Ascot punch up with Pikey

Lord Nonce in Royal Ascot punch up with Pikey

Lord Humphrey Nonce QC was left cursing his bad luck at Royal Ascot yesterday. The 'Sporting Judge', who part owns a leg of the game filly Kinky Afro, watched as the nag pulled up short in The Buckingham Palace Stakes over 7 Furlongs. With the...

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Funny story: Brit Hooligans at Royal Ascot threaten the Queen!

Brit Hooligans at Royal Ascot threaten the Queen!

Royal Ascot normally an event reserved for High-society, Arsitocrats, Royalty and stupid hats turned into a massive brawl yesterday as champagne bottles not only were drunk, they were also used as weapons at 200 quid a bottle. The event saw a new...

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Funny story: Top Judge gives Cockney 'life' for small willy joke.

Top Judge gives Cockney 'life' for small willy joke.

A petty crook has been sent to prison for life after belittling a Judge's manhood. Willy Scrote, of Hampton Wick, had originally received a "modest fine" for exposing himself in front of the Royal Box at Ascot on Ladies' Day. The jurors were to...

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Funny story: Queen's credit rating downgraded as Palace fails to clear Epsom Derby betting debts

Queen's credit rating downgraded as Palace fails to clear Epsom Derby betting debts

Ascot - Online bookmaker RoyalMugPunter.con is still awaiting settlement of Derby Day IOUs on disastrous royal no-hoper Carlton House. House of Windsor losses are said to account for much of the £50 million that bookies raked in when French-traine...

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Funny story: Clare Balding voted nation's most sycophantic presenter

Clare Balding voted nation's most sycophantic presenter

London - A poll of snooty TV battleaxes has seen the BBC's Clare Balding voted Top Female Crawler. The 40 year-old sports broadcaster narrowly pipped BBC Springbotch presenter Kate Humble into second place. Crinkly-haired blond Kate's entirely...

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Funny story: Mug punters warned as lunar eclipse threatens to overshadow Royal Ascot

Mug punters warned as lunar eclipse threatens to overshadow Royal Ascot

Berkshire - A new twist beckons on the June 1st solar eclipse that fooled Queen Elizabeth into backing her third-rate Derby no-hoper Carlton House. Wednesday's eclipsed full moon is likely to do just as much damage to royal mug punters determined...

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Funny story: Royal Ascot bookies' odds for Queen no-show

Royal Ascot bookies' odds for Queen no-show

Ascot - (Whorsewhisperers): Stuff the odds on what color hat HM might be wearing for the first day's racing at Royal Ascot tomorrow. Paddy Pow-Wow.con bookmakers are going one better and are reporting a 'Chinese wall of money' on the Queen faili...

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Funny story: Susan Boyle too gross for Royal Ascot turnstiles

Susan Boyle too gross for Royal Ascot turnstiles

Ascot - (Big Ass Mess): Racing authorities have refused to fork out for winches and hydraulic cherrypicker equipment at the start of tomorrow's five day meeting. But without these or emergency mass-liposuction on her derriere there seems little ho...

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Funny story: Giant sinkhole fears for Royal Ascot

Giant sinkhole fears for Royal Ascot

Ascot - (Leeches): A Guatamalan-sized giant sinkhole in Ascot's balance sheet is playing havoc with next week's five day royal meeting. Forensic accountants probing Ascot's finances said a Deepwater Horizon-style haemorrhage has bled dry the racec...

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