Taking a page out of The Big Book of British Imperialism and Financing the Empire with Drugs, the Afghani government, aka The Taliban, have decided to play to their strengths and legalize opium and all of its derivatives. Since they grow the best shi…
TIJUANA, Mexico - (Satire News) - Ted "Dracula" Cruz fled the US once again (with his two semi-cute daughters in tow) to avoid the fierce 158 MPH winds of Hurricane Cinderella. Cruz has a history for tucking his tail between his legs and going dow…
The Tory Leadership stakes have risen dramatically in the last 24 hours, with more and more candidates confessing to past illegal drug-use, writes Archery, Bridge, Hare-Jugging, Real Tennis, Topological Homeomorphism and Political Correspondent, Clai...
Washington: Senator Paddy O'Hare of Massachusetts was yesterday bundled out of a debate in the Senate on additional funding to be made to contain rogue states such as Syria from using chemical weapons. Uproar broke out when O'Hare was invited by the...
The Pope's plane is reported to have been shot down over Kabul as it prepared to land. There were no survivors of the missile attack. Ex-British Prime Minister Tony Blair was a guest on board after receiving his Papal Knighthood just the day befo...
Afghanistan - Remote controlled British drones armed with genetically modified aphids are being deployed for the first time over the Tora Bora in operations targeting Afghani opium production. Billions of GM bugs capable of munching their own body...
Last week, we asked for celebrity opiate users to drop us a line and tell us about the highs and the lows of their addiction. Unfortunately, all the famous opium users are now dead. Fortunately, Derek Acorah popped into the Spoof offices and was able to contact famous opium users from across the centuries. There was a downside to this, as Derek Acorah popped into the Spoof offices this we...
For centuries Britain has been the world's leading consumer of heroin. Our junkies are the happiest and most wasted on Earth. Indeed, Britain's steel industry was built on providing spoons and syringes for addicts. But now cheap opium from China i...
My friend Shylock Humes stood before the fireplace in his smoking jacket. I shook my head. "Come away from the fire, Humes", I adjured. "I told you you would catch fire if you stood so close." Before my friend could answer, the doorbell rang. To be more accurate, someone rang it. We did once try a self-ringing doorbell, which I had purchased from an ininerant self-ringing doorbell hawker, but w...
President Karzai has come to the rescue of the British economy after a personal appeal from David Cameron, made during his visit to Afghanistan. Arrangements are being made for a major aid package to be put together to help Britain. Immediate ste...
A deadly fungus has wiped out this years Afghani opium harvest and the Taliban have blamed the US and their allies for planting it. Poppy growing and opium are one of the major sources of Taliban financing, but there was a slight twist in the tale...
Two and a half tons of marijuana was discovered in an Afghani school, leading authorities to inspect other students' lockers only to discover twice that much in opium stashed away. "These enemy combatants think they can hide their drugs from us?"...
Top investments expert Miles Digweed today recommended buying into the blossoming opium production industry in Afghanistan. "Growth over the past 12 months has been extraordinary," he stated, "and prospects look good for a repeat in 20...
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington, D.C. - Today, President Bush declared a War on Flowers. President Bush made this announcement after learning that poppy fields are on the front line in Afghanistan.
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