Gary and Lorraine Johnson have spent the last hour arguing over the last Twiglet. ‘I love Twiglets’ said Gary ‘but I hate Marmite, so if I want the taste of Marmite without the texture, I go for a Twiglet, but there was only one left, so I asked L…
UKIP has taken to the streets of Britain, handing out free jars of marmite to passers-by as a goodwill gesture to potential voters. In the run-up to the election, the party is determined to ensure it remains in the political race. UKIP original...
In 2013, anyone that claimed they weren't fussed if you put Marmite on their toast were fast-tracked into British political parties, to ensure their incredible indecisiveness and bullshitting talents did not go to waste. Last year, countless membe...
Who put the "might" in Marmite? By Rob Barratt The sandwich beast A feast of yeast Historic remnant of the brewer A staple of the English po-or Extracted now from Danish shelves Spread the word, assert yourselves But don't break down as a knackered car might And don't let the Danes get rid of Marmite Some say that you must love or hate it It's not like cheese, you just can't grate i...
News that an MP has tabled an Early Day Motion condemning the closure of Leeds's Tetley brewery has fuelled the growing anti-Dane mood in the UK. As we reported yesterday, the Danish government's decision to ban the sale of Marmite in the country...
Denmark's banning of Marmite, the UK's favourite savoury spread, has provoked a massive response from British authorities. All books written by Hans Christian Anderson, including The Ugly Duckling, are to be thrown on bonfires built outside librar...
Amateur theatre groups throughout the UK are facing huge losses following Denmark's decision to ban Marmite. Community centres and civic theatres up and down the country are currently advertising performances of Shakespeare's Hamlet but authoritie...
Danish sales of Marmite have nosedived due to the Government forbidding the import of Marmite as a 'harmful food'. But a growing body of opinion is suggesting that the volcanic eruptions in Iceland and the resultant ash clouds are the result of the D...
Heurelho Gomes is to become the new face of UK leading brand Marmite. The Marmite famous catchphrase, 'you either love it or hate it', is said to sum up the Tottenham goalkeeper and will be the perfect new addition to the company. John Cartwrig...
The Yeast Based Product Smarmite, beloved or hated product that it is, has recently been using the General Election as part of its advertising. With the election finishing, Smarmite are looking for a new angle. "For years, we've used the Love it o...
After the number of times the Marmite advertisement has been shown a man has come forward saying he wants to vote Marmite. Victor Meldrew who is totally pissed of with the lot of them said "We have had Blairites, and Brownites, and other Shites, a...
BNP leader Nick Griffin was embroiled in a row with Marmite earlier today following his behaviour at a party meeting. Griffin attended the meeting at Stoke-on-Trent wearing only a thin layer of Marmite. He urged party members to "try a lick and see i...
Hard core Brits are waiting with baited breath (whew) for the long awaited extra strength cracker spread Marmite, which goes on sale early next month in time for St. Patrick's Day. The much maligned Spread for Bread, around since 1902 , has a str...
The Foreign Office has denied allegations that British Prisoners at Guantanamo Bay were subjected to Marmite. The use of Marmite is banned under the Geneva Convention as a cruel and unusual punishment, so any idea that the government has been awar...
Scientists in Britain have found a break-through for people who like Twiglets, but can't stand Marmite. Professor Dingle from the University of Emmerdale said: 'For years Marmite has been sold with the tag-line, you either love it, or you hate it?...
The Education Minister Ed Bollocks has announced that Marmite, the love it or hate it vegetable based spread will be made part of the National Curriculum from September 2008. 'It is important that the pros and cons of Marmite is made available to...
Beloved bear from Darkest Peru, Paddington Bear says that he was sold out by his creators to further the cause of Satan's recipe, Marmite.
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