Breaking: Hero Dog Conan, key assistant in tracking down and eliminating Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, reported in to a White House psychiatrist late this afternoon. Conan has been honored by the president for outstanding bravery in the field of running d...
Disoriented and confused, 33-year-old Ross Edgy was found off the coast of Scotland (or maybe it was Wales), having swum in circles for 12 days. I left Kent, or maybe it was Limerick, on—well, it was sometime this year, I think—bound for France—or...
New York woman Kim Perry successfully played it cool when, during a stop into a favorite neighborhood coffee shop, she ended up in line behind a famous and incredibly handsome actor whom she's greatly admired for years. Perry said that even though...
Around lunchtime yesterday, area man Francis Parker stunned his housemates when he made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. This wasn't a normal sandwich, however; instead of foregoing the bread heel and selecting two non-heel slices - as any san...
Chairman Carl Levin (D-MI) and ranking member Jim Inhofe (R-OK) of Senate Armed Forces Committee got into shouting match today over Army recruiting practices at today's committee hearing. The background is that 25% of soldiers currently serving in...
John Travolta says that calling Idina Menzel 'Adele Dazeem' at Oscars was a disaster. "I've been beating myself up ever since," he told me in an exclusive interview. But it turns out that the aging star, who has been the object of ridicule for his...
Transfused with the blood of a mongoose that killed the venomous snake that sought to bite him, Bob Frank, a skinny bedwetter, acquired the ability to store massive quantities of urine, which he used as a weapon to fight supervillains and defend truth, justice, and maidenly virtue. Donning a urine-colored costume, the chest of which was emblazoned with a huge blue "W," to warn evildoers of the con...
HOLLYWOOD - The Avengers opened at movie theaters and scored extremely big at the box office breaking the all-time weekend take at over $200 million. The Marvel superhero movie literally left every other movie at the starting gate. One of the f...
Andy Rooney was found dead in his office yesterday sitting in front of his keyboard. Rooney 92 was best known for his down home observations on the long running news magazine 60 Minutes. Rooney had retired about a month ago so it seems he saw the han...
Ever since Russia became concerned over Britain's ability to pay for its natural gas supplies, and installed a large coin operated gas meter at the main gas pipeline landfall at Great Yarmouth, there has been concern over whether the UK's utility com...
Scott Walker defines a hero as "someone who, against all odds, does what is necessary to fight evil in the world." And so it is that Walker believes that he is doing the right thing by making sure teachers don't bankrupt the state. "If we were to...
A have-a-go granny is today recovering after fending off a group of jewellery thieves, armed with only a handbag and weekly Netto shop. The silver sleuth, who does not want to be named, but known locally as GRANBO, after the 80's action hero Rambo...
A handbag heroine has apparently fought off robbers armed with sledgehammers as they attempted a smash-and-grab raid at a jewellery store in Northampton. An elderly passer by, Mikhail Hussain O'Reilley aged 77, immediately shit himself in excitem...
Gone are the days I'm afraid when - for want of a better word - the 'poor' could be described as Working Class Heroes. Thanks to the celebrity obsessed "me-generation" -gone too are traditional values and a sense of community. It's not just the little things like the classless slags who think it's okay to wear pyjamas to go to the shops or the scumbag hoodies who'd stab you for your loose chang...
Far too many news and magazine articles focus on the trivial or the trite when when stories that should matter, stories that shape the very fabric of our lives, go unnoticed, unappreciated, and where true heroes go unrewarded. So too goes the story of a native South Carolinian, former Navy man, cryptographer and all around decent guy, Morse Morseman. A name you might never have heard of, and a...
The Mayor of London, Boris Karloff-Johnson is to have a Marvell-ous Comic and Hollywood movie made about his cycling exploits on the murderous roads of London Town. The Mayor, who recently fought off muggers with an iron bar and helped an 90 yr...
Bradford, West Yorkshire, Teatime - 'Have a go' hero pensioner, Harold Callaghan 79, of Ilkley came out on top yet again today when confronted by a gang of crackheads with pit-bull terriers demanding money with menaces. Callaghan, shot seven youth...
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