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Funny story: Dominic Cummings Has Disappeared

Dominic Cummings Has Disappeared

There was mild concern in Whitehall last night, when it was realised that Dominic Cummings, Prime Minister Boris Johnson's chief advisor and political strategist, hadn't been seen for a while, and may have actually disappeared. Cummings, whose ho...

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Funny story: Dominic Cummings Fan Club On Brink Of Closure

Dominic Cummings Fan Club On Brink Of Closure

There was bad news for Prime Minister Boris Johnson's chief advisor and political strategist, Dominic Cummings, last night, when figures released by the evil hatchet man's official fan club showed that its membership was at an all-time low. Cummin...

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Funny story: Dominic Cummings Plays Down His Resemblance To Coronation Street's Pat Phelan

Dominic Cummings Plays Down His Resemblance To Coronation Street's Pat Phelan

Dominc Cummings, the hatchet man of Prime Minister Boris Johnson, has tried to play down suggestions that he is actually former Coronation Street character, hatchet man, Pat Phelan. Cummings was in the news recently for breaking his own lockdown r...

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Funny story: Dominic Cummings' Elton John Tribute Band

Dominic Cummings' Elton John Tribute Band

Prime Minister-in-chief, Dominic Cummings, has spent so long on his political career, that his place in an Elton John Tribute band is now under threat. The band's Manager, Moneybags McGee, said: 'Everyone else in the group knows the songs inside a…

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Funny story: Boris Johnson yet to say he has complete faith in Dominic Cummings

Boris Johnson yet to say he has complete faith in Dominic Cummings

Boris Johnson, a puppet of Dominic Cummings, still hasn't said the dread phrase that means Cummings will soon be on the lookout for a new position. As much as the drums at the end of Eastenders mean, it is time for another continuity announcement.

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Funny story: A nice day out at the castle

A nice day out at the castle

After the Prime Minister's guru had declared driving to be the way of testing eyesight, thousands have set out on trips up and down the motorways and country lanes of Britain, to ascertain their quality of vision. "Best if you test it from all sid...

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Funny story: Senior Tory adviser was a lying hypocrite

Senior Tory adviser was a lying hypocrite

In news that surprised nobody at all, leading adviser to the PM, Dominic Cummings, has been unmasked as a liar, a hypocrite and an arrogant self-serving twat who refuses to acknowledge any errors he has made. "When I drove 260 miles during the loc...

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Funny story: British government to introduce forced sterilization

British government to introduce forced sterilization

Yes, he's at it again. That fiendish cloak-and-dagger Downing Street elf, Dominic Cummings, almost landed a coup this week in appointing Andrew Sabisky to his team, but the latter's outspoken belief in eugenics, and his bizarre idea of thus improving...

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Funny story: Dominic Cummings announces eugenics programme

Dominic Cummings announces eugenics programme

In perhaps the most controversial announcement yet of Boris Johnson's brief premiership, his chief adviser, Dominic Cummings, has revealed that he is planning a eugenics programme for the people of the UK. Births are to be strictly regulated, with...

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Funny story: Stranger who mistakes Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s advisor Dominic Cummings for homeless man and gives him money to buy coffee is escorted off the premises

Stranger who mistakes Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s advisor Dominic Cummings for homeless man and gives him money to buy coffee is escorted off the premises

Prime Minister Johnson’s advisor Dominic Cummings doesn’t dress like other advisors. He long ago swapped a tie and suit for an anorak and beanie hat. He may be the man that all Tory MPs are afraid of, but few members of the public recognise him among...

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Funny story: Cthulhu wins prominent government role after Boris Johnson's cabinet reshuffle

Cthulhu wins prominent government role after Boris Johnson's cabinet reshuffle

The Dark Lord Cthulhu, devourer of souls and destroyer of worlds, has been given a seat in Boris Johnson's cabinet, as Minister without Portfolio, replacing Michael Gove. The Great Old One has no previous experience of government, but has a cult f...

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Funny story: UK signs TRILLION POUND trade deal with Iran to sell Union Jack flags and wax figures of the Prime Minister

UK signs TRILLION POUND trade deal with Iran to sell Union Jack flags and wax figures of the Prime Minister

The Prime Minister is celebrating after closing one of the biggest trading deals in history with, of all countries, Iran! Under the terms of the 10-year deal, British manufacturers will sell British souvenirs, namely Union Jack flags and Madame Tu...

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Funny story: Cummings welcomes Prince Andrew on board

Cummings welcomes Prince Andrew on board

'Weirdos and misfits were requested by Dominic Cummings to join the dream team in Downing Street and now, following newbee Jeremy Corbyn, the PM's personal scriptwriter has found yet another willing adjutant. Yes, the Randy Old Duke of York, Princ...

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Funny story: Corbyn and Cummings form Downing Street Dream Team

Corbyn and Cummings form Downing Street Dream Team

So, he's made it after all. Good ol' Jeremy! The PM's senior typist and telephonist, Dominic Cummings, landed a genuine coup when requesting applications to 'help out' with his chores at No. 10. Applicants were to be well-proven 'weirdos and misfi...

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Funny story: The Plots of Dominic Cummings

The Plots of Dominic Cummings

In a basement in Downing Street, Dominic Cummings sits at a desk swigging from a bottle of wine and smoking a cigarette. He is on the phone. "What's that? Shagger lost another vote? Fahkin' hell! "Sack the lot o' them! Shit, we need to get into...

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