Well hello there, lovers, this is Sally the Match Maker reminding you that Valentine’s Day is coming and I hope you have a sweetie pie to enjoy the day with. If not, you still have a hand, don’t you? A banana? A corner of a piece of furniture you can…
NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – Judge Jeanine Pirro has just joined Fox Network’s “The Five” and within 7 minutes she made 3 outlandishly fucked up statements. First the Trump ass-kisser said that if one looks at Mitch McConnell up close, he is ac…
Senate and House Republicans are outraged, totally outraged because General Milley prevented World War III with China. One would think that Republicans would be grateful. But no. Instead, Republicans claim that General Milley had no right to beco…
A non-local man is reported to be "highly disturbed" by a chance encounter with a local old coot. According to local authorities, a man new to the area made the bad decision to engage an old coot known to locals as "That Crazy Old Coot" in casual con…
“It’ll turn up somewhere, I’m sure,” said Troy Biggs of Nashville, Tennessee, of his mind, which he temporarily misplaced somewhere between home and work. “No big deal. It is a little inconvenient, though." For the time being, said Biggs, he’s doi...
By Dr. Ronald Thompson Are you psychotic? Sure, we all wonder that. In my practice, patients have asked me that question numerous times, and I always give them the same answer: Probably. But I needed more than that to actually prove that someon...
10 miles west of the Florida Keys- A cliché- and movie-quoting dumbass, who thought he was being really original by re-enacting a famous scene from the movie Titanic, ceased to be king of the world on Friday, when he slipped from the railing of the C...
A new report published this year by urdata4us has revealed that 50% of people “just don’t get it”. It has been found that most people believe that at least one person in their lives “doesn’t get it”. A similar study counter-acted these claims by sugg...
Geneva, Switzerland - Professor Grostrou DuCul of Le Pied Malodorant University held a small press conference this afternoon to clarify how global warming is producing earth quakes. According to the Professor both animals and humans turn their ba...
The football world is rocking at the shocking events pertaining to a Brazilian footy superstar being transferred from one club to another for the horrendous sum of over 200 million Euros. However, this is just the beginning of the end for all comm...
It seems the Republican experiment with putting a crazy person in to the White House is not working out quite as planned. John McCain, barely stirring from a deep narcoleptic sleep, admonished the president when he talked to CNN's Jake Tapper.
Shadow Lanes Senior Center - George Bush Senior announced today that in the Presidential election he would be voting for tapioca pudding. "I believe tapioca pudding can protect us from dust-bunny attacks." Stated Bush. "According to my magic belly...
Diners at a Bangkok food centre were left agape on Sunday, when a woman carrying a doll started acting as if the toy was a real baby. The woman, aged around 75 years old, was accompanied by several other younger women - possibly her middle-aged da...
1) "Mr. President, the only thing that stops a bad guy with a nuke is a good guy with a nuke." 2) "Nuclear weapons are fun. I think every good upstanding American without a criminal history should have one or two of them." 3) "I'm a strong supporter of the NRA and I honestly believe, down in the bottom of my heart, that we should all start trying to put "FUN" back in funerals." 4) "'Ref...
Burlington, VT - Today, Sen. Bernie Sanders unveiled his plan to allow the United States of America to be annexed by Russia should he become President. "It would not cost us one penny" said Sanders, "and what would we gain? Free healthcare, fre...
Doctor Paul Adams is a discount psychiatrist who claims he can save people money by proving that they are nuts in half the time it takes most psychiatrists. I sat down with him to talk about it. "Doctor Adams," I asked, "do you always try and prove that your patients are nuts?" "Always. Every time." "So you must think that everybody's nuts." "Absolutely, and here's...
San Francisco, CA - House Minority leader Nancy Pelosi has finally been committed to an unnamed mental health facility for her own good, as well as the benefit of the rest of society. All that is really known about the facility is that it is located...
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