A sudden onslaught of Phoneutria fera, also known as the Wandering Banana Spider, has swept over the banking industry. This species is particularly virulent with males, by causing painful priapic seizure, or the onset of a monstrous ongoing erecti...
London, England - The two JP Morgan financial analysts, known collaboratively as the London Whale, have seemingly overnight, helped boost the profit margins of one of the very journalistic institutions which has been taking the piss out of them for n...
Resigning Attorney General Eric Holder has come forward to clarify what happened with a banking executive who recently spent a night in jail anyway, despite being "too big to jail." This executive (who must remain anonymous, according to Mr. Hold...
Customers of UK High Street Banks are increasingly reporting their unease about the recent trend for banks to demonstrate excessive goodwill and courtesy towards customers. 'I only dropped into Nat West to use the cashpoint,' said one customer. 'O...
Nicosia, Cyprus - The shiny toasters that bank customers received for opening new accounts are being confiscated by the financial institutions that gifted them. Objective: to help ease this country's multibillion euro debt crisis. "No, this is not...
The World Cup winners and defending European Champions Spain were today accused of 'not trying' to beat Italy in their opening game of Euro 2012 because players were told their was no win bonus money available from the Spanish Football Association.
Madrid - The Starbucks Corporation has injected a shot of caffeine into the world's financial system, taking over Spain's devastated banking system so it can replace bank branches with Starbucks outlets. "Banks are not cool," said Dylan Prather, E...
NEW YORK - A computer glitch has been fixed in a JP Morgan computer that clears up the supposed 2 billion Dollar loss. According to computer repair man, Jedeth Shuckerson, the issue was just a few bits wrong. "Actually, there were just a few bits...
Following the announcement that France's triple A rating has been downgraded to Double A plus status by rating agency Standard & Poors, which has had the effect of increasing French government borrowing costs by 0.25%, there has been much discuss...
Moammar Gadhafi, former ruler of Libya, has emerged from hiding after his overthrow and has been appointed President of International Banking for Citibank's Middle Eastern Division. Chuck Ferkemall, Senior Senior President EMEA for Citibank explai...
As the world's financial markets and banking system continue on a wild roller coaster ride, a major crisis is spreading to a banking sector few people ever think of. Sehman Brothers, who hold the UK's largest and most diverse sperm deposits, have...
A banker whose manner was blunt Squandered investor's funds on a punt. The whole lot was lost At incredible cost To the nations that all bore the brunt. Just one man, whose shoulders were broad, Was sacked, for reporting the fraud. The judge in his case Said "I don't like your face" So he lost 'cause the system is flawed. That outcome ignited his zeal; Off he went to the Court of A...
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