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Funny story: Remains of 74 Year Old Nun Found In Woods

Remains of 74 Year Old Nun Found In Woods

The mysterious disappearance of Mother Helen Graham four years ago have been solved. She was last seen alive on a nature trail in the Angeles National Forest when she strolled away to look at a cactus flower. Her friend Sister Ellen Turner said, "she...

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Funny story: Rick Warren, Cardinal Baloney Give Advice To Obama

Rick Warren, Cardinal Baloney Give Advice To Obama

In the U.S., critics say, the terms "faith based," "religion," and "family values" cut off thinking in the American brain, generating endorphins and sometimes evoking nods and smiles. Now, after the Hobby Lobby decision allowing "faith based" tigh...

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Funny story: Bobby Lobby CEO Opposes Vibrators For Employees

Bobby Lobby CEO Opposes Vibrators For Employees

President and CEO of Bobby Lobby, Cotton Mather, gave an exclusive interview to this magazine today. It is part of our series on the role of the corporation in U.S.society. The background for this particular interview is that the Supreme Court has ruled that the access to contraceptive coverage granted by the Affordable Care Act creates a significant burden on a corporation's free exercise of...

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Funny story: Huckabee Wants Chastity Belts For Virginity

Huckabee Wants Chastity Belts For Virginity

Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee and Fox News talk show host has made controversial remarks about female sexuality in the past. Yesterday, Huckabee said on his TV show, "Democrats tell women they are helpless without Uncle Sugar coming in and p...

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Funny story: Virgin Births: If At First You Don't Succeed, Keep On Well, You Know, Until Someone Of A Rumored To Be Higher-Based Nature Can Step In Long Enough To Recklessly Drive You The Rest Of The Way Home From There

Virgin Births: If At First You Don't Succeed, Keep On Well, You Know, Until Someone Of A Rumored To Be Higher-Based Nature Can Step In Long Enough To Recklessly Drive You The Rest Of The Way Home From There

WOONSOCKET, RHODE ISLAND - A totally head scratching - hey, you gotta start somewhere - completely idiotic-sounding new and just slightly improved study commissioned by the usual assortment of well-dressed, overly schooled village idiots - otherwise responsible for the perpetual infliction of even more unsubstantiated inconsequential myths than you can shake a stick (among other things) at in the...

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Funny story: Gay Couple To Wed, Both Say They Are Virgins

Gay Couple To Wed, Both Say They Are Virgins

Both Billy Ray Smith and Roger Wentworth say they are virgins who want to get married. "I know such a thing is uncommon these days", stated Roger. "But we both have high moral standards." "That's so sweet, Roger." "Right back at you, Billy R...

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Funny story: The Epic of Gilgamesh

The Epic of Gilgamesh

The Epic of Gilgamesh is a long, boring, heroic poem by Gil Gamesh, a Babylonian who plagiarized the story from ancient Sumerian sources and claimed that the events of the poem, outlandish though they are, actually happened to him. One of the poem's key episodes in the flood, which, when it is written about in the Bible, is known as the Biblical flood, but, in Gilgamesh, is referred to as The Delu...

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Funny story: Virginity For Sale In Online Auction

Virginity For Sale In Online Auction

Following the successful sale of a young woman's virginity in an online auction, budding entrepreneurs appear set to alter Britain's retail landscape for good. Reports of Brazilian student Catarina Migliorini selling her virginity in an online auc...

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Funny story: U.S. Olympian Lolo Jones Sacrifices Virginity for Olympic Dream

U.S. Olympian Lolo Jones Sacrifices Virginity for Olympic Dream

Eugene, OR - Self-declared "virgin" and Olympic hurdler Lolo Jones was having a rough season. Four years after a stumble on the ninth hurdle cost her a gold medal at the Beijing games, Jones didn't seem to have even a remote shot at redemption. Enter...

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Funny story: The Captured Virgins

The Captured Virgins

Does it matter whether the biblical story of 'Cain and Abel' is true or not? Besides, aren't we of the same species and, therefore, brothers? Brothers have fought off their rival brothers. Jealousy and arrogance in man has led both sexes to all sorts of violence. This ancient grudge existed between two Arabs, Hashim, great grandfather of prophet of Islam and his nephew, Umayyah, dating back...

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Funny story: Madonna Swears Off Future Stage Use of Stiletto Heels

Madonna Swears Off Future Stage Use of Stiletto Heels

Following a near catastrophe on set of stairs during the half time show at Superbowl XLVI, Madonna has sworn to never wear 5 inch stiletto heels in any future performance. The 53 year old mother of three is no stranger to flamboyant stage costumes...

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Funny story: Frodo Baggins Finally Loses His Virginity

Frodo Baggins Finally Loses His Virginity

The afterparty was great. After the afterparty was even better. Well, at least for 50-year old former virgin, Frodo Baggins. In a pretty dramatic finish to a celebration of S-Day, or victory over Sauron Day, Frodo Baggins was caught in the act of...

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Funny story: The promise of 72 virgins less of an incentive for would-be suicide bombers than it was 10 years ago

The promise of 72 virgins less of an incentive for would-be suicide bombers than it was 10 years ago

KRWENY, Iraq--Islamic terror organizations report that the promise of 72 virgins in heaven to every suicide bomber isn't the dangling carrot it was back on September 11, 2001. Due to the wide availability of the Internet in the past decade, would-...

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Funny story: Bin Laden Unhappy With Virgins, Seeks Groupie Trade with Elvis

Bin Laden Unhappy With Virgins, Seeks Groupie Trade with Elvis

As reported earlier today in Afterlife Magazine, a staff medium successfully channeled the posthumous thoughts of Osama Bin Laden in a recent conversation with Elvis, where Bin Laden appears to be disappointed with his newly acquired bevy of virgins.

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Funny story: Osama Bin Laden Returns As Virgin Shortage Deepens!

Osama Bin Laden Returns As Virgin Shortage Deepens!

In a strange turn of events, Osama Bin Laden, his son, and Saif al-Arab Gaddafi, son of Col Gaddafi were all apparently killed on or around May 1st. It has always been a promise of Allah to allow martyrs 72 virgins as a reward for sacrificing their l...

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Funny story: Islamabad Craig's List Shows Immediate Openings For 72 Virgins

Islamabad Craig's List Shows Immediate Openings For 72 Virgins

Immediately after the announcement by President Obama that veteran terrorist and provocateur, Osama bin Laden, had been taken down by a surprise attack at his secret compound in Pakistan, Islamabad Craig's List was inundated with ads soliciting for t...

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Funny story: Osama Bin Laden Won't Get His 72 Virgins

Osama Bin Laden Won't Get His 72 Virgins

Extremist clerics have revealed that terrorist and Al-Queda leader Osama Bin Laden will not receive his expected 72 virgins in the afterlife. The mass murderer and director of the 9/11 attacks was killed in Pakistan, but will not be going to any for...

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