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President Trump To Join Greg Gianforte's Gym

Funny story: President Trump To Join Greg Gianforte's Gym

MISSOULA, MON. Out on the campaign trail once more, US President, Donald Trump, said he had "nothing but praise" for Republican candidate, Greg Gianforte, who, last year, assaulted a journalist. Gianforte was bothered enough by the Guardian report...

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Sheogorath, Daedric Prince of Madness: “Those Pro-Lifers Are Out of Their Damned Minds”

NEW SHEOTH, THE SHIVERING ISLES – Sheogorath, the Daedric Prince of Madness, invited news reporters from MSNBC, CNN, CBS, ABC, Comedy Central, TBS, HBO, The Onion, and The Spoof to attend a press conference in New Sheoth, Sheogorath's home in the Shivering Isles. According to Tamriel lore, Sheogorath has spent countless millennia interfering with the lives of mortals, with acts ranging from mak...

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9-Year-Old Boy Plays One Game of “Pac-Man,” Then Eats Every Period on The Internet

AUSTIN, TX – After playing one game of “Pac-Man,” 9-year-old boy Malcolm Rurn flew into an uncontrollable frenzy, eating every period on the internet “I have Pac-Man fever!” Rurn shouted “I need to eat those dots before those ghost bastards get he...

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Parents In Call For Naughtiness To Be Criminalized

Funny story: Parents In Call For Naughtiness To Be Criminalized

Parents have reacted angrily to calls for a ban on smacking children in the home, by demanding that children be banned from acting naughtily, it has been reported. The Association of Educational Psychologists (AEP) has called for physical punishme...

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Ben Stoker Cricket Attack In Detail

Funny story: Ben Stoker Cricket Attack In Detail

In a case that has proved both 'horrifying' and 'hilarious', fictional England cricketer Ben Stoker has appeared in court charged with 'a fray' after he was involved in an altercation outside a gay club in Bristol. Mr Stoker is alleged to have 'l...

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Football's Forgotten Terrace Chant To Make Comeback

Funny story: Football's Forgotten Terrace Chant To Make Comeback

A chant that emerged at football grounds in the 1970s, and became popular all over England, Scotland and Wales, mutated and morphed into differently-worded chants, but then went out of fashion, is making a comeback, it has been reported. The chant...

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Man Beaten Senseless For Not Having Any Social Or Political Values

When asked about his political and social views, Roger Stanley, 40, responded by saying, "For the past 20 years, I've never really paid much attention to politics or even major social issues such as gun control, abortion, gay rights, immigration, dru...

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Carnivor Cruise Line to feature cannibalism on the high seas

Funny story: Carnivor Cruise Line to feature cannibalism on the high seas

Miami, FL - A new reality TV series will launch this fall documenting the adventures of vacationers braving voyages on the new Carnivor Cruise Line, producer Annibalcay Rossgay told us when we asked him what’s new. Vacationers sign a waiver that t...

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ANTIFA burn down Mississippi McDonald's

Funny story: ANTIFA burn down Mississippi McDonald's

Biloxi, MS- After a local McDonald's refused to take down a statue featuring Ronald McDonald, Grimace, and the Hamburglar, a large group of ANTIFA burned the establishment to the ground. ANTIFA spokesperson Tiffany Jackson said, "What we did was...

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Republicans hire private militia to kidnap Trumps NotSoSmartPhone™

Funny story: Republicans hire private militia to kidnap Trumps NotSoSmartPhone™

Republicans scared of being shot at have engaged white supremacists paramilitary groups to protect them and launch a black ops to kidnap Trumps NotSoSmartPhone™. After recent baseball shenanigans Republicans have reviewed their security ar...

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Antisocial behavior vaccine developed

Funny story: Antisocial behavior vaccine developed

Some call the new vaccine racist, but scientists are starting human trials of a vaccine designed to stop antisocial behaviors. "The police asked us to come up with something to stop the rampant increase in crime. They asked if it were possible to cre...

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Child raised on sexually explicit movies grows up to be sex god

Funny story: Child raised on sexually explicit movies grows up to be sex god

Local teenager Jake Smith is heralded to be outstanding at sex after spending the last ten years of his childhood watching films with strong sexual content. After years of subverting parental controls and sneaking into R-rated films to watch two...

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Fool-Aid on Sixty Seventh Street

Funny story: Fool-Aid on Sixty Seventh Street

Residents of South Palm Beach Florida were awoken by sounds they described as, "disturbing", early Monday around 2:00am. The incident took place in what, according to neighbors is generally a quiet residential area. Police say a large gent...

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Congress to ban curb-stomping black men while yelling "white power"

Following a tireless debate last night, congress has begun work drafting a new bill that seeks to stop white men from kicking the back of a goddamn coon's head and shattering his teeth whilst proclaiming the sanctity of the white bloodline. The bi...

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Isla Vista shooter accumulates points toward l'enfant horrible trophy

Funny story: Isla Vista shooter accumulates points toward l'enfant horrible trophy

This weekend's attack in Isla Vista is now being seen as akin to the Adam Lanza massacre in Newtown, Connecticut, which cost the lives of twenty children and six of their adult protectors. The Isla Vista murderer, Elliott Rodger, has a count of si...

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Steubenville Prepares To Purge; Pull Up Drawbridges, Set Force Fields

SORRY 911 IS OUT OF SERVICE AGAIN, STEUBENVILLE, OHIO -- City council is discussing plans to initiate a monthly purge in which citywide crime of all sorts would be legal from 11 p.m. to 7 a.m. the last day of each month. "Probably wouldn't notice...

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800 Convicted Babies and Toddlers Released from Prisons After D.N.A. Tests

Funny story: 800 Convicted Babies and Toddlers Released from Prisons After D.N.A. Tests

An estimated 800 convicted babies, some of them up to 19 months old have been granted pardons after DNA tests proved some of them were not even born at the time the alleged crimes were comitted. Investigations by the Internal Affairs Department i...

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Pornography Or Violence: Which Is Bigger In U.S.?

Funny story: Pornography Or Violence: Which Is Bigger In U.S.?

PBS NEWS KCET, LOS ANGELES Transcript of "Ray Asks" Moderator Ray Suarez: Today we begin a three-part series on pornography and violence in America. We are also interested in the question of which of them is most important to American life and also to the extent which they overlap. The connection between actual violence against anyone, rape, and watching violent videos and po...

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Breaking news…

Sales blames ring for illness

Boston Red Sox baseball player "Lefty" Sales said his cock ring made him sick. "It turned my penis green," he said. "My girlfriend paid for gold, but obviously, the jeweler sold her brass."
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