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Funny satire stories about Vegan

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Funny story: Nashville Man Looks Coronavirus in the Eye and Admittedly Flinches

Nashville Man Looks Coronavirus in the Eye and Admittedly Flinches

After weeks of nonchalantly boasting that, on a scale of one to ten, his concern about COVID-19 was zero, 33-year-old Logan Ward of Nashville, Tennessee, had a nightmare wherein he stared directly into the coronavirus’s 19 bulging science-fiction eye...

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Funny story: Vegans Ecstatic as COVID-19 Does What Decades of Protesting Could Not Accomplish

Vegans Ecstatic as COVID-19 Does What Decades of Protesting Could Not Accomplish

(Worthington, Minnesota) Vegans around the country joyously celebrated today as JBS, the world’s largest producer of certified dolphin-free beef and heart-healthy pork and pork by-products, shuttered its largest production facility in the U.S. this w...

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Funny story: Nashville Roofer Dies after Falling from 12-Story Building and Testing Positive for COVID-19

Nashville Roofer Dies after Falling from 12-Story Building and Testing Positive for COVID-19

Part of the construction team hired to rebuild East Nashville after two devastating tornadoes ravaged much of the area in March 2020, 28-year-old Chip Goodman, a roofer with Raise the Roof, Inc., tumbled from a 12-story building when a tarp torn loos...

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Funny story: Study Shows Most Americans Prefer Indefinite Isolation to Giving Up Bacon

Study Shows Most Americans Prefer Indefinite Isolation to Giving Up Bacon

Amidst the panic of coronavirus, the origins of which can be traced to a species of bat commonly eaten in China, a new study from the Make America Meat Again think tank in Raleigh, North Carolina, shows that most Americans prefer the prospect of inde...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Protests Faux Pas

Nashville Man Protests Faux Pas

In his zeal to help male ducks and geese force-fed pounds of grain and fat to cause their livers to swell to up to ten times their normal size, Lawson Watts of Nashville, Tennessee, began a militant online and grassroots campaign to protest the so-ca...

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Funny story: Veterinarian Becomes First to Offer Plastic Surgery for Cows, a.k.a. Moo Jobs

Veterinarian Becomes First to Offer Plastic Surgery for Cows, a.k.a. Moo Jobs

Tapping into what she predicts will be a growing market for animal plastic surgery, veterinarian Dr. Myra Goodrich is now offering cosmetic surgery on cows' udders, a.k.a "moo jobs". "Just like women who aren't pleased with the appearance of their...

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Funny story: "Heart-Healthy" Company Breakfast Spotlights Lowfat Yogurt

"Heart-Healthy" Company Breakfast Spotlights Lowfat Yogurt

In addition to offering turkey bacon and bran muffins with margarine, the "heart-healthy" breakfast offered by Nashville law firm, Miles Best LLP, spotlighted lowfat yogurt. "Nonfat can make people feel deprived, which is not sustainable," said Hu...

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Funny story: Gestation Crates Approved for Human Use

Gestation Crates Approved for Human Use

For new mothers seeking to give their offspring the health benefits of breast milk without having to get too close, gestation crates, commonly used in pork production, have now been approved for human use. "It's perfect," said new mom Kim Lowell,...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Rallies After Disappointing Trip to Grocery Store

Nashville Man Rallies After Disappointing Trip to Grocery Store

Geared up to stock up on wholesome foods and fulfill his New Year’s intention of caring for his body in the way that it deserves, Nate Rudowski of Nashville, Tennessee, popped into his local Kroger grocery store, only to have a disappointing food-sho...

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Funny story: Golden Globe Goers Complain Vegan Opera Cake a Little Dry

Golden Globe Goers Complain Vegan Opera Cake a Little Dry

At the 77th Golden Globes awards dinner, guests enjoyed an entirely plant-based feast which included chilled golden beet soup, wild mushroom risotto, and roasted Brussels sprouts, but some attendees reportedly found the dessert, a vegan "opera cake,"...

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Funny story: Desperate FDA Encourages Americans to Get Comfortable in Their Bodies Just as They Are

Desperate FDA Encourages Americans to Get Comfortable in Their Bodies Just as They Are

"Times have changed, and we need to change with them," was the New Year's message offered by Food and Drug Administration Commissioner Dr. Stephen Hahn, who urged Americans to abandon unrealistic expectations about living in a trim, fit body. "We nee...

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Funny story: Chick-fil-A Admits "Eat Mor Chikin" Ad Written by Semi-Literate Employee, Not Cow

Chick-fil-A Admits "Eat Mor Chikin" Ad Written by Semi-Literate Employee, Not Cow

Restaurant chain Chick-fil-A recently admitted that its popular misspelled advertisement playing off the idea that cows want people to eat more chicken so that they, in turn, will not be eaten, was written not by a cow, as the ad implies, but by a se...

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Funny story: Farmer Finds Pasture-Raised Pork Chops Do Not Do Well in Direct Sunlight

Farmer Finds Pasture-Raised Pork Chops Do Not Do Well in Direct Sunlight

Montana farmer Kevin Johannesen, who prides himself on his ethically-sourced meat, has found that his free-range, pasture-raised pork chops do not do well in direct sunlight. "We thought that the direct light would  be good for boosting vitamin D...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Decides to Cut Himself Some Slack

Nashville Man Decides to Cut Himself Some Slack

"I don't tend to try very hard at things, so I never thought I could be a perfectionist," said Dave Bagwell of Nashville, Tennessee. "But I realized I had it backwards - my standards were so ridiculously high that I didn't think there was even any po...

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Funny story: Joe Rogan Secretly Yearns to Go Vegan but Fears Alienating Fans

Joe Rogan Secretly Yearns to Go Vegan but Fears Alienating Fans

Sources report that comic and podcast show host Joe Ragan, known for his protein-pounding, bow-hunting ways, secretly yearns to go vegan, but fears alienating his meathead fans. "It's not just a marketing thing," said one inside source. "He's gen...

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Funny story: Charleston Man Urges Reinstatement of Slavery for Canines

Charleston Man Urges Reinstatement of Slavery for Canines

Speaking out against the - in his view - overly sentimental pet-parent culture that's pervaded much of the United States, Brett Gallatin of Charleston, South Carolina, is advocating for the reinstatement of slavery for domestic canines. "I'm not a...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Looks Himself in Mirror and Loses Face

Nashville Man Looks Himself in Mirror and Loses Face

After ingesting a plate of overcooked veal parmesan at a corporate dinner event in a dimlit downtown steakhouse, Joshua Hicks of Nashville, Tennessee, glanced up at the mirrored wall to make sure he didn't have any tomato sauce on his white shirt, on...

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