GLASGOW, Scotland - (World Satire) - The United Kingdom's Ta Ta For Now News reports that a chambermaid from Old Kilt, Scotland, says that for the past 17 years she had been 93 pounds overweight. Maddie McTissyfinch, 38, said that her great grandm…
KEY WEST, Florida – (Satire News) – In a move that has drawn criticism and ire from millions of overweight people throughout America, the Sleek & Slender Gym located in Key West, has just implemented a new policy. A spokesperson for the S&…
Increasingly edging out workout clothes and sweatpants, the shapeless house dress has become the fashion garment of choice for American women who have had enough of fitted attire. "They're so easy," said Anna Partridge of Nashville, Tennessee, who...
Jaywalking is not recommended for anyone, but it can be particularly hazardous for individuals above a body mass index of 25, was the warning recently issued by the City of Nashville. Said Mayor David Briley, "it's not so much the speed that's th...
As the number of overweight women in the United States skyrockets, an increasing number of those women are making short shorts their garment of choice. "I really like the look," said Mandy Barnes of Nashville, Tennessee. "They're very unconfining,...
Concerned friends of Nanette Harper of Nashville, Tennessee, started to worry that Nanette had exceeded the extra 30 to 40 pounds that they all comfortably carry, and might be getting a little too fat. "It's a delicate subject, and you don't want...
Broke, not a big shopper, and having recently gained some weight following a difficult divorce, technical support specialist Jim Belmont of New York City has been wearing the same long-sleeved, pastel-colored button-down shirt and nondescript gray tr...
With over 70 percent of Americans exceeding their ideal weight and 33 percent obese, the Food and Drug Administration has, for logistical purposes, officially abandoned its use of the term "overweight" in favor of the term "natural weight." "We wa...
Shrugging off warnings about heat exhaustion, dehydration, and running being hard on the joints, a small but committed sector of the American population continue to cling to their obsession with extreme sports, like jogging and power-walking. “It'...
Washington, D.C. - Excess calorie intake is the primary contributor to the obesity epidemic plaguing most developed nations, but eating a minimum level of calories is key to life and longevity. We all know that we should eat about 2,000 calories per…
At the start of 2016, long-time cohorts Cold and Fever exchanged solemn New Year's resolutions to lose weight and gain weight, respectively. Cold admitted to having really packed on the pounds in recent decades. He pointed to the oft-touted home r...
A doctor in Carlisle is being taken to court by one of his patients. During a meeting with a Dr Yimenez about his upcoming stomach-stapling surgery, the patient observed that the doctor had made one or two inappropriate comments about his weight.
SOCHI, RUSSIA - A group of "hefty" Russian people were arrested today at the Olympics for protesting the lack of equality for heavier athletes at the winter games. A spokesman for the protestors pointed out that while the summer Olympics has event...
HACIENDA HEIGHTS, California - Amanda Bynes was asked by Ling Chow Rangoon with iRumors about the recent incident in Marina Del Rey where she was throw out of The Vicious Guppy Seafood Diner. The troubled Nickelodeon actress replied that apparentl...
LITTLE ROCK - Several Arkansas citizens action groups have threatened to protest in the nude in order to bring attention to the out-of-control publication and distribution of X-rated men's magazines showing full frontal female nudity. Mavis Lorett...
New York's diminutive mayor has launched a campaign to shrink the city's citizenry down to size - one resident at a time. The effort began today with a ban on super-sized sugared drinks and will progress with the construction of "fat farms" in ea...
Ingrid Newkirk, President of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), and Kevin Lawson, President of the National Vegetarian Society, knew they needed a new approach to recruiting new vegetarians and vegans. "Americans weren't relating...
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