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Funny satire stories about New Year Resolutions

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Funny story: Jaggedone's New Year Resolutions in a Nutty Nutshell!

Jaggedone's New Year Resolutions in a Nutty Nutshell!

2020 was for many people SHIT! So Jaggedone has decided to turn over a new leaf and offer his 2021 resolutions to the world! They are very promising, and, of course, provocative! 1) Boris Johnson and his Brexiteers: FUCK OFF; Jaggedone promises t…

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Funny story: Local Resident Admits: 2020's New Year's Resolution To Start Saving Leftover Ketchup Packets From Burger Shack Seems A Little Stupid Now

Local Resident Admits: 2020's New Year's Resolution To Start Saving Leftover Ketchup Packets From Burger Shack Seems A Little Stupid Now

Seattle, WA - A local factory worker here admitted to fellow employees that his New Year's resolution to save all the extra ketchup packets left over from his multiple daily trips to Burger Shack seemed "okay, a little stupid, I guess" in light of th...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Vows to Come Up with Really Good New Year's Resolution(s) for Next Year

Nashville Man Vows to Come Up with Really Good New Year's Resolution(s) for Next Year

Frustrated at finding himself yet again scrambling at the end of the year to come up with a New Year's resolution worthy of his sincere intention, Edwin Wallace of Nashville, Tennessee, abandoned the quest for this year, but vowed to come up with a t...

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Funny story: Nashville Man's New Year Off to Mixed Start

Nashville Man's New Year Off to Mixed Start

After making a number of regrettable decisions and unfortunate choices in 2018, Bart Biggs of Nashville, Tennessee, resolved to do better in 2019 – specifically, he vowed to quit partying like a sociopathic rockstar, make the most of his professional...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Resolves to Find True Resolve in 2019

Nashville Man Resolves to Find True Resolve in 2019

After a lifetime of hemming, hawing, and beating around all kinds of bushes, Christian Caldwell of Nashville, Tennessee, has resolved to find true resolve by - or at least during - the New Year. “No two ways about it," said Christian, his resolve...

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Funny story: Did you make a New Year's Resolution? Yeah, it's miserable, I know. So break it, shake it, and never look back!

Did you make a New Year's Resolution? Yeah, it's miserable, I know. So break it, shake it, and never look back!

So you've made your New Year's Resolution and you're already as miserable as all hell. The point is, all your New Year's Resolutions were made to rid you of things that are deeply rooted in what The Bible calls "The Seven Deadly Sins". These are the mortal sins that the Judeo-Christian God (sometimes "Judeo" here is spelled "Judo") will send you straight to hell for, if you don't get them under co...

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Funny story: New Year's Resolution Suggestions For Some Famous and Infamous Celebrities

New Year's Resolution Suggestions For Some Famous and Infamous Celebrities

Every new year, millions of people make New Year's resolutions which they fully intend to keep. Some people resolve not to drink as much, or smoke as much, or make fun of the faults of their spouses, significant others, or love interests. Many of these New Year's promises have actually lasted as long as four or five weeks, most however do have a tendency of falling by the wayside within 48...

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Funny story: New Year Resolutions - that are easy for a Nottingham resident to keep!

New Year Resolutions - that are easy for a Nottingham resident to keep!

1) Get mugged. 2) Have your home burgled. 3) Get made redundant, and sign on at the jobcentre. 4) Shop next year at the multitude of closing down stores to save cash and get a bargain. 5) Have pedestrian training on how to avoid the Big Issue sellers. 6) Visit the closed down medical wards, arrange nostalgia tours through your local Health Care Managers. (They will require 30% of in...

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