SHROPSHIRE, England – (Satire News) – Pleasant speech increases milk production, a semi-scientific field research proves. In Shropshire, which is the real milk tank of England, a group of ranchers decided to raise their production to a new level.
Donald Trump is absolutely positive that he will be the American president again. Merrick the G-Man has done little, as far as we know, to bring the Real Trump to justice. There are more memes of him in prison jumpsuits than there are people trying t…
Scientists in Biogeotechnology expect that in the next ten years. Biotech companies will be selling women's breast milk as a new, very lucrative product. It will be an anonymous genetic blend - the milk of several unidentified women-and produced…
SAUSALITO, California – (Satire News) – The National Milk Providers Federation, has just made it known that the nation runs the risk of totally running out of milk by the Christmas holidays. Marcia DeLeche, executive director for NMPF, told the Am…
A liter of milk that was purchased for half its normal retail price at a local supermarket was 'off', and not fit for human consumption, claims a human who tried to consume it. The milk, which was 'Full Cream', had been selling for its regular pri…
A new Gallup Poll shows that 43% of employees working from home for the Covid-19 lockdown left a gallon of milk sitting out on their desk back in the office. The milk, with an average expiration date of March 28, is just starting to go bad. In ad…
Since a brief spell in the Premier League in 2017, Huddersfield Town have performed atrociously. They are at risk of slipping into the third tier of English football, the optimistically named Division One. Fans largely agree about why the club has…
SHEBOYGAN, Wisconsin – The local authorities are reporting that a local farmer sustained an injury while he was drinking milk. Sheboygan police officer, Wendell Braggberry, (Badge #3017) said that he took a statement from Silas P. Coogins, who own...
Tapping into what she predicts will be a growing market for animal plastic surgery, veterinarian Dr. Myra Goodrich is now offering cosmetic surgery on cows' udders, a.k.a "moo jobs". "Just like women who aren't pleased with the appearance of their...
A Hull man living in the Thai capital of Bangkok was said by friends to be "extremely upset with himself" this morning, after they found him at his apartment crying over some spilt milk. The 'spilt mlk' the man was crying over, was from a 1-litre...
"It's not even in the same realm as bestiality," said Larry Wells, CEO of Vermont-based organic dairy company Wholesome Secretions, Inc., regarding the dairy industry practice of stimulating bulls' penises to collect the semen used to artificially in...
Hoodies, hooligans, and other juvenile reprobates are being deprived of their favorite "adrenaline kick-starter" (in the goolies mostly) because some supermarkets in the UK believe they have too much wasteful energy! So, instead of selling under...
A consortium of car makers, including Soduko, Chingchong and Chuffwrench have released a statement saying that all their cars should be milked three times a week as a minimum, or else they may leak or even explode. It follows a ten-car drowning on...
A trial run of milk delivery robots in Dorking has run into difficulty after a number of housewives complained that they were not fulfilling all of their duties. "Ooh," said Elsa Hornie of Privet Drive. "I couldn't wait for some of that milkman-ro...
Atlantic City, New Jersey - An overzealous housewife, shopping at the local grocery store, lost her mind upon discovering that there were no small containers of powdered milk available and that she would be forced to purchase the family-sized box. "I...
Herds of well trained cows have stormed supermarkets and local government buildings in a bid to support the farmers' strike. A calculated and precise act of terrorism has prevented customers from purchasing milk. It has been alleged farmers have...
NEW YORK CITY - Rush Limbaugh stated that just when you think you have seen it all here comes Time Magazine with a cover showing a 26-year-old woman openly breastfeeding her little 3-year-old boy who looks like he could be closer to 7. Limbaugh no...
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