Mel Stacksmiller, VP of New Business for the Darkstar Casino Group today announced a list of new “Elite Membership” packages to be made available in September at all their casinos. One of the most unique offerings is the top-of-the-line Platinum…
It's surely a sign of the times since it would make no sense in any other point in human history. COVID v. Cancel i.e. No Life is a new board game modeled after Extreme LIFE. In the game, players move across the board encountering various recreati…
QUAKER OATS, Pennsylvania – (Satire News) – The President held another of his post-election campaign rallies. This one was in the Keystone state town of Quaker Oats. The town, founded in 1616, is noted for growing the tastiest oats in the world. I…
Loser, a play about Donald Trump, is coming soon to Broadway. Writers are working day and night, hoping to have it ready for its Broadway opening on inauguration day, January 20. As a homage to the highly successful play Hamilton, all dialogue i…
(UNEDITED) The world looked on as a Brazilian mega-superstar cried his eyes out after losing to a team of barbarian Bavarian's. A spectacle it was not, but the real spectacle unfolded when dethroned footy King, Neymar, surrendered to his superior opp…
Long identified as a loser by both his friends and himself, Harry Reston of Nashville, Tennessee, serendipitously and nearly simultaneously procured a new house, a wonderful mate, and a much-improved work situation - but in the process lost his lose...
While his intermittent employment, lackluster love life, and standard, sardonic "liivin' the dream" response to any inquiry as to how he's doing have prompted some of his less understanding friends to call him the dreaded "L" word, Max Childers of Na...
WARNING: This article was written by a rage-filled and heavily intoxicated author who feels a constant need to express disgusting and needless humor for the sole purpose of fulfilling his own vile ego. It lacks any sort of idealistic cause, and it basically says nothing that should be thought about deeply or even remembered. Thematic patterns do not exist within the structure of its content, gr...
38-year-old Wisconsin man, Louis Shortpecker, recently told news reporters that he feels like a complete loser. "I'm not really sure why, but sometimes I get the subtle feeling that I'm a complete loser. Maybe I feel this way because I haven...
Phil Collins is a 67 year old bald man best known for playing drums and sometimes yelping along. He is also an "Incel" or involuntarily celibate person, and he has a message for other Incels like him. "I never lost me virginity nor nuffing until I...
In an effort to boost flagging sales, the notorious loser, Hillary, has renamed her losing 'book', from the insipid "What Happened?", to "I Fart". The new publisher selected for this new edition is a little known vanity publisher the name of which w...
Donald Trump said to himself today, "You're Fired," as he exited his campaign for the Presidency. He held a press conference today at the Trump Tower. "Believe me, you can count on the fact that I'm out of the campaign you low-energy press losers...
A study recently released by the Self-Center for American Psychology noted a sharp divide among losers regarding the effectiveness of the positive self-statements known as "affirmations"; winners, however, had little to say on the subject. Accordi...
George Zimmerman, the unemployed Sanford FL hot head who shot and killed an unarmed teenager, is trying to make a buck anyway he can on his 15 minutes of vomit inducing fame. Zimmerman's agent Sal Douchbaggie announced today that Georgie will be f...
The media portrays millennials as lazy little losers who won't get off the couch long enough to apply for a job. But not all millennials are disaffected, undisciplined people. Take my little Janie, for example. Janie wants a job - she just hasn't found one yet. But we think she is going to start looking one of these days. According to the media, millennials use drugs and alcohol to forget thei...
After the opening match of the season, Made-up United's magnificent two goal win over Imaginary Town has Made-up's fans looking froward to a promotion party at the end of the season. "We were magnificent," said Dominic Fridge, a life-long Made-up...
ATLANTA - Wanna win a national championship? Get UPS to air a TV ad featuring your team getting crushed as an example of excellent logistics. Just ask the University of Kentucky. For the 2012 UK Wildcats men's basketball team, UPS did just tha...
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