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Funny story: Smug man still smug

Smug man still smug

Smug bloke about town Simon Bartholomew was smug when he told everyone on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter that his life was so full, he didn't even notice that Facebook and Instagram were down for six hours last week. Across the three platforms, S…

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Funny story: Man who solved the Times crossword in 10 minutes is still banging on about it

Man who solved the Times crossword in 10 minutes is still banging on about it

Michael Havers, from Chutney on the Fritz has told seven people this morning that he solved the Times crossword in ten minutes. 'Yes I surprised myself' said Mr Havers 'So I told my wife, three people in the park, Lynn who works at the Post Office…

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Funny story: Folk band Tedious Annoyance

Folk band Tedious Annoyance

In a feat of brave re-branding, popular folk duo Ted and Ann Smith have called themselves Tedious Annoyance. 'It seemed fitting' explained Ted, who was squeezing the air out of his accordion*. 'Other folk acts are just things like John and Joan, o…

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Funny story: Man talking about the weather, again

Man talking about the weather, again

Now it is Autumn, Gary Johnson has started to talk to complete strangers about the weather, again. As he does every year, Johnson starts cheery conversations with complete strangers whenever he can. 'I missed it during lockdown' he told us 'whe…

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Funny story: Man's Autumn peaking with new series of Midsummer Murders

Man's Autumn peaking with new series of Midsummer Murders

Gary Johnson and his wife Lorraine have decided that their Autumn nights will peak with watching the new series of Midsummer Murders. 'Yes' said Gary 'Lorraine and I love to watch Midsummer Murders, with all of the death, the pathos, the forensic…

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Funny story: Rick Astley and The Blossoms will perform the songs of Kajagoogoo

Rick Astley and The Blossoms will perform the songs of Kajagoogoo

Following on from teaming up to sing the songs of the Smiths, and selling out all of the gigs in 8 minutes, Rick Astley and Stockport band The Blossoms have announced that their next record will be the complete works of Kajagoogoo. Starting with t…

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Funny story: Barry Blobfish still not trending on twitter

Barry Blobfish still not trending on twitter

Despite many attempts, #BarryBlobfish still hasn't trended on Twitter. Blobfish, known for their comedic miserable expressions and pinkness are not the most attractive of creatures, as Barry a Blobfish of quite an upbeat and even temperament point…

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Funny story: That pub band who play classic rock are still going

That pub band who play classic rock are still going

Although they have a collected age of 273 pub band Lemon Twist are still playing the music that they loved in the 1970s. The band's youngest member, singer Cassidy Wainwright 63, can still hit the notes for The Boys Are Back in Town, Alright Now,…

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Funny story: Millenial shocked to realise old people know a lot about the world as well

Millenial shocked to realise old people know a lot about the world as well

Millenial Luke Cosgrove is shocked to learn that old people know a lot about the world as well. 'Like I was talking to my Dad the other day, and he was telling me all about Pink Floyd and the Beatles, and I was shocked to learn that he knew about…

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Funny story: Toddler realising world doesn't revolve around him

Toddler realising world doesn't revolve around him

Toddler Brian Worthington has the sinking feeling that the world doesn't revolve around him, as he always thought it did. 'It was shocking' said Brian 'I was having a tantrum in the shop, and Mum and Dad just ignored me. The lady at the check-out…

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Funny story: Man living his life like it is a choose your own adventure book, again

Man living his life like it is a choose your own adventure book, again

Derek Smallwood is living his life as if it is a choose your own adventure book, even though the last time he tried it it was a disaster. Derek revealed the story in his recently Amazon Kindle Published best-seller, CYOA - Just Do it, wherewith e…

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Funny story: Woman has the birdie song as an ear-worm

Woman has the birdie song as an ear-worm

Penny Farthing, a 39-year-old woman about town has told people that she currently has The Birdie Song as an earworm. 'I had a really bad fever dream last night, remembering a family wedding, and seeing Uncle Derek dancing to the Birdie Song, and n…

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Funny story: Man regrets buying a set of dumbells, again

Man regrets buying a set of dumbells, again

After buying a set of dumbells in the first lockdown, Gary Johnson regrets buying a second set, as he lost the first set. 'Now I have two sets of dumbells, and I regret buying the first one' said the easily confused chap. 'I couldn't believe it…

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Funny story: That book could have been a bit shorter, say book group

That book could have been a bit shorter, say book group

Members of Chutney on the Fritz's book club, which meets at the Hipster and Farrow pub in Grange Lane, have all said that their latest choice 'How to do something to some people and get away with it' could have been a bit shorter. Former teacher,…

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Funny story: Man curating his pencil shavings collection

Man curating his pencil shavings collection

Brian Asshat, Chutney on the Fritz's most colourful character will spend today curating his pencil shavings, after sneezing on them last night. 'Yes, it is a complete nightmare' wrote Brian on his blog 'I sneezed, and my carefully curated collecti…

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Funny story: That actress you liked in that thing is in a thing you won't like her in

That actress you liked in that thing is in a thing you won't like her in

An actress that you liked in something because she played a nice character, is going to upset you with her turn as someone a lot more unpleasant. In the shocking turn of events, the actress who you like, but whose name you have forgotten will play…

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Funny story: Incompetent man wishes to be doing his job for another ten years

Incompetent man wishes to be doing his job for another ten years

Incompetent buffoon Geoffrey Rivers has said that he wants to be doing his job for the next ten years. Mr Rivers, who works for the local sewage treatment firm, has said that although his work involves things people don't want to think about, he s…

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