Jedward are set to star in pantomime this year. Oh no, they're not. Yes, that is how things are in the offices of Jedward's managers around late October, early November, Brick Roofing, the duo's long-suffering manager, said 'We know that they are...
Gary Johnson, 48, has revealed that for his 30th Wedding anniversary, he has bought his long-suffering wife, Lorraine, tickets for the never-popular Jedward. 'When I saw that they were touring, I just thought that Lorraine would love to see them.
Protesters disrupted the preparations for the Eurovision Song Contest earlier today when large groups of human rights campaigners demanded that Jedward be removed from the competition. Brothers John and Edward Grimes, known for their blonde quiffs...
One day, Jedward were strolling through their local city centre, heading off to KFC to suck on some citrus handwipes. They had spent the day in the local toilets and their mouths felt as crusty and salty as Dawn French's gusset after a long hot car journey. Coming in the opposite direction was none other than Cliff Richard, brother of Keith, resplendent on his roller blades, in a "GOD'S MY BE...
Irish novelty act Jedward, or 'those tedious twats' as they are better known in the music industry, are said to be delighted to have been given their first big break in film, playing the notorious East London gangsters the Krays for a movie to be sho...
Irish traveller Paddy Doherty will soon to be told he has "30 minutes to pack his bags and leave the Celebrity Big Brother house." But the star of My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding claims he has nowhere to go and has erected chicken wire around the program...
In a conversation inside the Big Brother house on Channel 5, Edward, from Jedward, has candidly admitted to the other house-mates that he wants to have a sex change. This was news to his brother. "Jedward are going to Thailand," said Edward, after...
Friends of Simon Cowell have tonight revealed that he has issued two newspapers with a super-injunction. The purpose of this super-injunction is very simple. Its to try to stop Edward from Jedward's secret girlfriend revealing all about their secre...
Eastbourne's University at the Municipal Swimming Pool has awarded dancing and singing whatevers (they do neither well) and walking toilet brushes Jedward with honorary degrees in music. 'This is just like, so awesome' said one of the Brothers. 'I...
Friends of Jedward have tonight revealed that the fantastic duo's fabulous Eurovision song contest success has been overshadowed by a secret family sadness that not even their publicity machine will talk about. This secret tragedy happened almo...
It has been revealed today that Jedward's lawyers took out a superinjunction again Simon Cowell in the run up to their fantastic Eurovision Performances. The Super injunction was necessary because Simon Cowell doesn't have a nice word to say abo...
Pertly perfect Pippa Middleton, who has turned a nostalgic nation's heads after her dashingly demure derriere was the star of the show at the recent Royal Wedding, is a real Eurovision fan, according to Lydia Fawne-Groveller, Editor of Society Journals Inbred and Chinless and Posh Totty For Lantern-Jawed Bankers To Breed More Posh Totty For Lantern-Jawed Bankers To Breed More Posh Totty For Lanter...
A leading betting shop has announced that Jedward are now the favourites to win the Eurovision Song contest. The shock announcement comes just one day after their fantastic appearance in the Euro Semi Finals. That appearance proved to the world...
Most people already know, apart from a 150 million brain-damaged European viewers, that the Eurovision song contest is utter crap, but now, once and for all, it has been proven, Jedward have qualified! The twins with more hair than talent decided...
Their singing abilities aside, Irish pop duo Jedward are fuming about how the entire lead-up to their Eurovision Song Contest entry has turned into a complete farce for them. Returning from a specialist clinic in Glasgow where they were having the...
Super Businessman and inventor of TV's 'The Apprentice' Sir Alan has teamed up with those loveable rascals Jedward to launch a new cereal to get Britain's kids eating healthily. Twins Noel and Keith Jedward were only too keen to make even more mon...
Concerns are escalating today as police step-up their nationwide search for Jedward's hair. The X-Factor losers were made famous for their out of tune singing and twee Irish accents back in 2009. The duo gained notoriety when conspiracy theorists...
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