HOUSTON – (Sports Satire) – In a move that's shocked baseball fans throughout the nation, Houston Astros fan-favorite George Springer will be leaving Texas and moving up to Toronto. The All-star, free-agent, outfielder and spokesman for Lone Star…
BILLINGSGATE POST: As if struck by a lightning bolt while on his porcelain throne, in a spirit of unbounded equanimity, unmatched since he pardoned Roger Stone, today President Trump announced his latest pardon list. Limiting it to those accused o…
HOUSTON – (Sports Satire) – It’s no secret that the honeymoon between the Houston Astros and George Springer is over. In fact, the Astros are asking for some of the wedding gifts to be returned. The Astros priority is to get something or someone f…
HOUSTON – (Sports Satire) – According to Sports Balls Illustrated Magazine, Astros outfielder George Springer no longer wants to play for the Astros. Springer, who is now a free agent, spoke with SBIM’s Dottie Bazooka, and told her that there are…
HOUSTON – (Sports Satire) – Houston Astros fans are ready to tar and feather one Senator Benjamin “The Ass” Sasse. The senator from Nebraska, during the Judge Amy Barrett senate hearing, out of the blue, mentioned that the Houston Astros are cheat…
AUSTIN – (Satire News) – iRumors is reporting that Texas Governor Greg Abbott has issued a proclamation prohibiting Nebraska Senator Bennie Sasse from ever setting foot in Texas. The senator from the “Crème-Style Corn State” has angered every man,…
SAN DIEGO – (Sports Satire) – Houston Astros second baseman Jose Altuve is denying reports that appeared on Fox Sports, saying that the Astros owner hired a Louisiana voodoo woman to put a hex on the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Altuve, the feisty all-st…
HOUSTON – (Sports Satire) - Houston Astros super star Jose Altuve spoke with a reporter for CBS Sports, and told him that the Astros have learned their lesson, and they will never, ever again cheat during a baseball game. He noted that it has been…
HOUSTON – (Sports Satire) - Reps for both the Seattle Mariners and the Houston Astros have promised MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred that they will no longer participate in bench-clearing brawls. According to Dottie Bazooka, with Sports Balls Illustra…
OAKLAND – (Sports Satire) - It appears that, lately, anytime that there is a bench-clearing incident, chances are the Astros are one of the two participating teams. One sports writer from Tijuana, Mexico, wrote that the Astros seem to draw controv…
HOUSTON – (Sports Satire) - The Electoral College Astros, as many L.A. Dodger fans call them, lost to the other L.A. team, the Los Angeles Angels, 5-4. A groundskeeper reported that, during the game, he counted at least 43 hot dogs that were throw…
HOUSTON – (Sports Satire) - As anyone who knows anything about baseball knows, the rivalry between the Los Angeles Dodgers and the Houston Astros has recently escalated to stratospheric heights. It began years ago with the Wife-Stealing Scandal, b…
HOUSTON –(Sports Comedy) A lawyer for the Houston Astros has filed a legal complaint against the Kansas City Royals organization. Attorney, Rolando F. Applecross, representing the 2017 World Series champions, states that, during the game between…
HOUSTON – The Astros organization recently told The Sports Mirror, they feel they've finally fallen back into the good graces with their fans, their non-fans, and the umpires union. An Astros spokesperson stated that the owner, John “Whooping” Cra…
NEW YORK CITY – A spokesman for the New York Yankees has stated that they have listened to the complaints of their southern fans, but the name will remain as it has been for 107 years, since 1913. A group of southern Yankees fans submitted a petit…
In revelations which take some believing, it's been rumored that President Donald Trump has said that he likes the Houston Astros baseball team so much, that he wouldn't mind being buggered by half of them. The news, first reported in 'The Texan S…
The Houston Astros are coming under increasing pressure to alter their team name tonight, after Black Lives Matter (BLM) representatives claimed the word 'Astros' was disrespectful to people of African origin, sounding, as it does, a bit like 'Afros'...
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