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Funny satire stories about Heaven

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Heaven to have a privatised service

Funny story: Heaven to have a privatised service

Plans are afoot for the establishment of a privatised heaven. Rupert Rees-Hogg commented: 'There are far too many ex-Etonians and Establishment figures who have been refused access to heaven on their death. This must stop! At the moment any old anyon...

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Vice President Pence Announces NASA Mission to Find Heaven

Funny story: Vice President Pence Announces NASA Mission to Find Heaven

Vice President Mike Pence recently announced the next life-changing NASA mission: determining the precise whereabouts of heaven. Pence, a convert to evangelical Christianity from Roman Catholicism, told faith-based supporters, “To me, the final f...

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Post-Mortem Skype Reveals Hellish Secret

Funny story: Post-Mortem Skype Reveals Hellish Secret

In a new program launched by the Theo-Science Department of Adam Everson University (Normal, IL), researchers were able to create a method of very tangibly speaking to those who have passed away. Done through a method derived of advanced electronic...

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God Has a Cosmic Sense of Humor, Christopher Hitchins Reports - 'Paradise is not what you expect, mate!'

Heavensgate - Every morning just after sunrise, says Christopher Hitchins, he and the entire heavenly host gather with their harps and neatly folded wings at the edge of a convenient cloud. Then as they drink their coffee and enjoy the air, they laug...

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Jesus - I Don't Want Any More Sunbeams

Funny story: Jesus - I Don't Want Any More Sunbeams

Jesus has appealed to people not to try to be sunbeams, as he is snowed under with them. "He told our religious affairs journalist, "I don't know who wrote that fucking 'Jesus wants me for a sunbeam' song but since the financial crashes I've a millio...

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Pope Blessing of Eternal Life for Soccer Players

Funny story: Pope Blessing of Eternal Life for Soccer Players

Pope Francis has announced that the Vatican will become a major sponsor of sporting events such as the FIFA World Cup and the Olympics, and called on churches around the world to get more involved in sporting events in their communities. In conti...

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Pope Francis not Frightened of Mafia "Cissy Boys"

Funny story: Pope Francis not Frightened of Mafia "Cissy Boys"

Pope Francis told shocked Mafia delegates at a meeting of Godfathers yesterday that their blood-stained money, blood-stained power and bllod stained handkerchiefs, can't now be taken with them into the next life when the new blood stain laundering me...

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Duck Dynasty Robertson: No Women In Heaven!

Funny story: Duck Dynasty Robertson: No Women In Heaven!

Pastor Robertson told us that he knew that it ain't going to make him any popular but that the Good Book says what it means. After that encounter with the Gay people, he hated to start 'another boondoggle' but that's just how it is and he believe...

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Duck Dynasty Robertson: No Women In Heaven!

Funny story: Duck Dynasty Robertson: No Women In Heaven!

Pastor Robertson told us that he knew that it ain't going to make him any popular but that the Good Book says what it means. After that encounter with the Gay people, he hated to start 'another boondoggle' but that's just how it is and he believe...

Read full story View 'Duck Dynasty Robertson: No Women In Heaven!'

Top Atheist Leader Issues Apology, Resigns Amid Controversy

Funny story: Top Atheist Leader Issues Apology, Resigns Amid Controversy

NEW YORK - Following a series of verbal blunders, Terry Snogawd has resigned his post as chancellor of the First Atheist Not-church of America amid growing protest from a large number of the group's members. "Look, not one of us has been complete...

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Spammer's Heaven…

Funny story: Spammer's Heaven…

Spammer's Heaven… …where everyone believes poorly written lies and language syntax and spelling aren't important …where credit card numbers fall from the sky …where everyone's email and twitter passwords are 12345 …where nobody can say no to black market cialis …where captchas have been banished to spammer's hell …where everyone always forgets that they didn't enter foreign lotte...

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The Epic of Gilgamesh

The Epic of Gilgamesh is a long, boring, heroic poem by Gil Gamesh, a Babylonian who plagiarized the story from ancient Sumerian sources and claimed that the events of the poem, outlandish though they are, actually happened to him. One of the poem's key episodes in the flood, which, when it is written about in the Bible, is known as the Biblical flood, but, in Gilgamesh, is referred to as The Delu...

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Leader of Westboro Baptist Church Goes to Heaven

Funny story: Leader of Westboro Baptist Church Goes to Heaven

Fred Phelps, leader of Westboro Baptist Church, died suddenly on Tuesday at a military funeral while screaming and waving a sign that read God Hates Fags. Only minutes later, the renowned leader found himself in heaven, before God's throne, blinking...

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Heaven Restructuring: God Out, Shiva In

Funny story: Heaven Restructuring: God Out, Shiva In

HEAVEN--St. Peter announced today that heaven was going through a major restructuring and that Yahweh, CEO of Heaven since time immemorial, would be replaced by Shiva, known to his associates as "the Destroyer." Explained St. Peter: "Over the mil...

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Heaven in Administration as Pope Resigns

Funny story: Heaven in Administration as Pope Resigns

It has been announced that the Pope is to resign, as the Afterlife proves it is not exempt from the global recession. God has called in the administrators and cutbacks are seen as inevitable. It is understood Pope Benedict offered his resignation...

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Jesse James shoots Ned Kelly!

Funny story: Jesse James shoots Ned Kelly!

Ned Kelly, Irish-catholic, Australian rebel and bandit has just been buried after he lost a shoot-out with Jesse James in heaven. The whole thing started after a fight in a saloon called "Heaven and Hell Whores and Nuns". Jesse called Ned an Irish...

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Facebook? More like the good book!

Funny story: Facebook? More like the good book!

Real life stories of revelations and resurrections will soon be making their way to your smart phone (smarter than you!) or desktop computer. Jesus Christ or as he is more commonly known, J-Sizzle, has joined the social media revolution. It is a...

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SD Senator George McGovern dies at 90: refuses to enter Heaven over "streets of gold"

Funny story: SD Senator George McGovern dies at 90: refuses to enter Heaven over "streets of gold"

SIOUX FALLS, SD (ABSNN) - Richard Nixon cheated to beat him out of the Presidency, but George McGovern made it to Heaven while Tricky Dickey remains a smoldering charcoal briquette in Hell. McGovern died yesterday at the age of 90. He remained, to...

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Breaking news…

Trump Now Also President of Egypt

President Donald Trump now claims to be part Egyptian after a new mummy was uncovered. Noted the President, "Look! It's old, wrinkly, shriveled, and orange! Just like me!"
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