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Funny story: Local woman slams partner's 'pathetic' performance after semaphore sex romp

Local woman slams partner's 'pathetic' performance after semaphore sex romp

A 23-year-old Whitechapel woman has berated her boyfriend's sexual performance, branding it, 'pathetic', after the pair had indulged in a steamy romp using semaphore flags. Tracy Dell, a hairdresser from Dock Lane, told The East London Gazette: "W...

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Funny story: Mrs Bridges from Upstairs Downstairs schooled me in love says Vigo Mortensen

Mrs Bridges from Upstairs Downstairs schooled me in love says Vigo Mortensen

Danish/American heartthrob actor, Vigo Mortensen, has told a showbiz mag that Mrs Bridges, the formidable cook out of the popular 70s period drama, Upstairs Downstairs, engaged in a steamy romp with the young actor during a brief stay in London in 19...

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Funny story: Public should alternate face mask-wearing at five-minute intervals says Health Minister

Public should alternate face mask-wearing at five-minute intervals says Health Minister

In a bid to end the widespread confusion over the efficacy of wearing face masks to alleviate the spread of Covid-19, the Secretary of State for Health, Matt Hancock, has suggested that they are worn and then removed by the public at five-minute inte...

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Funny story: Local man converts bath to shower with wife still in it

Local man converts bath to shower with wife still in it

A local DIY enthusiast has told The East London Gazette that he converted the bath in his upstairs bathroom into a spacious, walk-in shower - while his wife remained in the tub. Toby Dell, a forklift truck engineer from Dock Street, revealed: "The...

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Funny story: Local man practising relaxation technique attacked by giant squid

Local man practising relaxation technique attacked by giant squid

A 54-year-old Whitechapel man has told a local newspaper that he was attacked and badly injured by a giant squid as he was trying to ease his stress about the coronavirus outbreak by immersing himself in a relaxing fantasy about swimming with dolphin...

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Funny story: Homoeopaths told you've had your fun but now it's time to start saving lives

Homoeopaths told you've had your fun but now it's time to start saving lives

The scientific community has appealed to all practitioners of homoeopathy to stop sitting on their hands, and to come to the aid of the fight against the deadly covid-19 virus. A spokesman for the World Science Council told newsmen, last night: "T...

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Funny story: Fury as NHS spends £20,000 on mask for Olly Murs's big face

Fury as NHS spends £20,000 on mask for Olly Murs's big face

There has been widespread criticism of the government's decision to allow the National Health Service to spend £20,000 on a protective mask for big-faced pop icon, Olly Murs. The mask, which will be over 100 metres wide, to accommodate the star's...

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Funny story: Corona 'Silver Lining': Remains of gangland victims become visible in Limehouse Basin for first time in 70 years

Corona 'Silver Lining': Remains of gangland victims become visible in Limehouse Basin for first time in 70 years

In what is being hailed as a surprising silver lining in the current health crisis, environmentalists have reported that the butchered remains of 1950s and 60s gangland victims are now clearly visible at the bottom of the previously murky, Limehouse...

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Funny story: Prince Andrew to Enter The Jungle as I’m A Celeb ‘Latecomer’

Prince Andrew to Enter The Jungle as I’m A Celeb ‘Latecomer’

Following yesterday’s announcement that he will be withdrawing from all public duties, beleaguered royal, Prince Andrew, has been unveiled as one of the so-called, ‘Latecomers’ on the hit TV reality show, I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here. The 5...

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Funny story: Bereaved mother slams makers of women's sanitary products

Bereaved mother slams makers of women's sanitary products

The mother of a teenage girl who collapsed and died during her menstrual cycle last week, broke down in front of reporters earlier today before hitting out at the advertising campaigns used by the makers of women's sanitary products. Mrs Mary Dell...

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Funny story: Vagrancy and alcoholism to be taught in British schools

Vagrancy and alcoholism to be taught in British schools

The government last night outlined plans to include the teaching of vagrancy and the dependency on strong drink as part of the national curriculum in 2020. A spokesperson for the Department of Education told newsmen: "In the present difficult eco...

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Funny story: Whitechapel woman battered husband with TV stand to 'limber up' for Black Friday

Whitechapel woman battered husband with TV stand to 'limber up' for Black Friday

A 23-year-old woman from Whitechapel in East London told a court that she beat her husband with a television stand to get some practice for the hurly-burly, Black Friday melee in 11 days time. Tracy Dell of Vallance Road, fractured the skull of he...

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