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Funny satire stories about Border Patrol

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Funny story: President Trump is Furious That 187 Feet of the Border Wall Was Painted Black

President Trump is Furious That 187 Feet of the Border Wall Was Painted Black

CALEXICO, California – President Donald Trump has inspected a section of his big beautiful wall that Mexico will be paying for, ahhh, sometime in 2025 maybe. A Border Patrol agent, who drove him along the wall, said that POTUS asked him why they h…

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Funny story: A Costa Rican ‘Tourist’ Caught Trying to Smuggle 70 Rolls of Charmin Toilet Paper Into the USA

A Costa Rican ‘Tourist’ Caught Trying to Smuggle 70 Rolls of Charmin Toilet Paper Into the USA

CALEXICO, California - Border Patrol agents in the border town of Calexico have apprehended a person they described as being an illegal tourist. Agents Dusty Voight and Chauncey Ortega said that they were patrolling the border wall between Calexic...

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Funny story: Central American Immigrants Have Stopped Coming To the USA Because They Fear They’ll Catch the C-19 Flu Virus

Central American Immigrants Have Stopped Coming To the USA Because They Fear They’ll Catch the C-19 Flu Virus

LAREDO, Texas – The Laredo sector of the Border Patrol has stated that the apprehension of illegal immigrants has dropped by 98%. BP spokesperson, Benardo Poggenpohl, said that in his conversation with one of the Guatemalan detainees, he was told,...

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Funny story: ICE detainees break into finely choreographed song and dance number

ICE detainees break into finely choreographed song and dance number

In what has been described as a “rare and fantastic phenomena”, detainees at an ICE facility in Arizona broke into a seemingly flawless song and dance number early Sunday morning. Approximately at 7:15 in the AM, ICE employees became baffled when the...

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Funny story: VP Pence says Customs Border Patrol over-worked and there could be “a few bad apples”

VP Pence says Customs Border Patrol over-worked and there could be “a few bad apples”

Visiting the border recently, Mr. Pence stressed that the camps are clean and orderly, with every inmate receiving food and medical attention. Standing beside a crowded cage filled with annoyed looking males (and body stench wafting through the ba...

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Funny story: CBP staff with internal review and solid proof AOC is full of baloney

CBP staff with internal review and solid proof AOC is full of baloney

The problem at the border includes hordes of women and children, with parents separated from their kids, and kept in “concentration camps.” Into this hurly-burly came Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC), interviewing the inmates. She reported they had...

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Funny story: Feds Open No-Kill Shelter for Immigrants on Texas/Mexico Border

Feds Open No-Kill Shelter for Immigrants on Texas/Mexico Border

Laredo, TX - The federal government has opened a new no-kill shelter in this border town to help find homes for thousands of new illegal immigrants who continue flooding into the country. In the past, if an illegal alien sneaked across our border...

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Funny story: U.S. Border Patrol Agents Shoot Down A Drone Transporting 200 Pounds of Marijuana

U.S. Border Patrol Agents Shoot Down A Drone Transporting 200 Pounds of Marijuana

EL PASO - United States Border Patrol agents have reported that they've just shot down a drone that crossed over from Mexico into the United States. A spokesperson for the Border Patrol stated that the drone was truly a state of the art drone and...

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Funny story: Wyoming Training Bassett Hound Corp

Wyoming Training Bassett Hound Corp

CHEYENNE, WYOMING - The Governor's Office has released a statement that a specially trained Basset Hound Corp is being assembled in Wyoming. The Bassett Hounds which are friendly, docile dogs, will be used to patrol the 8 foot fence along the bord...

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Funny story: Border Patrol Agents In Arizona Find 43 Illegal Aliens Crammed Into A KIA Spectra

Border Patrol Agents In Arizona Find 43 Illegal Aliens Crammed Into A KIA Spectra

NOGALES, Arizona - Border Patrol agents in the Nogales sector have reported that they stopped a car 17 miles north of the border that was traveling at a high rate of speed. The car, a 2006 KIA Spectra appeared to have four flat tires. But when age...

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Funny story: Illegal Aliens Are Now Using Ultralight Planes To Cross Into The United States

Illegal Aliens Are Now Using Ultralight Planes To Cross Into The United States

EL PASO - The United States Border Patrol has just stated that they have just discovered a new way in which illegal aliens from Mexico and Central America are using to cross the border into the U.S. A spokesperson for the Border Patrol, Hillary Za...

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Funny story: Illegal Aliens Are Now Crossing The Border Disguised as Jehovah's Witnesses

Illegal Aliens Are Now Crossing The Border Disguised as Jehovah's Witnesses

NOGALES, Arizona - The Arizona sector of the United States Border Patrol has informed the news media that they have recently caught 37 illegal aliens trying to cross the border dressed as Jehovah's Witnesses. Border Patrol spokesperson Wendell Far...

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Funny story: U.S. Border Patrol Agents Discover An Amazing Tunnel That Leads From Mexico To Nevada

U.S. Border Patrol Agents Discover An Amazing Tunnel That Leads From Mexico To Nevada

NOGALES, Arizona - The United States Border Patrol has just discovered what they are calling the longest and most elaborate tunnel in the history of U.S. - Mexico tunnels. Border Patrol spokesperson Grady G. Strongmarble, 43, informed the news med...

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Funny story: Border Patrol agents to be stationed every six inches along entire southern border, have to stand sideways, arms around each other!

Border Patrol agents to be stationed every six inches along entire southern border, have to stand sideways, arms around each other!

In a compromise this past week between GOP and Democrat Senators the border patrol budget has been increased by approximately one billion percent. According to the office of Budget and Management this will translate into a tax burden of over one million dollars for every man, woman and child in America. "Finally, we have a bi-partisan agreement on something," said Majority Leader Harry Reid. "...

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Funny story: The Amazing New Reason Why Illegal Aliens Are Staying Away From The U.S.

The Amazing New Reason Why Illegal Aliens Are Staying Away From The U.S.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The United States Department of Immigration has just made a statement that is related to the recent NSA Phone Scandal. A spokesperson for the USDI Beulah Lucy Tiggyworth, 53, stated that The U.S. Border Patrol is reporting that...

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Funny story: Illegal Aliens Are Now Being Shot Out Of A Circus Cannon From Mexico Into The USA

Illegal Aliens Are Now Being Shot Out Of A Circus Cannon From Mexico Into The USA

EL PASO - In an item that qualifies for the Just When You Thought You'd Heard It All Department comes some astounding news from the city country music singer Marty Robbins sang about in his hit "El Paso." A member of the United States Border Patro...

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Funny story: US to Repatriate Mexicans with Catapults

US to Repatriate Mexicans with Catapults

There will be no more Boeing 747 airplane rides for Mexicans being repatriated back to Mexico for being caught along the Arizona border by the US Border Patrol anymore. These plane rides will be replaced by the more exciting and importantly cheap ca...

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