CALEXICO, California – President Donald Trump has inspected a section of his big beautiful wall that Mexico will be paying for, ahhh, sometime in 2025 maybe. A Border Patrol agent, who drove him along the wall, said that POTUS asked him why they h…
CALEXICO, California - Border Patrol agents in the border town of Calexico have apprehended a person they described as being an illegal tourist. Agents Dusty Voight and Chauncey Ortega said that they were patrolling the border wall between Calexic...
LAREDO, Texas – The Laredo sector of the Border Patrol has stated that the apprehension of illegal immigrants has dropped by 98%. BP spokesperson, Benardo Poggenpohl, said that in his conversation with one of the Guatemalan detainees, he was told,...
In what has been described as a “rare and fantastic phenomena”, detainees at an ICE facility in Arizona broke into a seemingly flawless song and dance number early Sunday morning. Approximately at 7:15 in the AM, ICE employees became baffled when the...
Visiting the border recently, Mr. Pence stressed that the camps are clean and orderly, with every inmate receiving food and medical attention. Standing beside a crowded cage filled with annoyed looking males (and body stench wafting through the ba...
The problem at the border includes hordes of women and children, with parents separated from their kids, and kept in “concentration camps.” Into this hurly-burly came Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC), interviewing the inmates. She reported they had...
Laredo, TX - The federal government has opened a new no-kill shelter in this border town to help find homes for thousands of new illegal immigrants who continue flooding into the country. In the past, if an illegal alien sneaked across our border...
EL PASO - United States Border Patrol agents have reported that they've just shot down a drone that crossed over from Mexico into the United States. A spokesperson for the Border Patrol stated that the drone was truly a state of the art drone and...
CHEYENNE, WYOMING - The Governor's Office has released a statement that a specially trained Basset Hound Corp is being assembled in Wyoming. The Bassett Hounds which are friendly, docile dogs, will be used to patrol the 8 foot fence along the bord...
NOGALES, Arizona - Border Patrol agents in the Nogales sector have reported that they stopped a car 17 miles north of the border that was traveling at a high rate of speed. The car, a 2006 KIA Spectra appeared to have four flat tires. But when age...
EL PASO - The United States Border Patrol has just stated that they have just discovered a new way in which illegal aliens from Mexico and Central America are using to cross the border into the U.S. A spokesperson for the Border Patrol, Hillary Za...
NOGALES, Arizona - The Arizona sector of the United States Border Patrol has informed the news media that they have recently caught 37 illegal aliens trying to cross the border dressed as Jehovah's Witnesses. Border Patrol spokesperson Wendell Far...
NOGALES, Arizona - The United States Border Patrol has just discovered what they are calling the longest and most elaborate tunnel in the history of U.S. - Mexico tunnels. Border Patrol spokesperson Grady G. Strongmarble, 43, informed the news med...
In a compromise this past week between GOP and Democrat Senators the border patrol budget has been increased by approximately one billion percent. According to the office of Budget and Management this will translate into a tax burden of over one million dollars for every man, woman and child in America. "Finally, we have a bi-partisan agreement on something," said Majority Leader Harry Reid. "...
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The United States Department of Immigration has just made a statement that is related to the recent NSA Phone Scandal. A spokesperson for the USDI Beulah Lucy Tiggyworth, 53, stated that The U.S. Border Patrol is reporting that...
EL PASO - In an item that qualifies for the Just When You Thought You'd Heard It All Department comes some astounding news from the city country music singer Marty Robbins sang about in his hit "El Paso." A member of the United States Border Patro...
There will be no more Boeing 747 airplane rides for Mexicans being repatriated back to Mexico for being caught along the Arizona border by the US Border Patrol anymore. These plane rides will be replaced by the more exciting and importantly cheap ca...
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