That arse Johnson is supposedly a serial shagger, but I gave him a dose of his own medicine. It was several years ago, and it went on for a while. Bozo's wife was mightily pissed off at his never-ending peccadillos, and she wanted to get her own b…
ITV have announced that their new Saturday night reality show 'That's My Bastard!' will be hosted by everyone's favourite King of Sneering, Jeremy Kyle. The controversial show will replace Paddy McGuiness' awful 'Take Me Out'. In the show, abs...
London - A French maid toiling away at Lord Strathmore's stove has been outed as the birth mother of mad-as-a-hatter Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon who became the wife of King George VI. Marguerite Rodiere was herself the bastard spawn of the Rev Charles Ca...
Bah-Humbug is your middle name. But why should a miserable bastard only get to be miserable at the holidays? Commit to memory these easy-to-follow steps and you'll be sure to be insufferable for all twelve months. 1) Run away from your problems. Why face problems head on when you can run from them and possibly make others feel as if these same problems were theirs and not yours. 2) Tell your...
Newspaper Headlines tell of the humble house sparrow's probable demise should the proposal to let the bustard population rise in Britain be realized. We interviewed many people on the streets of London and discovered that not many people know what...
Ever wondered why bad things happen to people? Have you ever pondered your own mortality? Or considered why it is that 'luck' just isn't on your side? Well maybe you have the 'Bastard Particle'. Scientists from the USA, Sweden, Japan and Bournemou...
NEW YORK CITY, New York - The U.S. Green Building Council gave the Bank of AmeriCorp Tower its highest rating for environmental performance and sustainability this Thursday, making it officially the greenest high-rise in New York City. Completed i...
BRISTOL, U.K. - A new study suggests that self-importance dates back to before the Neanderthals. Archaeologist Zoão Bilhão of the University of Bristols in England said he and his colleagues have discovered 50,000-year-old perforated, painted seas...
Questions were asked in the House today demanding to know from the Prime Minister how it could possibly have occurred that an utterly useless twat made £5.6 million in bonuses, on top of his salary in a recession? The Prime Minister fannied about...
Local man Tom Wilbourne - a self-proclaimed hateful bastard - is in attendance at the International Hateful Bastards Summit in Blackpool. Tom, 25, says he is honoured to be representing the local community and rubbing shoulders with some of the pl...
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Citizens celebrated Tuesday in the streets of Iraq as the U.S. began withdrawing its 130,000 troops from the troubled country. As it turns out, the celebration may be short lived, as America's violation of Iraqi sovereignty alread...
A new government initiative aims to redress the issue of fatherless children. The "Fathers for Bastards" campaign is hoped to give the little bastards a chance at 'normal' family life by appointing surrogate father figures to the children who are cla...
John Edwards, an unemployed refuse collector from Beckton, East London has been given an ASBO after a decade of shocking behaviour that was at times, nothing short of disgraceful.
Following my breaking news story last year, that Wasps are just Spiteful Bastards, Walter the Wasp from Winnipeg, a leader and spokesman for the Coalition of non- prejudicial treatment of stinging insects (CONPTOSI) has prepared the following statement:...
Its official: the children of wealthy folk are incredibly stupid and ignorant. So say statisticians at Cambridge University, England who have concluded a five-year study into the intelligence of the spawn of rich bastards
Bastards Reunited, an organization attempting to match parents with their illegitimate children which was reported on by Carina Eta previously, is going after new source material. Knowing the propensity for professional athletes to pick up various wo...
I went for a haircut yesterday and walked into the Mohel's shop by accident. It wasn't my fault, those two bastards have the same type sign out front, a pole with dressing on it. A pole's a pole, right? So I went in and sat down and before I knew it, the barber (actually the Mohel) was taking down my pants and reaching for them. I thought, well maybe this is a gay barber shop and this...
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