The Brazilian Wandering Spider has repeatedly ranked as the world's most venomous spider to those who study them. You hear a lot about Brown Recluse and Black Widows but these guys are hunters on the ground. They do not try to catch their prey by...
MINNEAPOLIS, Minnesota - The Dairy Queen Corporation in a move to increase their sales of ice cream products has just developed a new dessert item. Columbus Vee, a representative with the fast food franchise chain stated that the new item is pres...
A company in Roanoke, Virginia has announced that they have a new "Vegan" condom they call "The Banana Peel" that is the perfect answer for vegans who want to to go natural but don't feel comfortable about wearing a lambskin. "We think we have a b...
"Booger" (also "boogie") is the polite name for snot, a free, delicious, nutritious emergency ration produced, without fanfare, by the nasal mucosa in such abundance that individuals swallow approximately 3.48 gallons per day without realizing it. Boogers are made up of mucin, water, cells, and inorganic salts. Depending upon the size of the serving, a single helping may contain from 10 to 40 c...
The Duchess of Cambridge broke down in tears this morning when she and Prince William attended the unveiling of her first official portrait at London's National Gallery. Kate was upset after discovering gorilla artist Paul Emsley had depicted her...
An Englishman living in the Thai capital of Bangkok had a narrow escape earlier today, when a banana cake he was eating after his tea became stuck to his teeth, rendering his mouth immobile. Moys Kenwood, 48, originally from Hull in East Yorkshire...
Scientists at Cardiff University on the Stephen King Sponsored Genetics course have successfully cross-bred bananas and cacao the plant that gives us the most important of foodstuffs, chocolate. "It's brilliant," said head professor of genetics, J...
Police in Ohio are searching for what witnesses claim is a giant banana they say jumped out of the bushes and viciously attacked a gorilla doing a promo for a Wireless Phone Center. The manager of the store said that he noticed a banana lurking in...
For thousands of years it has plagued alchemists -how to make gold from base materials. The fabled "Philosophers Stone" the very ingredient needed to transform shit into gold has eluded man - until now! A new discovery by a modern day alchemist ha...
A recent medical report released by a part time biologist, medical journal writer, and full time vegetarian claims the regular use of bananas can halt the spread of Aids! Still not tested by the FDA, the report states that a special ingredient in...
An elderly widow from Milton Keynes was shocked to discover a family of 8 illegal immigrants sleeping in a bag of Fair Cop bananas she bought from her local supermarket. Fat bag Daisy Upton, 73, said, "Ooh, well, now there's thing. I did think...
Shops throughout Europe have been banned from selling straight or nearly straight bananas the bananas according to the EU ruling have got to be totally bent or they are to be discarded. Its incredible that they are going to stop shops selling perf...
Banana, the world famous computer manufacturer, have revealed a new product today, to the great excitement of their adoring fans. The product, called the "iPad" is a departure from their usual business line - computers for thick people, tiny music...
Harlingen area resident, Christopher Baker continues to wonder why the supply of bananas he bought a week ago have gone uneaten. "I don't buy a lot, like four or five at the most", Baker commented. "You would think that someone in this house woul...
Bananas, in pajamas, are coming down the stairs. Bananas, in pajamas, are coming down in pairs. Bananas, in pajamas, are chasing teddy bears, because on Tuesdays, they all try to catch them unawares! People are genuinely fearful of what these gia...
The "Banana Wars" in Europe, Africa and South America have been going on since 16 years (longer than WW1 and WW2 together) and at last peace has been officially declared. The wars started off when wicked, evil banana conglomerates attempted to ste...
A new Panorama report for the BBC reveals that one of the greatest threats to the continued existence of the human race is not Global Warming, as championed by Al Gore, but the hoarding and panic buying of bananas. The Panorama special explains to...
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