BOSTON – (Satire News) – The Massachusetts Senate has voted to ban a phrase that many consider to be inappropriate and a bit risqué. State Senator Hirkey L. Stonewire, said that he has been trying to outlaw that horribly horrendous phrase for the…
"If the money wasn't so good and all the fun we have with the speed traps, I'd leave this job in a minute", stated Nashville, Tennessee officer Douglas Lancaster. "I agree", stated his partner. "I blame it on all those 911 calls that we get from e...
CHARLESTON, West Virginia - State Senator Marlene W. Pillwater [D-Philippi] has just announced that the state senate has passed a bill which will change the 9-1-1- emergency number. Senator Pillwater said that after a heated debate on the senate f...
FRESNO, CALIFORNIA - 911 emergency phone lines across Central California were jammed early this morning. "People all are reporting the same thing," says June Blankenship, a 911 dispatcher. "There is a strange substance coming out of the sky in...
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Nina Dobrev, the star of The Vampire Diaries has just confessed that last week she rejected the unwanted physical overtures of English actor Russell Brand. Nina said that she was coming out of The Laughing Beaver Comedy Club in We...
10. "This is CA3! Charlie Alpha Three! No UFO's reported in the past 24 hours. Geronimo Amish Buggy! Repeat: Geronimo Amish Buggy!" 9. "I've had these HIC! hiccups for a week. Send someone over to scare me!" 8. "How long does it take for a 20-pound turkey to thaw?" 7. "Send a big officer right away. I can't get this lid off the jar and I've even ran hot water over it!" 6. "Bedbugs!...
Privately miffed for decades over the common misuse of their U.S. based corporate switchboard and dealer network phone lines, Porsche has asked the federal government to change the "911" emergency call number to "something else". Porsche automotiv...
What did Osama bin Laden do when he heard the sound of helicopters? He called 911 of course. The White House has released a transcript of the terrorist's last call: Bin Laden Hello 9-1-1. I have an emergency to report. Someone is flying helicopters too close to my headquart... too close to my house. Operator That sounds like a noise complaint, sir. You need to hang up and call your local...
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