SOUTH AFRICA - The Honey Badger (HB) is the prime suspect in the murder of aspiring journalist Paul Sweetwater (PS). Investigations after Paul's mysterious disappearance lead authorities to an audio file in his iCloud. The file contained an interview between Paul and the Honey Badger. A friend of Paul, Hans Swackheimer said, "...he (PS) refused to say where he was going or who he was intervie...
A jury has found Tobako a killer by a majority verdict. There are still some people who think Tabako doesn't kill but they are a minority. In reaction to this news the Government is questioning the 49% increase in the salary for Tobako Chief Execu...
HARFOLD, Vt.--Harfold State College released a frightening study this week, frightening at least for those Americans named Peterson or Pederson or Pedersen or some variation thereof. According to the study, Americans with this surname are most lik...
EL PASO, Tx.--Seri, 3, is currently being held in custody for allegedly murdering Wzui, 6, her intended mate at the El Paso Zoo. Although autopsy results have not been released, sources believe Wzui died as a result of castration by forepaw. Accor...
A man died in a small Kent village last night, after being repeatedly beaten with a border spade during an argument. The man, in his late fifties, was said to have suffered severe head trauma in the attack, which was carried out by his neighbour.
Health and Safety Officials have issued a $5,000 reward for who ever put out a bagged body ignoring recycling efforts imposed by the local Peckham council. "Not only did who ever did it ignore the pick-up day, which is every 3rd Thursday in the m...
It hasn't been confirmed yet, and quite frankly, it sounds quite hard to believe - a bit like an article in the Daily Mail - but apparently, former head of the News Of The World, Rebekah Brooks, has been banged up in a cell at Strangeways prison, Man...
Mr Ohashi Shindo was arrested last night for murdering his wife's virtual boyfriend whom she had created at the dating website, returntothebattleforbloodroyalesothatwecannolongerloveyou.web Ms Haruka Shindo created her perfect man and called him A...
Last week I arranged a meeting with Kim Jong Ill on the set of the new Internet TV show called 60 Murders Plus. Since the world is a stage the set can be anywhere you like. Kim is a wonderful guy who after murdering his father is now in mismanagement and is currently Emperor of North Korea. He tasked me to find a serial killer at work and interview him. It seemed dangerous to mention that I was a...
Lord Peter Flimsy sighed. "Oh dash it, Shunter, I've forgotten me posset pot catalogue. We shall have to go back, don't you know!" "Very good, your Lordship." Percy Shunter, former batman and now butler, butler and former batman, once batman, now butler, now butler, once batman, gritted his teeth (he kept a supply of grit in his pocket; the old toothy-pegs could get dashed slippery at this tim...
The conviction of serial killer Levi Bellfield in the Milly Dowler murder case has raised many fundamental questions about the propriety of the British legal system. Quite correctly, Milly's family members vociferously objected to having their liv...
[Press Office, Number 10] The government today denied making a U-turn with regard the investigation of the brutal murder and body dumping of Dr. David Kelly, a nuclear weapons specialist and part-time Santa Claus at Debenhams. Announcing today th...
Bristol PA - A local Amish man attacked his wife during dinner yesterday, killing her in their home on Sundance Road. Police say the body of thirty-eight year old Elizabeth Morgan, wife of Joshua Morgan, was found by neighbors in a walk-in pantry cov...
ED-209, the futuristic police Enforcement Droid designed and operated by OCP, today went berserk and killed a high ranking company executive. The board meeting was going well, when Senior President Dick Jones demonstrated his latest creation, the...
Scotland Yard continues to press a recent murder mystery whilst remaining mum after what was alternately described as a parrot or an albatross was seen to drop what turned out to be the second toe of missing spoof writer Dudley Morton. Morton had...
Frank Ashton, one of the official organists for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, went on a shooting rampage after a recent choir concert, killing or wounding two members of the choir, four members or the Orchestra at Temple Square, and eleven concert goe...
Dear diary, My teen angst bullshit now has a body count. I've wrote a song about killing people. I've been in the news about killing people. I think it's seven... going on eight. There are people, lying in a pool of their own blood. Eyes gouged out... some of them... by the works of my thumbs. Others, have a bullet through the throat. One jock I killed by shooting his shoulder and the...
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