It was confirmed today that Oxfordshire PCT has contracted in help from four male and three female chimps from London Zoo. The seven new unorthodox employees are believed to be taking on senior executive positions after Oxfordshire PCT health officia...
The world of science has made another miraculous breakthrough! In Japan researchers have managed to rework the genes of monkeys so that they glow green in the dark. Furthermore the monkeys were able to pass this 'glow in the dark' gene on to their si...
David Cameron today launched an extraordinary broadside against primates. Speaking at the Harlow Young Conservatives Group Annual Conference he deviated from his script to answer a question from Quentin Thornberry, aged 15. Master Thornberry said...
President Obama was today embroiled in a brief incident over an alleged racist slur. The incident is said to have happened at a short visit to London Zoo. President Obama was at the Chimpanzee enclosure listening to Zoo Keeper Max Scatt speakin...
The newest, latest, and hottest sexy beast of blogs, The Daily Beastiality has been getting hit on more often than a hotpantsed hoe in the 1970's Times Square. Even Johnnie McC, the senile Republicant flop from AZ has a sweet shortie of a daughter sq...
Keith "the rock behemoth" Richards is growing old disgracefully in his new enclosure following a fall from a palm tree eighteen months ago. He continues to exhibit some bizarre behaviour that scientists claim may be linked to a higher cognitive devel...
As Barack Obama reverses each and every anti science and religiously moralistic Bush administration dogma and doctrine, we have seen fall ignorance of intelligent design and the stupidity of stem cell bans. Now finally the onerous only abstinence bur...
Scientists believe that they have made a major breakthrough in evolutionary studies. They studied the behavior of a chimpanzee in London zoo. By surrounding him with jeering teenagers they were able to coax the chimp into a reaction. He promptly thro...
The Stockholm zoo that boasted of having a rock-hoarding and rock-throwing chimp has confessed to perpetrating a hoax. The chimp, the zoo finally revealed, is really a human dwarf dressed up like a chimp. "I still think we should get credit for p...
SAN DIEGO, California - Update Rebbecca Lebête has just been found walking in the woods with no face! Details still under investigation! Rebbecca Lebête has been missing for about two months from her suburban home in San Diego. Her anthropologic...
A U.S. scientist has created a strain of the human AIDS virus that's able to infect and multiply in monkeys in a step toward testing future vaccines in monkeys before trying them in people, according to a new study. "If monkeys ever revolt, that...
SAN DIEGO, California - Rebbecca Lebête has been missing for about two months from her suburban home in San Diego. Her anthropological study of a troop of monkeys has turned serious. Rebbecca noted that the chimps use their teeth to make a brush...
Seattle, Washington - A new government program designed to encourage abstinence among primates has spread the dreaded teenage ailment "Blue balls" to chimps. The World Wildlife Fund, the organization originally pushing for the program has now admitte...
Doors are kept locked and congressional staff members are afraid to travel the halls of congress alone for fear of being attacked by vicious monkeys first set free here after the 1948 filming of the movie, "Tarzan Goes to Congress". "once upon a...
New York, New York: Mere days after the New York Post published what was first thought to be one hilarious cartoon involving President Obama's economic policies and a chimpanzee shot dead, The New York Post has published yet another cartoon in order...
A Japanese woman was likely impregnated with the fertilized egg of an orangutan by accident during an in vitro procedure last year, hospital officials said Thursday. The woman, who is in her 20s, aborted the pregnancy when she was told of the pote...
Stamford, Connecticut - Backing off her previous claim she made in a live interview on national TV that she gave her 15-year old pet chimpanzee, Travis, Xanax (an anti-anxiety medication) known to cause emotional outbursts and acts of violence in hum...
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