A government think tank has finally published the results of an investigation, conducted in order to determine whether doctors have a moral responsibility to assist in the demise of the terminally deluded. One instance cited in the report concerne...
The woman known only as 'Shovel Face' last night eluded a mental health team in a Burnley Cemetery, and once again fled screaming into the night. Ted Tenter, of the local mental health team told reporters: "We're desperate to contact this indiv...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, a local gerbil breeder, today revealed that he has been approached to act as an intermediary between a man who twatted his wife in the face with a shovel, and the woman, who has been identified by media sources as Shove...
Good Evening. I'm Martin Shuttlecock, and speaking on behalf of my beloved wife and myself, I would like to extend the warmest of New Year's greetings and felicitations to those who read this. The ones who don't can all fuck off. Right - It's traditional to look to the New Year with optimism. It's the done thing to hope for a peaceful New Year, and wish happiness, health and prosperity up...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock last night declared that former university students should be banned to hell and back from ever making light entertainment TV programmes, legally banned from making sit-coms, ruled out of making sketch shows, and threate...
Web analytics site www.skoobexa.con today announced in its half year summary that satire website www.thespoof.com appears to be in terminal decline. Principally because it just isn't funny any more. The site has been losing readers in their thous...
It happens every year. Millions of Brits eagerly anticipate the Christmas festivities, and the traditional Christmas dinner of a turkey roast with all the trimmings, only to find themselves completely disillusioned with the whole concept of turkey wi...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, a stunningly athletic Olympic gymnastics gold medallist and three time World Ker-Plunk champion, today shocked friends, family, neighbours, the media, and former boxing champion, Ricky Hatton, by declaring to the world...
It's just been revealed, that the annual Titchfield Carnival Big Hat Sale has been brought forward from the new year, and will now officially commence on Saturday, December 10th. Which is at least three weeks before the usual start date. "Well, it...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, last night announced that he has had the good fortune to acquire a wide range of discounted hats, which he is able to offer for sale - dirt cheap - to anybody who can be arsed. Uncharacteristically drunk, and typing...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, 27, an aspiring, and dashingly handsome (Providing one squints really hard and lets the imagination run riot.) Olympic Greco-Roman wrestler, was reported to be making a quiet recovery today after a traumatic incident in...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, today launched an astonishing broadside directed at internet trolls - trolls being people who cause malevolent mischief and deliberately set out to provoke and upset others online - by saying that in extremis, such trollish activity could feasibly result in extreme consequences for the unfortunate recipient. In a week which has featured a particularly tragic appar...
Bradford councillor, Robert Payne, 36, who brutally killed four cats in his rented home by repeatedly smashing them against the walls, ought to be sentenced by the courts to play with the Siberian tigers in Marwell Zoo, according to local man, Martin...
X Factor judge, Tulisa Contostavlos today laughed off a series of death threats, saying quite frankly that she doesn't give a toss. It is believed that Tulisa has received the death threats via text messages and on her Twitter account, with promis...
Don't get me wrong, because I really enjoy Christmas. It's a time out from work, a time to share with the family, a time to eat, drink, and be merry, and hold the real world at bay for a few days. Remembering all the while that Christmas is a celebration of the birth of Jesus, and hopefully a time to stop the violence and insanity in the world, albeit temporarily. The flip side of this is th...
That nice Nick Clegg has announced that in a bid to combat youth unemployment, and prevent future outbreaks of rioting and looting by disaffected teens, that the government will foot half of the wage bill for employers who hire young people on minimu...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock today expressed his utter disgust with lowlife press hacks and internet media muggers who have been suggesting that George Michael may have aids. The former Wham! singer, currently in a Vienna hospital has had to canc...
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